I guess Aussies aren't familiar with "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime; that's why I poop on company time"
this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024
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I lived this daily until I got a bidet, not worth it now
The boss makes a dollar,
I make a dime,
That's why I poo on company time
Stolen from reddit:
The boss makes a dollar, I make a dime That was a poem From a simpler time
Now his boss makes 1000 While I make a cent And he's got employees That can't make the rent
When the CEO makes a million And we don't make jack That's when we riot To take it all back
Now Mr investor If this seems extreme I have to remind you It beats guillotines
Tomorrow's news: Amazon sues the Australian Health Department
Nah, they'll just make life more difficult for any employees who take bathroom breaks, if not find some "clearly unrelated" excuse to outright fire them.
You should take a 20 minute shit every day on company time
20 minute shit every *hour
What about second shit?
Don't think he knows about second shit, Pip.
What about elevenses? Shiteon? Afternoon shit? Shitter? He knows about them, doesn't he?
I wouldn't count on it.
fistbump - Another member of the Ulcerative Colitis club.
Back in the 2000s I used to have an app on my PC where I could enter my salary or hourly wage, hit a button when I went for a poop, hit it again when I got back and it would tell me how much I'd earned on the can.
Wonder if there's anything like that for phones these days?
If you want to set up a spreadsheet, the formulas are pretty simple:
Salary / 52 = weekly pay (approx, there's a few extra days in the year but my bi-weekly pay is salary / 26, which actually works out to a slightly higher pay than if they did it by extact days)
Weekly pay / 40 = hourly equivalent (or 37.5 if you want to assume unpaid lunches, which effectively increases your hourly rate)
Hourly equivalent / 60 = minute equivalent
Time in minutes pooping * hourly equivalent = money earned pooping
For hourly pay, just drop that in to the hourly equivalent variable above.
Nice! I'm learning Python right now so I'm going to take this and make a script out of it.
Yeah, that script should only take a few days, most of which spent on creating an ascii pooping animation while it's waiting for you to return.
Yeah, minus the animation it took me a couple hours. Well worth the time spent!
The only things I don't like about pooping at work is when there's no private restrooms or when they don't have some sort of white noise in the bathrooms (in the case of public restrooms). Inevitably, there's people who don't care about shitting in the stall next to mine, which I absolutely hate, I don't want to hear you shit. I only want to shit when nobody else is around or when the sound of a fan or something blocks out the noise. It's like some sort of instinctual feeling. Otherwise, pooping at work is great.
when they don't have some sort of white noise in the bathrooms
Would it help if I sat next to you going "shhhhhhhhhh" as we poop together?
I can sing the Blazing Saddles theme song pretty decent. Final offer.
What about the theme to rawhide?
Am I the only one who finds this kind of wild? You're in the shit room, you shouldn't expect others to be ashamed of their bowel movements there. Get earplugs, I guess?
The worst is when people talk on their cell phones in the public restroom. No one wants to hear that on either end of the phone.
Would playing white noise on your phone help?
Homie, I dont take a shit unless its on some tycoon's clock.
TP is free at work
Extra-thin one or like a sandpaper.
Fold it twice, still free
Within reason.
You could try your luck and see how much you can get away with before someone notices, but I wouldn't recommend it.
Always shit on company time.
If I need a shit in the morning, I try to wait until I start work. May as well be paid for it.
Yeah, but the assholes I have to work with poo there. I can't deal with that.
Thankfully, I can usually get it all out right after I get up.
Our restroom light has a 15 minute timer. Sucks when you have IBS and no one comes in during that time.
I poo almost daily at work. It's almost impossible to hold it in for 8:30 continuous hours.
If someone tells me off for it, they will find out how much my productivity drops when I have to focus on holding the shit instead of doing my work.
Poo in work. Not only is it a nice break, but it also is more productive than not pooing. Win-win for everyone.