When you notice yourself not wanting to do something you know you should do, do it anyways. For me, it started with taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work. Snowball it from there. That's really the only way, there aren't shortcuts.
this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2023
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In my head i call it the "Rule of least want to do". If i have 2-3 tasks that need doing (ususlly work related), i think of which thing i least want to do. That's the thing i get done, then move down the line.
Yeah that's basically the concept/book Eat that Frog. Basically if you Eat a Frog or do you least liked task first thing in the morning it makes everything else easier and not so bad.
Ah brilliant, this is precisely what I was looking for!
Ahh I can imagine this helping. Can you remember any other examples?I think I've done stuff like this before with forcing myself to eat broccoli which I didn't like but knew was good fkr me...
Sure! I used to hate doing the dishes and would let them pile up until I had no clean ones left, so then if I looked at the sink and saw that there were dishes I didn't want to do, I'd do them anyways. When I wanted to stop, I'd just keep going until they were done. Even if my back started hurting and my hands were soggy, even when I was so bored I wanted to tear my eyes out, I'd just keep going until they were done.
Making your bed is something you can do every day to build willpower. You don't HAVE to do it, and usually probably don't want to, but it only takes like 5 minutes and makes your living space look nice, which makes it a good exercise.
Idk how old you are, but I'm old enough to no longer live with my parents. They're like almost an hour away. When they call to invite me over, my knee-jerk reaction is to stay home, but I know they're not gonna be around forever and I should see them every now and again, so I'll force myself to go visit.
Going to the gym, or going on runs also helps. Working out is hard, and staying consistent is even harder. Lifting weights/getting exercise is just as much a mental battle as it is a physical one. 4-5 days per week, 5 exercises per session, 3 sets of 10 reps. It'll take about an hour to complete. There are more efficient ways to work out, but that would be a good starting point. Alternatively, run/jog for 30 min, or go on an hour long walk 5 days per week.
90% of willpower is preparation. Arrange your life to make the things you should do easier and the things you should avoid less convenient.
Example: To avoid sleeping in, or worse, dicking around on my phone instead of sleeping or getting up, I put my phone to charge on the other side of the bedroom.
Another: I put a speaker in my kitchen to listen to music when I wash dishes. A lot easier to wash just those last few pots, even if I feel like I'm ready for a break, if I want to finish the song.
Yeah I have been trying to do this and it has helped with my productivity. The problem is, it might make it easier for you to do but that is precisely because you are minimising the amount of willpower you have to use to get those things done. Which I think os what's keeping me weak
Two comments.
- I would try and avoid negative self talk (weak) as it can really just reenforce guilt/shame. The classic example I learned in therapy was should statements. When you think/say I should have... It can bring alot of negativity but it's usually easy to change it to a could or would statement. I would have or could have xyz. Would/could can be a slippery slope to excuse/procrastinate things but it's okay to legitimately give your self a break when the circumstances warrant it. Brains need downtime, you don't have to be filling 100% of your day
- doing prep work isn't cheapening your willpower as long as your consistent and apply it to everything and not just the easy things. Another trick I learned is to try and break a task down into the smallest step you can do to make progress. Step one could literally be get a pad of paper, or change into work out clothes. It makes taking the next step easier and also is kinda like "Well I already have the pen and paper I might as well get writing" or "I'm changed so I might as well do something" even if it's just a walk or jog. But again the key is consistentcy.
Oh thats a good point, turning a 'should have' into a 'could have' actually sounds really empowering because it must remove some of the guilt. And the taking the smallest step strategy sounds really helpful too – it reminds me of the concept of 'non-zero days' I read about a while back that I really have found effective
ADHD Brains are different - so some advice that works for non-ADHD brains may or may not work.
In general, being present and meditation (in whatever way that works for you, but, generally the practice of observing your thoughts as they go by but not reacting to them) are helpful for 'strengthening' your thought patterns. Becoming aware of things and building up that muscle is how you can have more of that willpower.
Habits can be very difficult to build, don't get discouraged. Find things that work for you and ways to incentivize or motivate yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD/ Here's a great youtube channel
Oh yes I've come across her channel before. This is unrelated but have you found any good ways to deal with the 'wall of awful' that she describes in one of her videos?
I have ADHD and meditation has been a great help. I used the Waking Up app to learn to meditate, which removes all sorts of mysticism from the equation. The introductory course is great, it starts out simple enough but begins to become very interesting by about day 20 or so.
Amazing what 10 minutes of practice a day does.
For me, it’s 100% about positive self talk and mini goals. Instead of trying to motivate myself to run 5 miles, it’s one 100ft section at a time. Fix a goal I can see, then run there and give myself a mental high five for getting there. Then do it again one more time. And then one more time and on and on til I get to the end.
This is covered in a lot or depression literature, where you need to literally rewire your brain to defeat the attempt to reach homeostasis, which has become a depressed state. Little positive actions and thoughts that eventually rewire the neural pathways and create new ones little by little. If you want to learn more about that, the technical side made very understandable by a psychologist and neuroscientist who specializes in depression and anxiety, you should check out "The Upward Spiral". It's really good and i highly recommend it. It has helped me start the healing and coping process.
The Science of Self Control is an excellent book about willpower and, well, self control. It goes into the science of it and how to use that to your advantage.
One thing I do is to reduce friction. You are more likely to do something if you make whatever it is easier to do. Conversely, if you want to stop doing something, increase friction (make it harder to do). Two examples:
You want to go to the gym in the mornings? Go to bed a bit earlier, get everything ready the night before, and maybe even sleep in your gym clothes.
Your want to stop eating cookies? Put them somewhere you're less likely to walk past them or see them.
In your case, maybe try removing things that are distractions, e.g. put your phone on the other side of the room.
Sleeping in my gym clothes sounds like a radicaly effective move. Especially as it physocally connects evening me to tomorrow me, which I otherwise struggle to mentaly do..
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Get tested for ADHD. If you have it, start working with a therapist who specializes in ADHD and can prescribe medication if necessary.
Or the cheaper option drink a coffee. Did it make it easier to focus? Yes? Then ADHD, so drink lots of coffee. Lol, but seriously just get tested.
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When I was in grade 2 I had an old substitute teacher tell us a story about how he trained his willpower by setting an alarm every night at 3 am and when it went off he’d do 10 jumping jacks.
I tried it that night, got out of bed and did 2 jumping jacks before realizing this was the dumbest thing ever. If I had the willpower to get out of bed in the middle of the night to exercise I already had the willpower in the first place.
But weirdly enough ever since that night I’ve been able to get out of bed on the first alarm
If you have ADHD, forget combating it with willpower. You need to reduce distractions.
But most of all, get diagnosed properly and then a psychotherapist can help you further, as might the appropriate meds.
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In most cases it is not a lack of willpower but rather an exhaustion of the same. Try to arrange your daily routine around things you WANT to do and limit the things that burn attention and mental energy (doom-scrolling social media, ….).
It’s all about managing your (dopamine) resources economically.
This is exactly what you said. Workout and cold showers.
Even if a cold shower is once a day, it is enough. Willpower is like a muscle, you don't have to exert it constantly, but regularly.
As for working out, you don't have to like it, to make it. This is the hard pill to swallow, but struggling is part of it, at least in the beginning.
What I find helpful personally, is to watch a coaching video. You follow the moves of the vlogger at the same pace, and only pause when you can absolutely not take it anymore. I end up cursing at the video and hating my life on the spot.
I recon that it helped me have more control on myself (like pain tolerance). But as for the ADHD you describe, I am not sure I saw any improvement personally.
Oh I see, do you still have athe link to the video you used? Also, do you know of any good resources about improving pain tolerance? I think that's essenstially what I'm lacking atm.
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There is some good advice in this thread, but if you do have ADHD, then the advice is only as good as your ability to carry it out, and saying "just do the thing" will only end up demoralising you.
From my perspective (42, diagnosed with ADHD four years ago), it's been damn near impossible for me to noticeably improve myself. It's only when I reflect on my progress that I begin to notice positive changes.
Ultimately, it's about training your perspective on a task. Are you failing to do things, or are you choosing to prioritise other tasks instead. Do those other tasks have positive outcomes (however tenuous they may be)? If this is the case, then you could work on choosing to prioritise the tasks that are expected of you.
In terms of my working day, my job is an issue for me, as it doesn't really have a set form, and is almost entirely self-led. If I don't do what's expected of me, no one really notices, and that's actually a problem for me, because left to my own devices I'll gladly spend all day fucking about online, then feel like shit because I've not been productive*. So I've learned to tackle this by physically writing myself a To Do list first thing in the morning, that I then input into a daily timetable spreadsheet. Then I use an app called Cold Turkey to block access to websites of my choosing for a period of time. Only then am I able to focus on the tasks at hand.
In time, your brain will (hopefully) begin to mould itself around a different way of being, and while it will not likely become second nature to you, it will become easier to recognise when your distraction has taken control.
*of course, almost all of the problems we face are as a result of being forced to exist in a capitalist society, where we're all trained to assign our personal worth to the worth of the work we produce. If we neurodivergents were able to live outside that paradigm, we'd be fine.
Yeah, this is what I've found too unfortunately. Brute forcing yourself to do stuff only progresses you at a snails pace.
I'm waiting to get diagnosed but its still a few months off so I'm trying this for now...
I don't think an app like cold turkey would work for me (don't trust that I won't disable it), but what I have managed to do in the past is dedicate a certain device to work tasks only, and also ban myself from using the internet in one certain room (I essentially tricked my brain to pretend that there was no WiFi there). I coukd focus way better in that room knowing that if I needed to use the internet, I'd first have to go all the way down the coridor.
Just a headsup - don't focus too much on meds, it won't really help that much if you're also lacking willpower.
I have the same problem as you, but have started meds about half a year ago. It helps a little bit, but also made me realize that whenever I'm stressed or have to do something I'm uncertain of, the problems are back.
I thought it's anxiety that's stopping me, because right now I have to finish my thesis to hand in in a week, and I've been sitting home and staring at the screen unable to work, progressing at a snails pace for two weeks already, to the point I will not be able to make it.
Due to that, I've gotten a short term medication for anxiety, because I thought that's what's stopping me and I can't get over it.
It didn't help, and while I wasn't feeling that awful, I still didn't manage to force myself to work more, and even though I would've comfortably made it, I progressed so slow that now I probably won't. But it made me realize that the problem wasn't anxiety, but willpower, and that the focus on it was just an excuse to justify postponing work.
I'm not saying that meds will not help you, but make sure you don't fall to the same trap as I did - I used waiting them as an excuse for too long, that I've learned to just be OK with procrastinating. And when I finally got them, it didn't help much , because I never tried building the willpower and have gotten too used to the excuses that even when the "need to wait for meds, nothing I can do" excuse wasn't true, I was still turning to procrastination by habit. Or you'll just think "meds aren't helping, I need stronger".
If you start forcing yourself, even if at slow pace, to not be OK with procrastination, then the meds will be a miracle that will suddenly make it so you don't have to struggle so much anymore. If you on the other hand learn to give up trying and accept the excuse that you need the meds and there's no point, and that it will be easier once you have them - my experience is that it won't, because then getting rid of the internalization of excuses only made it as hardy, or even harder, than it was without them.
Thank you for posting this OP, and thank you for your reply to OP!
I literally just got back from my therapist (3rd visit) and he basically said the same stuff you're saying about neurodivergence of this kind only becoming a problem when we're forced to follow the rules of an artificial construct we call "modern civilization." Thanks for your post. I've long suspected I could have ADHD (was diagnosed with ADD as a child) , but of course, ADD doesn't really exist, and I suppose the research on things like this was more or less in its infancy, so I took prescrived children's speed for a while, it made me worse. Yes, Ritalin is methamphetamine, and anyway. I started therapy to work on identifying my problems and I never mentioned ADHD, but he said all my complaints about my own behavior points towards it. My job is in the food service industry and it has been for many years, so the chaos of that could have masked some of the stronger "symptoms", and I imagine if I had an open ended career I would be in trouble with my lack of focus and constant procrastination.
Do you mind giving me more details on how you do your to-do list and the table? I would like to try something like it because I think it might help.
Thanks again for your reply to OP. and thanks again to OP for the post and hang in there. Adaptability is humanities greatest strength..
I would say first and foremost be kind to yourself, @SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml. Strengthening your willpower begins with good self-care techniques. Set regular, realistic, and achievable goals and when you achieve them, do something positive for yourself. Too often we are our own worst enemies and by beating yourself up you actually make it harder to achieve what you really want. This is something I struggle with even though I do not have ADHD. Will-power comes not from negative reinforcement but from the positive kind. 😀
Thanks for this reminder, you're right it's really easy to start blaming yourself for failing at things that it's not your fault you're failing at
Not exactly what you’re asking but possibly helpful-
I’ve found that ‘pairing’ the item of resistance to another established habit has been helpful. A decent example is putting my gym stuff on the bathroom counter. I have the habit of brushing my teeth in the morning and now I have my exercise clothes where I’m guaranteed to see them. It’s harder to make excuses and at this point you just gotta commit.
This might be more what you’re asking about-
I got the pairing idea from a great series on procrastination, Solving the Procrastination Puzzle by Tim Pychyl. The speaker takes the approach that resistance is not a matter of will power but a matter of emotional regulation. I recommend checking it out!
I listened to it on Waking Up but you might be able to find it elsewhere. Here’s a link to where I listened, free 30 days no credit card needed. (There is no incentive for me, just sharing what helped me) https://dynamic.wakingup.com/pack/PK0AA14?source=content%20share&share_id=0FEBBC65&code=SC112CD68
Dr K at Healthy Gamer has a tonne of really great advice for dealing with this and especially for ADHD sufferers. He talks about urge-surfing and how to develop and strengthen the parts of your brain that end up giving you back control in terms of decision making, willpower and responding to habits. Here’s a short on urge-surfing but have a dig thru the rest of the channel https://youtube.com/shorts/SUgJdsTCs0E?feature=share
Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/shorts/SUgJdsTCs0E?feature=share
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source, check me out at GitHub.
I have found it useful, even healthy in stressfulness work situations, to allow myself the distraction - but only for a little while. This works fairly well for me.
Do one other thing. Play only one round of Minesweeper (yes, that's me). Read only one thing on Lemmy. Pick one of those. Then get back to work. For a while, anyway.
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I always get myself to do things I don't want to by thinking "Future-me is going to be much happier when he finds that present-me did this already."
Helps me find the motivation to exercise, make myself a good cup of coffee instead of a kcup, do the dishes after dinner, lots of things. And past me is such a bro, saved me from present-me having to do those things.
I've tried this before but it hasn't worked for me so far unfortunately :-/ I thunk it's because my brain sees tomorrow-me to be a different and detached person...
“Just do it” is such easy advice to give but I feel your pain OP. There are things I want to accomplish that I CANNOT get myself up to do. I can’t execute plans or schedules for things that don’t immediately threaten my livelihood. It’s a real PITA. Executive dysfunction is a term I’ve read about recently that describes this.
I’m convinced the way we think about things is the driving force. For example, I’ve always struggled to work out regularly. What’s really been helping me the last month is the mantra “I’ll never regret working out but I absolutely will regret not working out”. So try to critically evaluate your thought processes behind the things you want to accomplish and see if there is another way of thinking about it that makes doing it easier.
I really like your mantra – yeah it really helps me when thoughts like this reframe the way I look at things. I often struggle with being paralized by guilt, for example the guilt of having put an email off for too long, or tge fear that starting ti revise for my exams now would make me feel guilty that I didn't start preparing earlier. I wish I had a similar mantra for that
Yes! The guilt eats you alive and completely paralyzes you! I never could figure out what made me tick to help improve my study habits. But I just graduated so I managed and now I’m done forever! You will always wish you started sooner, no matter how early you start.
For little things like emails, consider how they take barely 5 mins to do. We have 1,440 minutes in a day and we can’t even take 5 to send the freaking email?! I use that mindset for chores too. I gripe and moan about the kitty litter box but it takes 60 seconds to just scoop the damn thing.
Ahh putting it into perspective does sound like it would help me. Unfortunately for me writing an email usually takes closer to 20 minutes because I'm really slow at phrasing what I have to say and I sit around stuck on trying to phrase my email in a way that doesn't sound too commanding/impolite/etc . Have you ever had this? It might be an ADHD thing idk.
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Well, the research says that therapy is great, but only after you're on meds. You don't lack willpower, it's a physiological problem that needs to be addressed by medical care.
A good morning routine is perfect for building momentum. I wake up at 6 AM and walk to my bathroom where I keep a bottle of water, as I am always thirsty in the morning. I brush my teeth, meditate, and engage in some light cardio, (literally something like 50 jumping jacks. It's nothing too serious) Afterward, I take a warm shower, gradually lowering the temperature until it's cold. Finally, I eat breakfast.
That's a morning routine that works for me and is (mostly) copied from a Youtube video I watched on how to stay motivated. This is what works for me so I think it may be a good watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOEfDcGbbXo&t=362
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