A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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Mumble in combination with XMPP is the most hassle free and low resource option. Just for small personal use snikket.org XMPP is probably the best.
Matrix Synapse also works, but if you join any large rooms it will blow up ram and storage space usage, thus I can't really recommend it.
For Matrix, I'd recommend conduit over synapse, with the expectation that all of synapse's features haven't yet been added (most notably support for spaces, which may or may not be a dealbreaker).
It's incredibly easy to set-up and very lightweight. I never self-hosted synapse due to how resource-heavy it is, and constantly had issues with dendrite racking up resources as well.conduit has honestly been the easiest thing I've self-hosted.
What front-end are you running with conduit? I just spent two hours trying to get element to talk to it but i've put it off due to so much failure with it.
I run ejabberd for myself and my family/friend and use conversations on android. Mattermost I would say is the most like discord. I run one of those as well and love it.
I think ejabberd or another other xmpp server would have been my first choice for a service like this by a long shot. If only we had some good iOS clients to go to. While I'm on android, most of the family and some of the friends use iOS, so it was kind of a non-starter from that alone.
Edit: log -> long