I've always contended that you shouldn't care about what turns someone on unless you wanna fuck em.
this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2024
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excluding liking kids or animals. and relatives or nonconsenting people if relevant
What goes on between two or more non related consenting adults is no ones business but their own.
I just genuinely don't care what people do in their bedroom.
What about the kitchen?
The kitchen is an abomination free zone.
You don't use Le Creuset? Swipe left!
All that is about consent. Except the relatives thing. Which is gross but not necessarily my business
Tbf, incest is quite often the result of grooming, which brings us back to the consent issue.
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“I don’t want to sleep with you.”
is often
“I don’t want you to exist.”
But not always. I'm absolutely behind the point you're making about some people, but if someone wants you dead, it's usually not subtle.
I've met people who use this logic to turn absolutely vicious towards people who have otherwise shown nothing but kindness.
Smoking is an instant nope for me, and for that I've had some girls react like I think smoking makes a person abhorrent and undeserving of love.
But smokers are abhorrent and nobody deserves love
Everyone deserves love. Nobody is entitled to love.
Smokers are victims of marketing.
Everybody needs love, if only from themselves.
Yeah, absolutely, very much so, but I don't want to kiss or sleep with smokers, and that's OK.
Sometimes it’s “I want to sleep with you, but I don’t want to want to sleep with you.”
Or "I want to sleep with you but I'd rather you die than have anyone find out."
Maybe in the heads of trans people but not really. I understand it's easy to think everyone hates you, but if you believe that, you are no longer open to seeing the alternative and you see what you expect everywhere.
You can exist just fine but for some reason, it doesn't seem enough to exist. Quite often trans people feel they have to showcase their sexuality, instead of just chilling and being cool with it like everyone else.
I made the a similar point in that if you look for hate, you can end up finding it even when it isn't there.
But this argument is weird:
Quite often trans people feel they have to showcase their sexuality, instead of just chilling and being cool with it like everyone else.
That type of "often" is an illusion, since you can't know how large the group of people that don't make themselves obvious is.
And plenty of straight cis people engage in the exact same behaviour, broadcasting their sexual identity. It's not something everyone wants to do, but it's absolutely something everyone gets to do.
That's true. I have no idea about the size of the group.
Bingo.
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Well there isn't an inherent connection between those two ideas. So I take it you're looking for reasons to be suspicious
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This post is massive chaser erasure.
We need more chaser erasure.
What is chaser erasure?
Chaser: someone who fetishizes trans or other non hetero-normative people and pursues them as sexual objects.
Erasure refers to the deliberate or unintentional removal, omission, or invalidation of LGBTQIA+(though it can apply to any marginalized group really) identities, histories, and contributions from cultural, social, and institutional recognition.
Op is joking this post is ‘chaser erasure’ because it does not depict someone exhibiting that behavior and instead shows someone claiming they do not want to sleep with trans people.
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I've heard of people who have complained about trans people showing up in their dating feed, mixed in with the cis population, being labelled as "transphobes" and harassed, but good to know that we've overcome that.
Isn't the idea of the dating feed that you can choose whom to date and whom to ignore?
The point of a feed is to literally show what you want. If someone wants to fake their age, gender, or wealth for a chance of sliding into someone else's DMs, just to get caught and retaliate by projecting it back on them as the bad person, then that person is a literal psychopath and I hope it doesn't escalate.
The point of a feed is to literally show what you want.
So the algorithm behind the feed is to blame when you get bad suggestions. Btw: showing only perfect matches makes people spend less time on the app and therefore they mix in bad suggestions deliberately. Blame the profit motive.
If someone wants to fake their age, gender, or wealth for a chance of sliding into someone else's DMs, just to get caught and retaliate by projecting it back on them as the bad person, then that person is a literal psychopath and I hope it doesn't escalate.
While this is true, I don't see the relevance.
Because when someone has not selected a category for their feed, but that category appears in it, it means those mismatches are appearing because of intentional deception, hoping it works. That's deviant behaviour. And when someone blows a whistle, they should not be the one punished for it.
How is that not relevant to the situation in that original comment? We just making exceptions now?
The original comment was about trans people in the feed, not about people lying about their age or gender or what ever.
No, it was primarily about non-cis in cis. This whole post isn't about trans people. Whether that be or whatever, it only occurs because of a) mistake or b) devious action. The point of that comment was raising how those that call it out are ridiculed instead.
As I said, this applies to anything; age, gender, backstory, images, etc. You specifically focusing on trans people makes no difference in whether it is less wrong. That is just the theme of the same behaviour, pick whatever theme you want, that is not the point and it shouldn't be glossed over, "Oh, it's fine for this group but not others."
I still don't get it. Are there dating apps exclusively for cis people? Do non-cis people write into their bio that they are cis? Is this a thing that people explicitly say they are cis while they are not?
Or is the problem that cis normative people assume, the other is cis for no reason other than it's the supposed default?
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Partly. A feed is typically a set of rules showing you only your interests and filtering out everything else, and within this subset you then go about choosing.
Ideally we would not only have "women\men\bi" categories, but also "orthodox (cis only)\regular(mixed)\frisky(trans only)" categories. Otherwise, we might run into the problems which Saltesc describes, now that being trans is becoming more commonplace.
There needs to be space for everybody (or "everybody whom I don't mind" depending on who you ask, sad lol), but while choices always have some consequences, we need to be careful that our freedom of choice doesn't become another's choice of freedom. I think trans people are (sadly) very well acquainted with this.
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Whether someone's life and identity is fully involved with society's labels and categories or not; when participating in society, they gotta play by its rules for the sake of everyone that isn't them. Though, of course, they'll still be subject to condemnation by those that prey on the opportunity to deliver it.
In reality, those people are as "phobic" as anyone clicking the BBD category and getting hentai vids popping up instead. It's not what they're into and it's not what they came there for. Breaking those categories and labels is intentional deception that will result in no reward and only harm. It is in no consideration of others and who they are, for sake of potential and unlikely self-gain. It is entirely self-centered to fake something and lie, in hopes of taking advantage of other people.
Those are being transphobic, yes
But eh, one act does not define a person
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I like women, I sleep with cis women. I do not want to sleep with trans women. By my personal assessment I'm somewhat transphobic and need to work on that.
Checkmate, lemmy.
Maybe you are, but do you feel oppressed?
We've all got biases, invisible or no that we're working on, like you said. Better to know them though
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Everybody has their preferences and we often make fun of it.
- She wants a wealthy partner, she's a golddigger
- he wants a gf with big tits - mommy issues
- he doesn't want a gf with a penis, he's a big piece of transphobic shit
See, it's just the way we communicate
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I'm a woman so I was never in a situation like this. I have more than few trans friends, including my neaphew god-father (that used to be his god-mother) and the problem with this meme is that the 👍is never the answer the comunity gives. They are indeed always very angry and are usually the first ones to say "transphobic". As I told my friend I think that we should use the word Transphobic with more care since there are a lot of really hateful people in the world that do indeed want to hurt you guys,.
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This meme is fucking stupid. So many people trans people complain saying that if people don't want to sleep with them, they're transphobics. No, I simply don't like dealing with other dicks or have-been dicks.
While true, there's also a lot of people who say things along the lines of "gay/trans people are ok just don't try to have sex with me" which is more of the target of the meme
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NGL im super into tomboys and genderfluid people. But the idea of having sex with someone who has a penis is off-putting to me. Idk
Lucky for you, some trans people who are AMAB get surgery to change that penis into a vagina or something else. There are also plenty of gender fluid or nonbinary trans people who are AFAB and don't have or want a penis.
However, maybe get to know someone first and decide if you are attracted to them as a person before reducing them to their genitals. There are a lot of ways to have sex with trans people, and if you're into them, they're into you and they happen to have a penis, I'm sure you two can figure something out.
No thanks.
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