Asklemmy

Depends on how strongly you value your relationship with your brother. He may be a fuckwaffle, but he is your fuckwaffle. It's big of you setting your differences aside. If you don't go, and he means a lot to you outside of his political views, then you might regret not going. If you don't really care for him and political ideology is more important then dont go. I think not going is kind of crossing the Rubicon, but I don't know the situation part from your details

I cut my sister out of my life and didn’t go to her wedding for similar reasons. I don’t regret it one bit and it has helped my mental health tremendously. However, I didn’t do it to “teach her a lesson,” or “prove anything,” I did it so I could live with myself, and stay true to my values. We all only have limited time and energy on this planet, so think about the way you spend them and what’s most important to you. For me, my biological family is toxic. My chosen family is awesome.

If your brother defending a nazi salute at a nazi inauguration isn't reason enough for you to sit out his wedding, what on earth would be?

"If 10 people sit on a table with a Nazi, there are 11 Nazis on that table".

You are not the asshole.

People cut out family members for much less. I feel we are at a crucial turning point, and all we have left is letting the people we have a connection to know, that these stances are radical and not normal and that having them will have consequences. In your case not having a sibling at their wedding.

Nah, don't go if you don't want to. Family are just randomly assinged people you share the same genes with. If you don't like them you don't have to force yourself to like them in order to appease random strangers online.

If he truly is your family and loves you, like all the "nonono he family you cant do this to FAMILY" posters are saying, he will understand and not hate you. If he does, fuck him.

Do you care if others see you as an asshole? Remove morality and other social obligations from it, if you don't like someone, you don't like someone. If spending time with this person upsets you, don't. Hell, even if you force yourself to go there's a chance he'll get under your skin and you'll end up causing a problem.

99.9% of these posts boil down to "should I do what I want with my own life?"

Yes, you should do what you want with your own life.

Perhaps I should clarify things even further:

They are actually already married and I was at their first wedding. It was done at the courthouse during the pandemic so they could initiate her greencard application. This upcoming wedding is more of a celebration for the families.

I have two other brothers who are not going for unrelated reasons.

Not that these facts necessarily change anything, I felt they’re worth bearing in mind.

Skipping a wedding is not a good way to make a point. And it's one you can't undo.

My advice is to tell him you two need to have a difficult conversation later. But do so after the wedding. However much you disagree, you can always agree to just think the other is hella stupid and leave it at that.

You're not the asshole. Your brother is the asshole for being a right winger.

Cheeto Hitler's new term is gonna prompt a lot of people to perform a much needed purge of chuds in their social circle.

Didn't read the post body. NTA.

you'll never be an asshole for not dealing with nazi apologists homie

"My brother calls me a moron and punches me in the dick every day and I don't want to let him anymore, am I the asshole?"

I think you need to look at this differently. Look at it in the light of the event itself.

Will you enjoy going to the wedding? Will you enjoy your free time wherever this is before/after the wedding? Can you see yourself regretting not going? Will there be other like minded people to mingle with?

If the answer to those questions are no, then don't go. But if the answers are yes, just go and enjoy yourself.

Your making this more complicated than it needs to be... you're not the one marrying your brother.

Not going to a wedding after saying you would is effectively for this is effectively cutting him out of your life. If you are willing to cut him out of your life, don't go to the wedding. It just sounds like a rash decision.

For what it's worth: something I haven't seen come up (so while this is a pragmatic perspective, don't pretend I'm dismissing the importance of your relationship and your values! I'm only adding this for variety and discussion)

People can change. Many won't, but some do. [vid: former white supremacists describing their process of leaving] Whether you think your brother is willing or able to change is your call, and whether it's worth the emotional and mental strain is your call. You aren't obliged, but it's worth considering.

People who have left these ideologies, from what I've heard, often come back to two main points - they had someone in their life who cared about them, but was also unwilling to tolerate their bullshit, and they had to want to leave it by themselves. Honestly, I see parallels with people recovering from serious drug addictions and cults like QAnon.

But, again, this isn't easy and there's no guarantee of them changing, so do not feel obliged to even try. Your health is more important, and there are plenty of other ways you can help change the world.

LOL. Elon is self made? Where did he get that from?

Did he conveniently forget mommy and daddy are rich from their emerald mine?

Self made means you don’t come from wealth and don’t have a support system to make you even more rich.

Your brother is a moron.

NTA. A fascist is no longer family. You don't even need the context for this, the red line is so brightly painted there that you'd have to be dead not to notice it.

Show him you're the bigger person, support him on this happy day, then be on with it. Not going to his wedding would not only make you the enemy. It'd also create hostility and he may be left thinking that your political beliefs drove you away and made you abandon your family. Don't let some billionaire be the wedge in your relationship with your family.

You aren't the asshole. A Nazi apologist is still a Nazi. The apologists are the ones who open the gates so the Nazis can get in.

I wouldn't go to a Nazi wedding either.

Do you want the option to see your brother again? Mend bridges at some future point?

There are some things you can't take back. I have a grandmother in law that skipped my wife and I's wedding and we have not spoken to her since.

I don't want right wing apologia in my life. I do not enjoy biting my tongue to avoid arguments. I understand why you wouldn't either. But skipping a wedding is serious and maybe permanent damage to your relationship. If it will free you and leave you better off, don't go. If you will regret it, probably go and do the best you can.

I think a lot of people would cut contact with their family at times like this due to the ways in which these kinds of beliefs often intersect with massive amounts of interpersonal abuse and broadly dysfunctional and unhappy relationships. I think this is most especially true of people who are queer, neurodivergent, disabled, or a member of some other minority, who are easily going to be subject by that abuse from their family more and more, especially as they may be more dependent on them and as they're more noticeably going to see that abuse well up as a result of those narratives. You know, people who get to see the "ugly sides" of their family.

I would say that if you're not actively dependent on your family, and you're not part of an actively hated minority which they will more easily discard, disrespect, and abuse, then that makes it easier to cut them out of your life, but that's also definitely a time at which you will counterintuitively be in the best position to sway them, since you're at your most secure.

So I would say that this is, in some part, a decision which you should probably make in reflection of your current material circumstances, the current state of your life. This also isn't a decision which you need to make right now, really, to cut him out of your life or decide to blow this particular one up. You said he's already married, and that your other two brothers aren't going, so one more probably won't hurt things that much even if you invent an excuse.

I'm like 90% sure if I showed my dad the picture of elon musk hitting the five knuckle shuffle live on stage in 4k 60fps three times in a row, he'd probably flee to the "my heart goes out to you" comment, right before trying to find some sort of talking point he could throw down the hopper in order to justify this shit, which is really to say nothing of the fact that he basically just fundamentally agrees with elon's actions on basically every level if he was to actually sit down and think about it for long enough. There's some people which cannot be helped, because they will repeatedly choose not to be. There isn't exactly a correct answer, here, I think the major thing is that if it goes sideways because of your decisions, you shouldn't beat yourself up or crash out over it, or become overly callous.

No, it sounds like your brother is actually the asshole.

To me this seems like a no-brainer. Don't go.

Why would you go to an assholes wedding? I'm currently planning a wedding and if I invited someone that didn't like me, I'd honestly rather they not come.

So. I'm not sure why you think you'd be considered an asshole. You're two different people that aren't friends and don't see eye to eye. Why would you go to his wedding?

life is too short to voluntarily deal with fascists, blood relative or not. no reason to go. nta

Supporting Nazis is a perfectly fine reason to cut someone out of your life for good. In fact, you'd be an asshole if you did go.

Honestly, and I already know I'm massively against the consensus here, but you should be the bigger man.

Tell your brother that you disagree with him but that he's family, you'll always love him and that you're honoured to be a guest at his wedding.

If you want to draw a line and say "let's not talk about politics though" or something like that, then absolutely do.

Don't have all your family and his friends talk about how you're refusing to attend because you had a fall out over politics, you're not going to appear principled, you're going to appear petty. You've made your point to your brother, now move on.

Presumably you will never have the chance to be at his wedding. Swallow your pride, bite your tongue, and be there for him. If he brings it up, ask him not to ruin the family moment. If being the infinite force trying to push the immovable object is that important to you, pick it up again at Thanksgiving.

I think you're well aware that small political differences shouldn't get in the way of family and have worked to be tolerant in the past.

You're not an asshole. You're an adult. You shouldn't do this lightly but if you've given this serious consideration you should follow your heart.

I have recently nuked relationships over different values. It hurt but I know in my heart it was the right thing to do. I dont want to be the type of person that has a person like that in my life and covers for them.

Consider if this person is worth sacrificing your personal values and morals for.

As much as political differences matter, you will not change his mind by not going - but your relationships will get much, much more bitter, and it will be hard to rectify. Many people went through this mistake, and it costed them a lot.

Honor his wedding while keeping to your values. This event has nothing to do with them.

Your last paragraph contains the clue. What message do you genuinely believe your brother will understand from you refusing to attend his wedding? Will it do any good? Does it seem likely to change anyone's behavior?

If yes, then don't go. If no, then put that thought aside and reconsider whether you actually want to go, then decide based on that.