this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] BroBot9000@lemmy.world 157 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Pink and I would dedicate the rest of my life to making Elon Musk shit himself literally every time a camera is pointed at him.

[–] Alteon@lemmy.world 78 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah. I got the magenta one years ago. I've been making Trump drop a fucking load on camera for awhile now.

[–] NoForwardslashS@sopuli.xyz 19 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Can you make people poop so much they die? Asking for a friend

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago

just Elon? What about Nigel Farage? pls?

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] NewAgeOldPerson@lemmy.world 88 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Gold made me think of this forgotten greentext.

[–] EfreetSK@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

What? Where I live pissing directly into watter is like the opposite. As my roommate once said: "Didn't your father taught you how to piss or what?"

[–] MutilationWave@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Real men piss the shitstains off the bowl without making a mess.

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[–] dumbass@leminal.space 87 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Pink, you can control any situation with that.

You got some dude coming to attack you with a knife? Point finger guns at him and say "Poop", they poop instantly stopping them in their tracks, confusing the ever loving fuck out of them... Then you do it again while they stare at you, slowly working out it's you doing this.

You walk up to them as they slowly try to retreat from you, you hit them one more time and walk off into the distance, leaving him to try to get home without anyone noticing he pooped his pants, because who's gonna believe him?

[–] ArgentRaven@lemmy.world 58 points 2 weeks ago

He tries to run, but you slow-walk towards him, chanting "poop!" with every step. His pants are heavy, and blood starts to show through his jeans. "I'll cut your guts out!" he helplessly bluffs. Soon, he crumples up and screams as his guts start emptying into the street; his denim is no longer able to hold the carnage. You see him lying dead at your feet.

You turn back towards the United Healthcare headquarters, and resume your march.

Now, it is finally time to see at what point explosive diarrhea is covered...

[–] capt_wolf@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

What I want to know is, do I have control over consistency, force, and quantity? Is there a limit to the range for this power? Do I need line of sight or is it more of a "Death Note" thing? Can I cause defecation syncope? Can I make someone poop themself to death?

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

So far it seems to be whatever they have going on already, you can modify force tho, but that has risks of its own... It seems that as long as I have some form of live visual of the person it works.

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[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 57 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (6 children)

Why would anyone choose anything but the magenta one?

[–] grillgamesh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 34 points 2 weeks ago

I cast Power Word: "SHIT YOURSELF"

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[–] Seigest@lemmy.ca 51 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

The older you get the more your going to want that poop command to use on yourself.

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[–] BigBenis@lemmy.world 50 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Assuming I could force somebody to poop on command with little effort beyond sheer willpower, I would absolutely take it upon myself to dish out petty justice with that power.

I see you being rude to people working in a service job? You get poopy pants.

I see you playing music on your phone or otherwise being obnoxious on the bus or some other public space? You get poopy pants.

Are you driving like an asshole? Following too closely? Cutting people off? Honking the moment the light turns green? Words can't express the satisfaction I will feel in knowing that you're now sitting in your car with the poopiest of pants my power could possibly muster.

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 36 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

I would immediately try to weaponize it. Spend a weekend making putin telepathically shit his brains out without pause should probably be enough to make him die from the sheer loss of matter and nutrients.

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[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

Okay, but at all times there is a mass of constipated people surrounding you, lining up in a queue in front of your home, begging you to relieve them! And obvioysly many havent really thought about where to go about it if you help them...

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 40 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] spechter@lemmy.ml 16 points 2 weeks ago

I hope you're on your very own watch list :S

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 39 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Who tf is choosing anything but pink?!?

[–] boonhet@lemm.ee 18 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I mean the weed gummy isn't that bad

But of the rest, pink is the only one that does anything fun. And it could technically be useful. If you need to distract someone during a heist, for an example.

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[–] polysics@lemmy.world 37 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Pink all the way. Rude to some service worker? Poopy pants. Didn't return the cart? Poop. Drive like an asshole? Poop. Politician spewing hateful garbage on national television? Oh you bet you're getting the poopy pants.

I would be The Punisher, only with poop instead of guns.

[–] dance_ninja@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago
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[–] bruhduh@lemmy.world 28 points 2 weeks ago
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 24 points 2 weeks ago (16 children)

Jeez. All you mean people.

I'd take the pink pill and help people with intestinal blockages and stuff.

[–] Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 11 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Why not both? Help the constipated AND make the world's worst people shit themselves on live TV...

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[–] Breve@pawb.social 21 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

I would take the pink one, then find my least favourite people and make the infinite poop copypasta into reality...

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[–] figaro@lemdro.id 20 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Pink would be politically beneficial. You could legitimately make major progress in the world with that power. Someone who disagrees with you tries to speak publicly? Time to poop. Hell. Just harass them with explosive diarrhea until they notice the trend that whenever they do something political, the diarrhea returns.

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[–] toxic_cloud@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Do they have to have poop in them or does it spawn some inside them? That's necessary information.

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[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

I like that it's "Forced". If it was just "make people shit themselves", it would just happen and then they'd wonder what's going on But Forced implies they're fighting it, it implies resistance. That's kinda messed up.

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[–] SparrowHawk@feddit.it 17 points 2 weeks ago

Imagine being surrounded by cops and just saying "get sharted!" And running away while the cops cry and moan in excremental pain

The Sharter strike again

[–] Pulptastic@midwest.social 16 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)
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[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Choose One?

That question mark ❓ suggests the option I could take them all instead if I wanted...

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[–] SurfinBird@lemmy.ca 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean, it’s not even a contest

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago

I’d choose yellow as well. I imagine sound will reach like 90 dB!

[–] Embarrassingskidmark@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Force people to poop on command - I'd have xin jinping on speed dial

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[–] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

the pink one, thenbevery oligarch will never stop shitting.

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[–] ThePyroPython@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Allow me to introduce my little friend: Transmetropolitan Bowl Disruptor

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[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

It's only chaotic evil if you use it as such.

Could work as a televangelist for constipated people.

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

People with chronic constipation constantly bothering the guy who took the pink pill.

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[–] BrazenSigilos@ttrpg.network 12 points 2 weeks ago

My Super-name would have to be Shitstorm

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago

Definitely pink, I would be the most powerful man on Earth.

[–] SpaceCadet@feddit.nl 11 points 2 weeks ago
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