this post was submitted on 29 Nov 2024
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Are you lonly? If so, what are you doing about it? (www.youtube.com)
submitted 5 days ago by jeena@piefed.jeena.net to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
21 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Basically what the title says, two questions:

  1. Do you feel lonely or socially isolated?
  2. If you are, what are you trying to change that?

According to the WHO it's an epidemic,

I've been emigrating to different countries about every 15 years and had to rebuild a network of friends from scratch every time. The younger I was the easier it was obviously. But that is a lot of work and you need to invest time and energy which I sometimes don't have so much, especially now with a small child which needs a lot of attention.

We meet up as a family with other families about once a month and it's really great, but while my wife keeps in contact with the other mothers in between online, somehow we dads don't even have a group chat where we would do that and perhaps propose to meet up, it's always the women who propose it.

It's kind of weird that its like that and I should change it.

While the WHO doesn't call it outright an epidemic, it seems they think it's such a big problem that they created a specific commission to foster social connection: https://www.who.int/news/item/15-11-2023-who-launches-commission-to-foster-social-connection

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[–] 1984@lemmy.today 21 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Actually yes, I've been feeling like that. I heard about https://timeleft.com/ (dinner with strangers) and thought it was such a cool concept. You sign up on the site, answer lots of questions about your personality, and then they have an algorithm that matches you with other people for a dinner somewhere where you live.

I went to one of those and ended up with 5 people, and still are in touch with 4 of them. Playing pool with them in a week. :)

There are many, many people feeling like we do. Just go meet them! I bet you will like it, and if not, it's just a dinner. Nobody knows your full name so you can easily disappear and never meet those people again if needed.

[–] blindbunny@lemmy.ml 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

This sounds really cool!

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 3 points 4 days ago

Yeah it's an awesome idea. Why didn't I think of making a site like that. There is a huge market for adults who wants new friends.

[–] IDKWhatUsernametoPutHereLolol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

I felt too lonely so I day I woke up and decided to get a cat. I researched like 3 weeks before my parents finally let me.

My cat didn't really like me πŸ˜“

I mean she tolerates me, sometimes rub against me, and lets me pet her belly, but like, I think thats just being friendly to everyone, she didn't really like me. Like she just ignores me all the time. Eh whatever, at least she's cute and lets me pet her.

Didn't really solve loneliness.

[–] colourlessidea@sopuli.xyz 13 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I don’t have a cat but the internet has me believe that this is normal cat behavior - isn’t that true?

[–] mke_geek@lemm.ee 7 points 4 days ago

It depends on how much time you put in with the cat and the cat's personality.

The more time you spend with the cat, especially as a kitten, the more it will bond to you.

[–] ripcord@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

Some cats suck, some don't. Some is how you treat them.

Every cat ive ever had has been pretty affectionate. Boys also tend to be better than girls that way, and girls tend to attach to one person.

[–] lattrommi@lemmy.ml 4 points 4 days ago

RE: cat, Looking directly at a cat or engaging with one directly can be interpreted as an act of aggression. Note that cats do not have the ability to discern species. To the cat, you are one of these things: food; enemy; a bigger cat with less hair. If you ignore the cat, it will assume you are not a threat. It may warm up to you faster this way. Some cats are just jerks too.

[–] Moonguide@lemmy.ml 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

T.L;D.R: I used to guilt trip myself into fitting in so I wouldn't be left out, now I enjoy staying in my little corner, because I went to the shrink.

So, keep in mind I've got ADHD, GAD, and SzPD; though I suspect that might've been a misdiagnosis due to the psychologist's explanation of autism, and that instead I might have AuDHD. But I digress. I've found that with the years I've grown content with being alone, because I've come to understand that being alone isn't necessarily being lonely.

I had written a couple paragraphs, but I'll make it short. I discovered I spent far too much time and effort trying to fit in with folks I didn't even like because I didn't want to feel left out, or worse, different. Cue the pandemic, where I didn't need to mask anymore during lockdown, a year of therapy, and I've come to appreciate solitude as much as I do the precious few times I get to see my friends, since half live abroad. The thing I had a problem with was myself, not other people or the lack thereof.

I get to spend hours homebrewing stuff for my friends and I's table, painting stuff I'll never be motivated enough to finish, going down rabbit holes while reading something new, and going from old country to post-hardcore punk. It's the closest thing to heaven there is, imo.

[–] jeena@piefed.jeena.net 3 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I've come to understand that being alone isn't necessarily being lonely

I hope more people can realize that.

[–] PhireFloofski@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago

I don't have many social interactions apart from people at work and maybe some online friends but it's rare. Honestly I don't know what to do about it. Last year I went to a concert for the first time ever and decided to do that at least once a year. I'm going to see Iron Maiden next year, I may not have any close friends but at least I'd have some fun experiences to remember I guess...

[–] Alice@beehaw.org 6 points 4 days ago

I'm extremely lonely but there's nothing really to be done. I keep thinking I'm friends with people and then they pull away suddenly. Two of them even started acting like they didn't remember making plans with me even though the plans were their ideas.

Most people my age turn out to be homophobic and transphobic too, and only like me because they thought I was one of the "cool ones" (read: self-loathing). Or because they mistook me for a straight woman and think they can score.

I don't really understand people who can form genuine connections. My self esteem is in the toilet and even I won't put up with that stuff.

[–] thatsTheCatch@lemmy.nz 9 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

I was feeling disconnected from my friends for quite a while. I find I have a hard time keeping up with people, and that usually ends up meaning I am no one's best friend.

I've done two things:

  1. Organised a (mostly) weekly poker night (not for money but for snacks). Any board game would work. It gets us in the same room and we have a grand old time. This is the highlight of my week. It really helped to have something to look forward to each week when I was feeling depressed and meaningless.
  2. Started sending my two closest friends one (1) meme per day tailored to them specifically. It's rare for me to message anyone, but this keeps me in contact, even if it's basically like a poke on Facebook. It keeps me fresh in their heads. It usually ends up sparking a convo about this or that. It's led to me being invited to a couple of fun events, which feels really nice, because for a while there I was barely invited to anything.

These two things, while simple, have greatly increased my mood and has gotten me much closer with my friends than I was before, as I had drifted apart from them.

[–] jeena@piefed.jeena.net 3 points 5 days ago

Ah back in the day I also joined a group of friends doing board games like once a month and became a regular in that group. That's really cool and like you say really something to look forward too.

[–] randomperson@lemmy.today 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Why have you been emigrating to different countries every 15 years?

[–] jeena@piefed.jeena.net 8 points 5 days ago

Just coincidence, mostly because I followed love and first time because I am a late repatriate.

[–] blindbunny@lemmy.ml 2 points 4 days ago

Do mutual aid! ❀️

[–] Cris_Color@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Yeah, I am. Unfortunately both in terms of regular social contact and in terms of romance.

Social contact because I'm not awake during the day, which makes it really hard to get together with people, or get out of the house (or see the sun). And romantically just cause I'm not healthy enough for it and so not pursuing a relationship, even though I miss it.

I go to a regular social event once a week on Mondays and try to keep up with my friends. I'm still trying to figure out what I might want to change. Going to more social stuff, even though I find it a bit overwhelming? Getting a job would certainly help. Once I have a job, maybe I could get a dog? It'd be nice to get to interact with another living creature in my physical vacinity at least once a day.

I've kinda thought about trying to do small group get-togethers with my friends. I used to really enjoy doing a regular movie night. Or perhaps try to do something for my birthday. I've even thought about trying to start a group of some kind for folks awake at night since it can make socializing and getting out pretty hard

[–] jeena@piefed.jeena.net 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Ah so you're not doing night shift at work or something so you're asleep during the day. What's the reason you're not awake during the day? Wouldn't that be a good first step to synchronize the time you're awake with others?

A couple of years ago I worked from home during summer leave from university and slowly shifted to night work and day sleep. That had the same effect as for you, totally out of sync with everyone so I couldn't meet with anyone, couldn't call anyone, etc. I was so happy that summer leave was over and I was forced to sync up with the rest of the country and meet everyone again.

Oh, back in Sweden I also had regular movie nights with two or three friends. What was cool and made it less awkward was that we restricted it to only old classic movies from before 2000. That way we could say we're very sophisticated movie enthusiasts and we also learned a lot about classic movies which none of us would usually watch ourselves at home. That was great fun.

[–] Cris_Color@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

I have a severe circadian rhythm disorder (combined with a handful of complicating mental health conditions) and unfortunately can't be awake during the day πŸ˜…

if I manage to move my schedule it just drifts back to being extremely late, and when I've had jobs I've progressively found it harder and harder to be awake when work starts, or when I was in highschool, struggled more and more to get up for school until I was just missing school a lot of the time (though that was also in part because I was going through the first real mental health episode I've experienced and didn't know what to do about it or how to cope)

The not working is mostly due to social anxiety and mental health hurdles with applying and interviewing, but I do think that's changing. I've been kinda stuck for a while though.

A friend group of mine who all rented a house together used to do movie nights and I really enjoyed it :) we all took turns picking stuff and I haven't seen almost any movies so I had a great time. Unfortunately they don't live together anymore and some moved away. That friend group is a lot more split up a now, so I was thinking about stating a new one :)

Edit: lmao, who downvoted me for explaining my medical condition, what a dick

[–] 30p87@feddit.org 2 points 4 days ago

Yes. And BlΓ₯hajar.