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half asian here. from childhood onward, i get asked "where are you from," and by the look on their face they're not satisfied with "tennessee" because obviously you can't be from anywhere in the states if you're less than 100% white. so anytime someone says "where are you from" what i hear is "what chingchong chinaman land are you"
Honest question here. It's something I avoid asking most of the time because I'm not sure whether or not it's appropriate, but would it be okay to ask, "where did your ancestors come from," or would that still be offensive to a multiracial person? It's not something that comes up regularly or anything, but occasionally I'll end up in conversation with someone who is multiracial and clearly another American and I'll think, "I wonder what their family story is? How did their predecessors get here? Where did they come from?" But I usually don't ask because I don't want to offend them.
Obviously I wouldn't just walk up to a stranger and ask them, I mean if I'm getting to know someone.
Edit: I should add that I'm white, but my family history is pretty weird, so I do like to hear about others' history regardless of their race, I just don't want to broach the subject where it might be a sensitive one.
i can't speak for all multiracial people (or anyone else for that matter). but personally any question that doesn't pretend to be something other than it is is fine. if the thing you want to know is someone's ancestry or ethnic background, then don't ask "where are you from." that's all.
also, still not speaking for anyone else, but i've gotten pretty numb to people being racist towards me, because i decided that if someone's going to judge people by their race (or anything else they didn't choose for themself), then there's no reason to care what they think anyway. though i will mock and ridicule racists for the sake of others who experience suffering from racism. especially kids.
Thanks for the answer, and I'm sorry you've become numb to the racism. It sucks that there's even a reason to feel a need to be.
Really, the only two times I could imagine asking someone where they were from no matter what they looked like is if they had an especially weird accent, and I would probably precede it with, "you have an interesting accent," or if I found out we were both from the same state, so I'd be asking them where in the state. Otherwise, it's kind of a stupid question to ask of anyone most of the time, at least in the U.S., even if you aren't trying to be a bigot.
things are getting better though--unlike the kids around me when i was a kid, i see the younger generations today being much more accepting and welcoming of different races, gender identities, sexual orientations, etc., because the racist white supremacist greatest fear is actually coming true: the country is becoming more and more diverse, more inclusive, and more equitable. and they want to stop it at all costs. that's why we're having to waste time arguing about DEI and CRT and gay books in the library and yes, kamala IS black, and yes, kamala IS indian--gasp at the same. time.
i dont' see the numbness i feel for myself as a bad thing; it keeps me sane. and i still feel pain for other people who are victims of racism. not everyone is at a point where they can acknowledge these emotions and then let them pass away as they arise. so i will still speak out and condemn racism at every opportunity
So, from your answer the question "Are you from around here?" would be fine or would it sound to close to "where are you from?" ? I've had similar thoughts about ancestry as to @FlyingSquid, but don't ask. Usually best not to ask if there is a high chance of offending someone.
Honestly don't like terms like "black-Americans", "asian-Americans or "mexican-Americans". I rarely here "white-Americans", they are just Americans. Feels like a way to segregate verbally.
I think "Are you from around here?" has a totally different vibe. It presupposes they might be and that you'll take that as an answer rather than going "no, but where are you really from?"
again speaking only for myself, both "where are you from" and "are you from around here" are similar in that they're not "bad" in and of themselves, unless you're looking for an answer that those questions aren't asking for. the thing that's irksome is not people wanting to know "what kind of asian" i am, but saying "where are you from" with the assumption that the answer will be some asian country ("obviously you're not american" is the implication). just say "what's your family's background" or something similar.
also pro tip, it's not the case for me, but some people get mad when someone assumes "what kind of asian" they are. my dad, who's full japanese, hates it when people just assume he's chinese or korean or anything else. i'm glad i didn't inherit whatever that's all about
I think I know how your dad feels. Growing up in West Coast US I didn't understand why central Americans had such animosity towards being compared or mistaken as Mexican. Then I moved to the south. To my co workers every brown person was Mexican. "hey go ask your little amigo xy or z" was common. "what little amigo?" " The Mexican who's got the keys to the gate" "I don't know that guy. Also, he's Guatemalan. See that flag hanging from his car? It's a Guatemalan flag" I didn't piss me off, but it made me feel a way I haven't felt before and it's not positive. I now get triggered when people just assume I'm Mexican. It says a lot about them and it's not good.
As a full Asian, asking "What's your ethnic background?" is far better than "where are you from?"
It's so fucking annoying when people ask me "where are you from?" Because I'll answer "Oh, I live just a few miles away." And then they go, "no, I mean where are you really from?" And then I'll answer, "I'm from a few miles away you fucking racist."
Btw, at a funeral I got this line of questioning one too many times and actually said that.
It's also contextual. Asking this after a few beers and some light conversation, asking about my background is cool. But it being the first or second question makes it weird.
Thanks for asking FlyingSquid.
Amen to that! As your South Asian brother I feel exactly the same, and do the same, just without the cursing.
So, @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world, if you ask me where I'm from, accept the first answer. If you want to know my ethnicity, you can ask that. Or you can just take your time getting to know me and I might share how I identify ethnically on my own when it makes sense in our relationship.
I've gotten "dude, what the fuck are you?!" you before, which I thought was a hilarious way to breach the subject.
I'm tall, had very long (black) hair at the time and had a dark tan. I could pass as part native, black, Hispanic, Asian, pretty much anything.
It was a fair question.
Hi! Coming from another half asian, I personally find it more tasteful to ask "what is your ethnicity".
My personal fall back to get others to open up in any type of conversation is to start talking about food. Comfort food, junk food, family recipes/traditions; it's all good because people can't help but share when it comes to food. I've learned so much about different cultures and some damn good recipes just talking about food with everyone.
I'd suggest it would be best if someone's racial background wasn't made to be an important part of the conversation at all.
At least not unless it happens to have some relevance like in relation to places they have personally experienced or languages they speak or something like that.
Where a person's grandparents came from isn't (or shouldn't be) a big deal compared to most other things about that person.
It isn't a big deal, but family histories really interest me and I guess I'm trying to find a way to ask a multiracial person about their family history without trying to make it sound like it's about race.
Like I said to someone else, it's much more informative to know that Kamala Harris' father was not just black, but Jamaican. But if you do want to introduce race as well, it's also more informative to know that he was also multiracial, having a parent who had a European parent. I think that can show you where a person comes from in the sense of what they consider their heritage to be. Which is not so much about race as it is about where people's ancestors have lived in the past and what sort of cultures have been passed down through the generations.
Does that make sense?
The unfortunate problem is that it is such a big deal for far too many Americans. Makes the whole topic a much more complex minefield.
I disagree with this. A person's heritage can be important. Racists attitudes can grow out of not understand a person's culture. of course, a person's heritage can also NOT be important. People do lose connections to the homeland and this seems to be more common in America.
Heritage isn't necessarily the same as the colour of your skin, though.
Or “what ethnicity are you”?
It's different for everyone. For me, I don't like it when strangers ask so I don't ask when I'm the one who is curious. If it's friends or someone getting to know me, it doesn't matter how it's asked. I do not mind. If I'm handing you a beer and say " that'll be x dollars." And you respond by asking where I'm from, it bothers me. It's the difference between getting to know someone and trying to fit them in a box. I get that sometimes people are curious but not every curiosity has to be satisfied. When I tell them that I'm from US it's common to be followed by "fine! Where are your parents from?" That's just weird. I'd never approach a stranger and ask about their parents.
Yeah, sorry, I meant when getting to know someone not just asking a random stranger. I didn't know if it was something I should hold off on until I knew them really well.
That reminds me of the scene in Parks and Rec where someone asks where Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) is from. He responds Illinois. Then the person asks "but where are your parents from?" He responds "Georgia."
fine I'll rewatch parks and rec
I always take the opportunity to mess with people who ask me that question.
Where are you from? - (a city in the US).
Where did you move from. - (an other city in the US).
Where where you born. - (a city in Europe).
Uhhh.... So uh.... I mean.... What's the... <starts sweating about a politely way to say, "the not-white part">
Half Asian here. At least in my experience, those questions don't tend to come from a place of malice, just a genuine curiosity of ethnic background since they can't figure it out by look.
Sure, there are some racists too. But I've had plenty of ambivalent conversations that start off that way. Beats starting a conversation on weather or other generic topics.
i prefer to assume positive intent whenever i can. then i read things like the title of this post.
It may not come from malice but it sure makes them stupid when interactions like this is normal.
https://youtu.be/d_CaZ4EAexQ?si=ty9I1zv8isihm8nY
Also, not everybody is comfortable talking about that as a starter conversation.
Half Asian here and yeah I never assume someone’s coming from a bad place when they ask.
I hope people don’t become too afraid to ask where someone’s from in fear of looking racist or some dumb shit. It’s natural to be curious and I’ve had people take guesses from Indian to India.
try it with native american ancestory that is no longer native due to the pogroms in the 19th & 20th centuries; it doesn't matter that we were here first, we truly can't be from here anymore because nearly all of the ones who lived on this side of the border were genocided out of existence so now we have to get permission to live on the land we've been inhabiting for thousands of years.
the icing on this cake is pointing this out brands you a malcontent for doing so.
And then you also get a bunch of white people (like me until a few years ago) who think it's a point of pride they are 1/16th Cherokee without realizing it likely means their great great grandmother was raped by a white guy. My great great grandparents were married, but I have no idea whether it was a forced marriage by him stealing her or if it was a love marriage.
i always felt that the cherokee great great grandma thing was a nicer/kinder american version of the mexican thing.
dna tests have confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt that the european contribution to modern mexicans is extremely minimal and very concentrated in the few places where it becomes statistically significant enough to measure, but the popular cultural consensus minimizes native contribution; meaning that the great great grandma raping was at such a hugely pervasive scale that it literally created countries all throughout latin america full of people that have actively chosen to forget about all the great great grandma rape.
i used to think that it was a crazy one-off occurrence from a century ago and that any sane person today would never cooperate with that kind of groupthink in the modern day; but hearing people on lemmyverse and reddit minimizing an active genocide is merely a "privileged single issue voter perspective" and i think i'm starting to understand how that great great cherokee grandma story came into existence.
"where are you from?"
"Tennessee"
"No, I meant what country you originaly come from"
yep. i've had that conversation almost verbatim
A conversation like that was front page news not so long ago.
I lived in Tennessee for a few years. I've never been greeted so many times with "do you speak English?" Sometimes I'd just be like "nah!" And walk away.
no hablo ingles, pendejo
I'm not American and don't live there, but "where are you from" shouldn't be offensive, unless you're native American. Just normalize asking white people where they are from, too.
It's because the question is weaponized. It makes the assumption that just because you don't look like me that you can't possibly be a "real" American. And asking the same in reverse doesn't work, because white people in the US love saying where their ancestors are from.
My response is mostly a joke anyway. But how's their originally being from somewhere else different from an Asian person's originally being from somewhere else?
Because in their heads, being from Europe is normal and being from Asia is weird at best and bad at worst. It's an assumption that if you don't look like them then you aren't from here. The next step is if you aren't from here then you don't belong here.
If they were to ask a white person in the US where they were from and the person answered, "Pittsburgh," then the conversation would move to something about sports. What always happens and is very annoying is that when the same question asked to an Asian person with the same answer of Pittsburgh, the next topic NEVER moves to sports or weather or how many bridges the city has (a lot). The next question is always a probe to find out where you REALLY are from, because you sure as shit aren't from America. If you were a real American you wouldn't have eyes that looked like that. It's a way to prove in their head that, even though you were born in the US and love football and drive a truck, there's an anchor that makes you anything other than American.
If racists were capable of logical, sound thoughts they wouldn’t be racist.