this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2024
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[–] Rakonat@lemmy.world 196 points 1 week ago (4 children)

While 100% in the don't fake it camp, please also remember us men are not mind readers and our equipment works different. Much like with cooking and cleaning, if you don't tell us what we are doing wrong or better yet show us the right way, we are going to assume we did our part cause we got the result we wanted and you didn't complain or ask for something different.

[–] Siethron@lemmy.world 62 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Also a woman's ability to cum varies HIGHLY from person to person.

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 31 points 1 week ago

I'd say day to day as well, depending on many factors (stress, energy level, hormones, etc.)

Just communicate and see what's working or not, or if anything works at all. It will make the sex better for everyone involved.

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[–] gladflag@lemmy.ml 27 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Yes! Also, tell your male friends to communicate and actively ask what feels good!

Edit: Also

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[–] Allero@lemmy.today 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What I happened to notice with different girls as a guy is that for many, of not most, telling/showing the right way is a turn-off and having something the right way without showing first is a source of tremendous excitement.

With that said, we, men, are still not mind readers, and women really do have it very differently, so some common sex education, while useful, can only cover the basics, and even they are not universally applicable.

[–] Omgpwnies@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago

telling/showing the right way is a turn-off

I don't think OP is talking about a PowerPoint presentation (unless that's your kink, you do you), but more like some verbal cues "faster" "don't stop" "a little lower" etc. If the guy has a reasonable amount of attentiveness and experience, he should be able to get her 80% of the way there. Also, little cues like that can be hot as well because we know she's into it and stuff.

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[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 154 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (6 children)

I feel like as.a.woman I.have to.point out that, many times, a woman orgasming or not is not.your fuck's fault.

I would also.like to point out that it is harder to orgasm in "normal" sex than is it with oral, so.if your girl didn't orgasm don't take it personally, pull your pants up and go down on her

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 238 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I believe your comment is suffering from irregular periods.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 85 points 1 week ago (6 children)

It might be low on iron, or overtraining

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[–] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 64 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I understand you are a woman but you really need to get control of your periods here.

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[–] BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works 47 points 1 week ago (2 children)

There’s also women who can not orgasm by in-and-out movements (like: the act of fucking) and it just hurts them after a while. Had to find that out the hard way.

[–] RedditWanderer@lemmy.world 39 points 1 week ago

I think people would be really surprised at the wide variety of shapes for women insides. Some shapes just don't get rubbed the same way.

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[–] 1984@lemmy.today 28 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I'm surprised this is news to people but I guess sex education varies between countries maybe.

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[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Or, first ask for directions, go down and stay down, keep listening and doing exactly what she says, until she gets there first. THEN bring your dick to the party. For many of us the second and successive orgasms are much quicker and easier to achieve, even from penetrative sex.

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[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 95 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Most men are a lot more receptive to input than many women give us credit for. For the mist part, men do not want to be known as a terrible lay. If your man doesn't think he needs pointers, get someone else to treat you right.

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[–] atro_city@fedia.io 88 points 1 week ago (2 children)

> Lies there like a dead fish
> Barely participates
> Expects pleasure beyond wildest dreams
> "Why are men so bad at sex?"

[–] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 25 points 1 week ago (10 children)

Have you tried giving instructions? My experience is everyone is different and some people need to be told what to do. Is that a fit for you? Maybe not then move on.

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[–] Soulg@sh.itjust.works 82 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I know the tone of this is supposed to be "haha you suck" but if you fake it then you're only going to make the guy keep doing the thing that didn't work. Help them learn how to be better because they can't feel what you're feeling.

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[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 78 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

How is he supposed to get better if you don't give feedback?

[–] BatrickPateman@lemmy.world 35 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Exactly. Leave a one star review for his address on Google Maps or something.

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[–] bcgm3@lemmy.world 75 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, please. Why be deceptive? It serves no one.

Better yet, take responsibility for your own pleasure. Play an active role in getting what you want out of the act. Communicate. Why wouldn't you?

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 31 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I've heard from a lot of women that a portion of men take any attempt to provide suggestions as a direct attack on their masculinity

[–] ghen@sh.itjust.works 45 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Well that's just two reasons not to date them since those guys all probably listen to Tate.

[–] inv3r510n@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Not just men, I’m a lesbian and I’ve experienced this with women too. Some people are really sensitive to constructive criticism especially during intimacy.

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[–] Professorozone@lemmy.world 71 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Or you could teach him. Better for both of you.

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[–] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 67 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I dumped a woman when she told me she faked her orgasms. Good sex requires honesty, trust, and communication. It's impossible to get better when either person is being dishonest.

[–] pinkystew@reddthat.com 18 points 1 week ago

Good, fuck her. Or not fuck her in this case. I've dated two or three guys that had honesty issues, and the relationship crumbled very quickly after I figured it out. Without trust there's no respect, no cooperation, no kindness.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 65 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Or rather: don't fake orgasms, make sure he knows if there's something he can do better.

Constrictive criticism and pointers is how we get better, especially at doing the things YOU specifically like.

If he can't roll with that, though, kick his ass to the curb. Maybe point and laugh at his weird penis first 😛

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 51 points 1 week ago (16 children)

Was with you until you thought pointing and laughing would help make someone see the light

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[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Constrictive criticism

Freudian slip? But hey if that's what you're into then good for you 😉

Otherwise? Yeah, come on, don't settle for shit sex, if you can teach your partner to be better then why not? Don't be too afraid to say something.

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[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 38 points 1 week ago (5 children)

More like

Fake orgasms and just pee on him to secretly assert dominance

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[–] Zannsolo@lemmy.world 34 points 1 week ago (4 children)

I'm lucky my wife orgasms easily from PIV makes me feel like a champ but really it's just her body that makes it happen.

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[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 31 points 1 week ago

Would be nicer to know so you can actually get better tbh

[–] Xatolos@reddthat.com 31 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] lord_ryvan@ttrpg.network 1 points 18 hours ago

37s?
Of ploughing?

Look at this champ!

[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 25 points 1 week ago (13 children)
[–] TheRealKuni@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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[–] gnuplusmatt@reddthat.com 19 points 1 week ago (4 children)

As a chronic premature ejaculator, just get good with your tongue and pushing past the refactory period to go for round 2 (which lasts ages 👍)

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[–] Kraiden@kbin.earth 18 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Honestly, yeah! If it's not going to happen, fine, that's life sometimes. If I'm doing something that doesn't work for you, or you want something different, how tf am I supposed to know that? I'm not psychic ffs. If you fake an orgasm, you get what you deserve.

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[–] Coreidan@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago

Ya you just suck at communicating. It’s probably why most of your relationships fail.

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