Dads Only

Father of a 2.5 yr old here ... Have a few friends who just had kids as well.. I told them the same shpiel

1. The next few months will be the toughest thing you ever go through (comparable to back to back all nighters in college, but this time it's for a few months)... Esp if you're working and don't have good paternity leave. But after you get over that hump. .... It gets a lot better and now you're in the club where everyone knows what you went through because they've been through it too.
2. If your/your partners parents are in the picture and offer to babysit. Take up the offer. Go have a date night with your partner... It'll relieve a lot of stress
3. If you live in a decent area, go for walks with the little one as often as you can. (in a bassinet/stroller obviously)
4. If you're in a western country... If you ever feel like you're doing too little, the littlest amount of effort on your part gets much more props than the amount of effort. Just being there for your new kid and changing every 10th diaper is doing better than 60% of dads out there.
5. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has amnesia about the next 6ish months. They'll say things like "why are you so tired? I don't understand!" Or "it wasn't that bad when we had kids".... It was. They just blocked it out
6. When the kid gets off milk, any spices yall use usually in cooking. Or just generally like that aren't spicy. Expose it to them ASAP. It does wonders for their pallet and they'll be less picky in a few years
7. Both you and your partner are stressed. You will fight and hate each other. Don't make any big life decisions for the next few months.

Hope this helps... Enjoy the journey.

Congratulations! If that kid is asleep you should be too, at least for the first few years.

Seasonal info:

Santa Claus uses different wrapping paper then Mom and Dad use. He buys the good stuff, but after the holidays when it's marked down. He stores it in the attic where only he can find it.

You may have ideas in mind about what kind of person they'll be, in terms of interests, personality, etc. This can be really strong because it may come from deep subconscious wants, and you may not even realize it, but it'll come out in your behavior. Nudging toward this activity, away from this one - that kind of thing. Be really careful with this - your kid will tell you who they are, and it can be super damaging if you don't listen.

You can shape values, and you can show them your enthusiasm for what you think is cool, but stop short of trying to shape what they like and who they are. Accept and get excited about the things they're into and they'll always want to share with you and keep you involved as they get older. Enthusiasm and passion are so much more important and useful in life than liking this thing over that thing, but it can be hard to let go of your implicit ideas about their future personality.

We very much expected kind of a tomboy-ish, or at least mixed interest girl. Rough and tumble, daredevil, etc. Not at all - she is the most classically feminine, pink-loving, only-interested-in-dolls little kid you can imagine.

If/when your kid gets sick (like with a cold/cough), there's very little that you can do. Most common medicines aren't approved for kids under 2. Consider buying a decent humidifier which can at least help keep their mucus more liquidity and help their breathing at night.

Every kid has different challenges that will really push to your limit at some point. Some kids have difficulty sleeping, some have difficulty eating, some have speech delays, some have gross motor delays, etc. You don't always know what your kid's particular difficulties will be but just keep working at it and do your best.

Start reading and singing to your kid as soon as their born. It's a great bonding activity and it's great for their brain/language development. You don't need a ton of books, you don't need to know a ton of kids songs, just do whatever you can.

Check out your local library (if there is one). There's usually lots of programming for young kids. They don't just have books, but sometimes also toys and other activities that you can check out. It's also a good place to meet and socialize with other parents.

Keeping your newborn baby alive is actually really easy.

Keeping yourself and your SO sane through the massive additional work under a massive sleep deficit is hard.

It DOES get easier though. Eventually.

When they're crying they need something. Sometimes it's the obvious stuff: diaper, food, sleep. Sometimes it's not: feeling of safety/security, need a specific stuffie, over stimulated, confused, need to be held. That's ok, and none of it means you're a bad parent.

The crying will wear you down, but you will get better at guessing their needs. It's still very hard.

Remember, sometimes you need to take care of yourself before you can care for your kid properly. Eat and nap when you can. Shower if you can.

You will probably discover that you can't do as much as you once did. You don't have enough time and/or you don't have as much energy. Don't sweat it. It doesn't matter. No one is judging you but you, so you can choose not to. Make decisions about what matters, and do those things.

Take care of your health. It's too easy to ignore your own health, but it's like putting your own oxygen mask on before you put your kid's mask on. You need to make sure you're in the best shape you can be so that you can be there for them.

No two kids are the same. Any specific advice anyone gives should be interpreted as "this worked for me, you will most definitely have different results".

It will feel like you're being pushed to your limit because you are. It's a tempering process. Every day, everything you do will make you stronger.

You will make mistakes. Massive, horrifying mistakes. They will eat at you for years. Let it go. Make sure your kids know you love them. They'll figure out you weren't perfect on their own. If they were loved, they'll forgive you for your mistakes.

I strongly recommend you take that last bit of advice and let it go. If you succeed, let me know how you did it.

Congrats!

When times get hard, and you feel like you might never be well-rested again, remember that kid will eventually smile, and then laugh, and then walk, and then tell you they love you. Enjoy the journey as much as you can!

If you need a minute, put them down somewhere safe, and take that minute. Sometimes the crying gets to you, and that’s OK too.

Someone else said it but I’m going to say it again because it’s a big deal. Read to your child every day. Seriously. Start super super early. Point to words as you are reading them.

Reading is the gateway to most other knowledge and the sooner you start and more of it you do, it makes a big difference. Some studies in the past (citation needed) have shown a link between the number of books around a child’s home and their intelligence.

Single father to a teen here.

Skin to skin contact. It's a great way to bond with your baby. Take your shirt off and hold them. Talk and sing to them.

Make sure you have plenty of diapers and wipes but don't buy too much of one size at one time. They grow fast! Also, learn what a blowout is if you don't know already.

Be ready for messes. On you, them, everywhere!

Take lots of photos and document milestones, silly moments, 1sts etc.

Be patient. There will be rough patches through their life but it's nothing you can't get through.

Keep up on Dr's visits and write a list of questions and concerns that aren't immediate so you don't forget.

Check out https://imaginationlibrary.com/ . Dolly Parton started this and they provide educational books from birth to 5 years old, free of charge.

These are 'later in life' things but useful nonetheless!

Take interest in anything they're interested in, even if they've already shown you 100 times before.

Always be honest and direct when asked questions because there will be a lot of questions. Some awkward, some silly, some that you may not know and will have to search for.

Teach them to communicate their feelings and how to deal with those feelings.

Teach them life skills early, such as cooking, cleaning etc

Take pictures. They’ll never be that age again.

read to them.. early and often. and when they're old enough, have them read to you.

The first few months are the hardest. You will be worn down, with very few happy moments to reward you, but it gets better each month. Nobody joins the army to go to boot camp. Mine is a little over a year old and while we still have some challenges and minor developmental delays, things are actually getting fun at times.

Three little things that aren't super useful for newborns (congratulations and enjoy the cuddles!).

If a child ever gives you anything, take it with huge gratitude. It could be a leaf but that's all they have to give. I have a box of things beside my bed that things they've put effort into go in. They love hearing that something is going in "the box". edit: I frequently do a selfie with them when they gift me something. They also love that.

Try to separate action from person for negative stuff...."that's naughty" not "you're naughty" but reverse that for positive things "Thank you! You're so kind!"

Take lots of photos and lots of videos. They're so great to look back on.

GOOD LUCK!

Be fooled and let them have their harmless lies. Otherwise you train them to be good liars.

You will get stressed, maybe even angry. It's ok. Take a deep breath and walk away for a moment.

There doesn't seem to be much emotional support for men, but sometimes it's needed. Talk to someone, anyone, even talking to random people on the internet can help.

Enjoy the ride, you're in for a great adventure, and while it doesn't feel like it at the time, they really do grow up quick.

Not now but later on please try and remember that when your kid fucks up, you will see YOUR flaws and not theirs, so be mindful of how you go about talking about it, discipline, punishment.

I know it can be difficult, but soft voices and calming shushes do wonders for little ones. Mine was a big fan of the bouncy knee when he was upset. Also as someone from an abusive home, violence never teaches anything except fear. As they get older, explain the consequences of what they do, like if it will cause them to get hurt, or if fighting bath time will lead to less time for books at bedtime for example (time management). The key to gentle parenting is teaching consequences rather than punishment. They should always be tied to the action to be a consequence, I.e. if you do or don’t do A, then we can’t do B. Taking away D will only cause confusion and anger.

Other than that, have patience with yourself. It’s hard being a parent and as long as you do your best, and show them love, that will be enough.

Enable them to make all the mistakes they want. Protect them from making permanent mistakes.

Spare clothes wherever are an absolute lifesaver.. spares for adults can also be very useful. Diaper bag, cars, etc.

Kid may appreciate a much louder noise than you'd think they would while sleeping. White noise machine or just a cellphone with something they find peaceful to sleep.

Kids absorb a ton, for our 3rd we implemented a lot of sign language and she communicates so much more than we realized at only 19 months (and since much earlier) which helps keep some frustration tantrums at bay.

Everyone will have advice, some is legitimately not applicable to you/your parenting style/who your child is/outdated. Just between my 3 they're so vastly different some things genuinely just wouldn't work for them all and it takes time to find what works whether it's food, clothing, room temps, etc.

Here's one for later:

Your job is too get your kids ready for life. Initially, you make all the decisions and control everything. As time goes on, you'll need to transition to letting them do things and letting them decide things. It's little at first, but it needs to increase.

Your kids should learn how to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. they'll need to do it for themselves some day, and far too many kids end up on their own with no idea how.

By the time they turn 18, your role as decision maker is OVER. From that point on you're available for solicited advice, and for rescue when they make a bad decision and need help.

Take more pictures and videos than you think you should. Document everything, especially the mundane. You will never regret taking a video or photo. I have a 16 year old and time flies so fast, but we look back at the past with fondness. My wife and I were smugly talking (to each other, never brag to other parents) about how our son didn't have tantrums, until I found a video of him having one. You are so sleep deprived that you will forget a lot, but you can rely on the video evidence

Not sure if it's boy or girl but girl dad checking in here...

My daughter's are 7, 4 and 3. As they get older, not unlike boys they start to develop interests and likes which usually is largely impacted by the parents. My buddies have sons and I don't see a difference in the relationship other than my girls are more affectionate. I think it really comes down to parenting.

My 7 year old plays basketball and swims through our university and plays video games with me. Last year we built some yard games with lumber scraps. She used the drills while I used the saws.

My 4 year is starting to join in now too. Work to be done at the cottage? Guess who's now on my heels to help? She gets legitimately pissed if I go to home depot without her so I now have to schedule those trips while she's awake.

My 3 year old is exactly that. 3 years old, a tornado toddler and a bit of a bully. But I'm excited to see what she starts latching onto. She's already wanting to tag along to home depot although she's more of the cuddle and read a book type (someone else said read to them everyday, highly recommended)

At the end of the day, I think girls / boys doesn't really matter too much. It's what you put into the relationship with them that matter most. I'd say it starts around the 2-3 year mark. Include them in everything you do.

On that note, I'm going to go downstairs and lift weights tomorrow morning with....you guessed it. All three of my girls. (I built them some wooden play weights that the little two use. My 7 year old is now old enough for 5's and cable machine as well as the play weights). Their attention span for lifting lasts like 3 minutes and then they go play. But they're not only allowed to be there, but encouraged to join me.

Your kids will benefit from the bonds you create with them from shared interests and spent time, not gender.

I've finally been able to get out the Lego I have been keeping since I was a kid and they love it. So much so 30% of Christmas gifts this year were Lego!

Lots of great advice. The one I might add that we failed at miserably is understanding and appreciating mental health issues. I really recommend that you educate yourself and your partner on what to keep an eye out for and check in with your kids to see how they're doing.

Here are my adds to the good advice already here. Don’t get too caught up with buying baby things. They grow fast and what they truly need is you, food, and sleep.

If you can afford the initial sped to get cloth diapers they are amazing and will save you and the planet a ton.

On that topic a blanket I the floor is the best changing table for money and safety. The kid can’t roll off the floor.

Be there to support the mother. This can be a difficult time especially if she is breastfeeding. Sleep will be difficult for both of you but especially for her.

If you play an instrument get the cheapest [instrument] shaped object you can. From 6 months to 4 your only practice time is while watching them in the tub, but you might destroy the insturment saving a drowning kid.

Kids act up when they don't get enough attention.
When people are dying they regret not spending more time with their loved ones. No one's ever been proud of how much overtime they did on their deathbed

1. everyone has opinions. Only your instincts are what matter for you and your family. Politely nod, internalize, synthesize against all your other inputs, and decide for yourself
2. wrt #1, you dont owe anyone shit
3. the days are long but the months and years are short. What seems like the hard part, is the important part, and it's fleeting from day one. Every second, your child is growing further from you from birth. Savor this
4. photos and videos. Tons. Non stop. You'll slow down organically. Lean in now
5. the only constant is change. A child is always growing as soon as you master one thing, you're learning the next whether it's diapers, eating, or opinions when they get older
6. it will get easier. Nobody tells you how hard it is, how lonely it gets in the beginning. It's not you. It's hard. But you can do this.
7. if the meal train hasn't left the station, prepare for existential dread around the time household hormones taper off. Everyone wants to see the newborn, but there's less help later when you actually need it
8. make life easy. Pay for help you can afford. Pre-Cut produce, delivery, prepared foods, bulk frozen, make it easy on yourself. This isn't forever. You deserve some grace
9. if baby is alive, it's going to be okay. That's your only job. Love the shit out of that little one and keep it alive, and you're succeeding
10. oxygen mask is real af. Hold it tight.