this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2023
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My first Appointment went really well (feddit.de)
submitted 1 year ago by DmMacniel@feddit.de to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
17 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

So some other girls in this community mentioned that they had their first appointments regarding transgender questions and such, and so did I.

To preface this, I'm from Germany, so don't take any advice from this post please as every journey is different and is dependent on where you life, what healthcare options you have and such.

So, I went to an independent, donation based, center which deals about everything LGBTQ+. First it was pretty easy, going up to the door looking for the ringer, and then I suddenly stop in my motion. I hesitated and asked myself: "Am I really ready for this, to question everything?" My finger pressed the ringer and the Door swung open.

A super cheery woman was waiting for me and showed me the room where we would get to know each other and had to leave me alone for a bit as she had to deal with something else first (it was also 10 minutes before the actual appointment, I like being too early than being too late).

Then we talked. About all of my immediate concerns regarding transitioning, not only socially and medically, but political and work related as well.

I didn't know that public healthcare in Germany can cover so many things (when you have a diagnosed ICD-10 F64.0 that is). From HRT, to surgery to hair removal, vocal-chord surgery...

Pretty amazing. Buuuuut, getting that diagnose is a pain in the butt, even though I'm in the third-biggest city. There are just too few specialized therapists and the queue times can be years long. But that's not where it ends, I have to go through at least 5 sessions, 50 minutes each. And then I can get the diagnosis to get my medical journey started. Firstly, I want to go on HRT, getting those hormones and the body changes; they sound super promising. I'm not certain yet about the steps after that. But changing my legal name will, currently as a new law is in the making, take legal council, examination and some months to think it over, and then an appointment at court. WTF? The new law can't come soon enough.

So yeah. It has been good talking to a sister regarding those questions and my concerns, as the political climate isn't looking spiffy right now, and it only gets worse.

In any case, if you have questions or need help regarding trans* please seek out your local community as they can be really helpful and supportive!

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[–] miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Wait, I thought the new Selbstbestimmungsgesetz covers both gender and name? Didn't that already go into effect? So changing both or either should simply require you to hand in a declaration (I guess you'd call it) at your local civil registry office, no?

If I'm not misunderstanding something, that is.

If you don't mind, could you point me where to look for such a center you went to? I'm a bit lost on where to go for a first conversation that isn't with a therapist I need to wait... lots of time for

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.de 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah the Selbstbestimmungsgesetz will cover both (personenstand and name) but it isn't in effect yet. Should become online next year, but at the very least in this legislature period.

So I went to the https://www.mhc-hh.de/ but that probably won't help you much when you aren't in Hamburg.

They gave me a link to https://queermed-deutschland.de/ which can help you find doctors, material, general stuff regarding the topic.

but in the end I guess your searchengine provider you can trust is your best friend when finding a trans* community near you.

[–] miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

but it isn't in effect yet

Well damn, that puts a damper on my mood. Somehow I was sure about it being in effect already.

They gave me a link to https://queermed-deutschland.de/ which can help you find doctors, material, general stuff regarding the topic.

This is super helpful, thank you!
As you said, finding a therapist (for anything, really) is rather... yeah. Any resource I can look at in the meantime is appreciated to a degree I've never appreciated anything before.

That being said, I now need to berate my hair some more for not growing fast enough.

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.de 3 points 1 year ago

That being said, I now need to berate my hair some more for not growing fast enough.

I fell ya sister. I have genetically male baldness. My hair used to grow curly and long when 20 years ago... now i can be happy when I get like 5 centimetres after 2 years or so. :(

Anyho, glad to be of some help to you :)

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I hang around places like this because I'm about totally ignorant of trans issues.

Can I ask how old you are? Years of wait time seems critical when it's seemingly best to transition ASAP during/after puberty.

And it seems sane, to me, to solidly screen people to make sure they're not, uh, I don't want to sound shitty, but "going through a phase"? I know you know yourself better, but some young people try on a lot of different roles in life and changing sex is about as big and permanent as changes come.

Not really comparable, but I'm as hetero/cis as it gets, and I played Wonder Woman on the playground for years, always had a feminine side regarding dress, etc. Hell, I'm 52 and have finally figured out to buy women's clothing as it fits me better.

Hope none of that was out of line. Again, I plead ignorance. Never known a trans person personally. Even being gay around here is still kept on the down-low.

[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

250 minutes of screening over several months seems excessive to me. For me I only spent like a few minutes describing my gender dysphoria before I got a diagnosis. Thing is, we spend a lot of time ourselves thinking about it, I personally spent 4 years thinking about it before I made an appointment, so screening for more than like 15 minutes is pretty redundant. Many trans people see it as offensive to suggest that we are going through a phase because of the pain we've had to go through and also only about 1% detransition and the majority that do detransition do so because they don't feel supported or safe and not because they realized it wasn't for them. Also the puberty that is forced on us also causes permanent changes and that is traumatizing for a lot of people.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

puberty that is forced on us

That's my main concern. I can't imagine it's anything but sheer hell watching your body morph into a sex that isn't your own. Hell, I was scared when I was 13 and seeing my feet grow larger and flatten out. Other stuff started growing larger, early for me, so that balanced out.

I joke, but it's true. I clearly remember looking in the mirror at grandma's house once summer and being horrified at my feet, like I was turning into some sort of monster. Also, had my one and only wet dream that summer. Times, they were a changin'.

(And I don't know who's actually trans around here, but I'd like to hear from just them.)

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.de 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Thats the strange thing, during my male puberty I really didn't thought of it much. Sure I was a bit let down when I saw my member not getting anywhere and that my once so high pitched voice got dark as hell...

But now I'm facing my second puberty (with HRT and such) and I'm actually looking forward to it :D

[–] LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 year ago

There is a balance when we're talking about minors, and they should have have mental health professionals following up with them to establish the necessity of medical interventions for them. But again that's minors, where medical consent is a concern. Above the age of 16 informed consent can and should be the standard. A 30 minute appointment with a doctor covering how you feel, what the medication will do, what potential side effects there are, follow up appointments to monitor your blood hormone levels and so on.

You couldn't walk into an informed consent clinic and be like "eh. Idk. Maybe hormones could be fun to try.". Like they would just refuse to give them to you. You are expected to figure out what you want, and in the appointment you have they will go over your reasons for starting HRT and what your expectations are. The doctor will try and correct your expectations a bit and note down what made you want to start HRT. They go over your blood levels quickly to make sure that HRT won't interfere with your health in any way.

Making a grown woman, who knows she wants HRT, prove that she wants it to a medical system is degrading and torturous. To be made to wait years to prove to someone else that you want something that you know you want when you're a grown adult who understands the risks and consequences. It's awful, and is not what is considered best practice by WPATH.

[–] the_best_nerd@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In reference to what you said about wait times, generally wanting to dress a certain way or play pretend as a certain character isn't all that goes into feeling trans. Usually, it is on some level knowing that you would be happier as a certain gender or with that gender's features. It's like other forms of body modification, like ear piercings. People don't get their ears pierced because they want to wear dresses, they get their ears pierced because they want ear piercings - though the two are often seen together. Similarly, someone won't just get go on testosterone or estradiol because they want to wear suits or dresses - they will go on the hormone of their choice because they feel like they would be happier with that hormone.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's why I said I understood about a person knowing themself better than another party. I at least get that much!

But please don't think I'm conflating wanting to dress a certain way and feeling you're really a man/woman trapped in the wrong body.

Back to the wait times though, isn't it far better to start early before sexual characteristics set in?

[–] the_best_nerd@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 year ago

Oh absolutely - it's specifically most effective to start hormone replacement therapy when one would be going through puberty anyways, and most would agree that the less time spent with the wrong hormones, the better.

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.de 2 points 1 year ago

Back to the wait times though, isn’t it far better to start early before sexual characteristics set in?

It certainly would help the trans person to not endure a puberty that goes in the wrong way. But on the other hand, society really doesn't like that children get bodily autonomy (Heck even Woman are denied this basic right in most parts of this world) because those children are impressionable and easily manipulated, misguided...

by what thought? That conformity at all cost is the way forward?

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.de 2 points 1 year ago

I'm 36 years old. So waiting never has been an issue to me, even though I become a bit restless at the though of waiting and not progressing in any direction.

But no the screening isnt just about checking if you are just going through a phase, I believe. Its also about making an "informed decision", whatever that means really. Im not going through a phase and used the last month extensively to gather info, researching and testing out what works for me. But that would be something akin to self diagnostic, and Healthcare Providers (public) really don't like that... so you need to have an expert opinion on the matter.

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Not really comparable, but I’m as hetero/cis as it gets, and I played Wonder Woman on the playground for years, always had a feminine side regarding dress, etc. Hell, I’m 52 and have finally figured out to buy women’s clothing as it fits me better.

Curious how much pressure you felt to take HRT.

[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Wow that sucks that you have to wait so long. Here in the US I only had to wait a little over a month and then I got gender dysphoria put on my medical record at the first appointment however it cost almost $800 but insurance brought it down to around $400. I still have to wait 8 more months and then see two therapists and prove my transness to them before I can get surgeries that will cost tens of thousands. I don't know if I'd rather have to wait several years but not have to pay as much or have to forgo being able to afford to buy a house lol. At least we got this community to support each other. Feel free to voice your concerns here too!

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.de 2 points 1 year ago

Yeah true... its great that the public Healthcare providers have to pay for the proceedings, but it sucks that it takes a while to get a therapist and then it takes several strenuous sessions where I have to mind strip... either way it sucks.

At least we got this community to support each other. Feel free to voice your concerns here too!

yeah I have never been happier to have found such lovely community like the blahaj zone, even though I'm from a different instance entirely XD