this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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What you’re experiencing right now is extremely painful, and you have absolutely every right to feel awful and overwhelmed by it. It’s a lot to go through. If you’re able to, try to take a second to recognize how much compassion you deserve - try to treat yourself the way that you would treat somebody else going through the same thing. I would strongly recommend reaching out to a medical doctor or (secular) psychologist or counselor to talk to them about how severe this is for you. Is there somebody on staff at your school, or a doctor in your area that you can reach out to? There may also be a number you can call in your area. These people are obligated to help you, even if your parents and church disagree. I know that I don’t have to tell you how bad it is, and you both need and deserve help from a responsible, nonreligious adult who knows you in person and can help you with the things that you’re going through. One more thing - you’re still bi, even if nobody around you acknowledges this and even if your family continues to be hateful - they can’t change the core of who you are. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Please reach out to somebody - cutting is no joke, suicidal thoughts are no joke, and any competent doctor or counselor who knows the truth about your situation will have an ethical obligation to help you. You exist, you’re alive, you’re bi, and that’s a beautiful thing. You deserve to be protected. Even if it takes a few tries to find an adult around you who is up to the task - do it anyway. Your life matters and you don’t deserve to have to cope with this alone.
@sleepybisexual, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this terrible situation.
I agree with the others that counseling could be useful, if you can access it safely. Please take care of your mental and physical health as best you can. I don't know much about your situation, but it sounds like the kind of thing you can go through and be stronger on the other side. And one of the best ways to help your younger siblings not become bigots is if they can look up to you as they grow up. Once you can safely come out of the closet, they can understand that LGBTQ+ people are people just like them.
It's a good idea to look into this, but double-check the policies in your area: in particular whether these services are legally required (and socially expected) to maintain confidentiality.
I don't trust school staff and won't be back in school for 2-3 months forgot length of holidays. My mental health is unstable and I'm worried I damaged my arm.
im sorry you're going through this baby. i cut up my arm pretty bad too once when i was a little older than you for similar reasons :(
the biggest risk to your arm from cutting is nerve or connective tissue damage. do you have any numbness or tingling? do you have full range of motion in your fingers and wrist? can you stretch your fingers all the way out wide and then make a fist? i know testing all this hurts, but if you're capable of doing all that and you're not experiencing freaky nerve pain in your hand, you're probably going to be ok long term.
keep the wound clean and dry the best you can. you can apply vitamin e or scar cream too it when it's more healed to reduce scaring.
My hand is OK i just can't rotate my whole arm. Fingers work. I'm scared because my parents noticed my wounds
I'm just scared to seek help and be honest about the extent of my problems. I hate my parents so much. As for my sh I'm scare di may have ficked up my arm
It makes sense that you would be scared - it sounds like you haven’t been in too many situations where people around you have been helpful. First things first- your arm. The best thing, if you can access them, is steri strips or butterfly closures. Close any open wounds with these, use some antibiotic ointment a few times a day, and cover it with a bandage, and keep it clean until it’s fully healed. If you think there is anything more complicated than a skin injury going on, i really would urge you to seek medical attention. It is better to get caught than it is to get an infection. BioOil is pretty good for lessening scars. Project Lets also has a list of alternatives to self harm. Most of the suggestions probably sound increddddibly irritating and unhelpful at first, but you would be surprised how many of them actually work. If you feel an urge to hurt yourself in the future, try a few things off the list. The best thing is to get those emotions OUT of your body, and not to repress them, or shame yourself for feeling them, or judge yourself for expressing them in messy ways. Trapped pain has to come out somehow, so if you can find a way to get to it before it becomes as severe, that can reduce self harm urges a lot. https://projectlets.org/alternatives-to-selfharm
Seeking help can be incredibly overwhelming and scary. Mental health services are far from perfect in most places, and I definitely do want to echo @solanaceous@beehaw.org ’s advice on checking the regulations in your area regarding confidentiality. But i would make the argument that when things feel bad enough that you don’t feel safe at all or you aren’t sure how to keep going, the fears and drawbacks that come with seeking help from a flawed system are well worth it if they get you through to the other side. This of course depends on your situation. Ultimately, you are the one who knows your own situation best, you know more about your life and your region than I do. You are the one who gets to choose what you think the safest and most helpful option for you is, based on the information you have and the way you feel. Always do what makes you safest. If anything I’ve written here seems wrong to you, or feels condescending, ignore it. I can only tell you what worked/what would have worked for me based on my own experiences. But above all all, please take care of yourself (and your arm). It probably doesn’t seem that important right now, but it is.
Thank you