this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2023
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Always happy to talk about it with people in good faith!
You are partially correct in that I like it because it makes it clear I'm not het without getting into specifics, but I choose it over other similar descriptors for a few additional reasons. I know some people who identify as pansexual and though it's completely valid to identify with that, I like that queer does not solely refer to sexuality. There are plenty of aromantic pansexuals and asexual people looking for relationships. Because queer doesn't end in "sexual" I feel like it's a more wholistic view of the relationship I'm seeking and allows me to discuss it without implying any explicitly sexual feelings. I'm not aro/ace but I feel like it gives people more room in that regard. Similarly, I like that it's not as restrictive as bisexual, though bisexuals don't necessarily endorse a gender binary. I like that's it's super inclusive, but still leaves me space I feel like pansexual does not reserve for me to find gender identities or expressions that I have a preference for or against. I also like that it gives me an immediate gauge on how people feel about the community as a whole. No true ally will go "well what does that even mean?! You're all coming up with things just to confuse us" and some trans exclusive or nonbinary exclusive people will push back on it because "bisexual" should be sufficient or some nonsense like that. It allows people to ask questions if it's relevant to them or they are interested, while still giving people that don't care as much or might not be interested the general idea that I'm a member of the LGBT community and I'm open about that. I am in a long term monogamous relationship at the moment but this was all relevant when I was dating.
In a more practical sense, to me it means I'm interested in a variety of sexual and gender expressions and though I cannot definitively say I would like any and all combinations of them, I'm more than likely happy to engage if I like the person.