this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2025
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There's a big problem with the "women message first" gimmick, and it's that they just don't.
If they don't simply let the match expire, you either get a shitty Gif, or something along the lines of "hey."
Maybe one in ten will actually send a message that genuinely starts a conversation.
Just like with anything, if you put something interesting in your bio, women will use that as conversation starter.
So same result as when men message first.
Might just be my experience, but men put in more effort. Probably because women are more desirable so they don't really need to.
*superficially desirable
it would work better if it was "women swipe first'. men can look at and swipe the women who swiped them already. this solves two problems:
please give me 1 million dollars
Facebook dating kinda has this where you get notified if someone likes you Ironically it works better than any other dating app. The whole swipe til you both match deal is just to keep people paying and using the app for longer
Would be totally cool if I wasn't completely certain that they would use that against me.
Now if Facebook Dating would increase it's freaking character limit for profile bios, it'd be perfect. But nooooo...
This means men will see many fewer women on the platform in many cases.
Yes, that's the idea. They wouldn't see anyone who hasn't already liked them.
it means men would not spend hours on the app, which means nobody would ever do this
Who wants men spending hours on the app and why? Most of these are subscription-based, not ad-supported.
i dunno i thought that was the goal of all apps. it's free money basically
No, it's the goal of apps that want to serve as many advertisements as humanly possible. Most dating apps don't have any way to monetize your attention.
Exactly, Im 50 and Im not rich or particularly good looking. If I was straight I might only see 5 or 6 women on the app that would match with me to begin with and if those didn't become anything I'd be done with that app. It can't work
Would you rather see 5 or 6 women that all expressed interest in you or a thousand women who have never and probably will never even see you? Open the app, swipe 5 or 6 times, move on with your life.
i am the most attractive sexy man in my entire giant city of 23 million people but i still have to swipe 50 girls to get 1 match and i might not even be that interested in her. better to meet girls in real life and follow them around on the tube and insert myself into their personal space 🚀
thanks
Well cultural habits are slow to change. I suspect it would take some 20 years to change the dynamics such than women are always expected to make the first move.
Bumble was well positioned to push for that change, unfortunately earning revenue has a priority, they are are a business after all. Still their gimmick got the ball rolling, we'll see who picks it up next.
I literally saw so many profiles being like “I don’t message first”, like do you even understand what the app you’ve signed up for is?
I always wondered if they realised we actually can't send the first message.
Well, men CAN message first, as of like 8 months ago.
I did hear about that.
Yeah I can see how women message first will tank a dating app. That fucking stupid. I get it that women get bombarded with messages from guys on dating apps. But guess what all the time I used the apps 0% was I ever messaged by a woman.
Women don't chase men because they don't have too. I knew several women I help set up their dating profiles. They would get a 1000 hits, mostly guys says "hey" or the worse be :hey baby".
How I realize just how easy and why I never had problems with dating apps. You got to give a woman more then hey and calling them baby is just cringe. Then you get the guys straight up asking for sex or nudes. Anyways point is having the app where the men can't make a move unless the women contact you? Will not work wtf was she thinking?
Hell most of them like to just scroll, none of them were interested in making the first move.
Because the moment a woman makes a move, then the guy just falls the hell over on themselves thinking they've struck jackpot, then they'll start pouring in their long-ass list of shitty pick up lines. Just admit it, guys cannot for the life of them, treat a woman as a woman and as a human being. There is always, always some underlying goal a guy has most of the time, when it comes to finally talking with a woman who bothers giving them even 5 minutes of their time.
And you highlighted them.
You literally listed a bunch of reasons why men shouldn't be allowed to message first
I mean, it did work though. It was one of the top dating apps for a long time.
Huh the app lost 53% of stock price so no whatsoever she was doing didn't work why they fired her ass.
You're contradicting yourself, because you didn't understand (or didn't read) the article.
Bumble was a platform where only women could message first. It was a leading platform for a while. This CEO changed that to be a more conventional system where men could message first. After that change, the user base dwindled and the stock tanked, as you noted.
In other words, they were much more successful as a woman-message-first platform.
I see never used Bumble, well are they changing it back? What other features does it hold? Is like all the rest now were you swipe left or right? I used OKCUPID back when you had to put thought into your profile. And the longer the better.
Maybe you missed the headline where this was a new CEO that killed their only unique feature...or the fact that I used the past tense in the comment you replied to.
What she was doing was making it so men can message first...
Work as in actually help meet people? Not really.
As a man who’s struggling with dating, Bumble has always been more effective for me than Tinder
Agreed. When I was playing that game Bumble for me was a much more effective platform. Tinder is horrible, just a cesspool of low moral high ego monkeys.
Admittedly my marriage started from a one night stand / hookup at a bar with someone visiting from 400km away, so these apps never paid off in the long term for me.
I'm not that conventionally attractive and Bumble worked great for me in my late 30s. People on different platforms are looking for different things. Bumble had its niche and it was very successful there, even if it was not for you like the other apps we're not for me.