this post was submitted on 13 Sep 2023
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I just don’t get it. Having a relationship with one person is hard work (anyone that says otherwise is either very lucky or their partner is making all the effort). Why on earth would you want to make your life even more difficult?
For some of us at some times in our lives, having a relationship with two people is less work. It requires much more communication, better scheduling, and much more attention to your partners' feelings ... but that might be a good investment of time anyhow, and often gets overlooked.
I find that having multiple partners helps me appreciate each partner much more, for themselves -- it's easy to mix up how much you love just having a partner and being loved, with how you actually feel about that person. Poly gives you the distance and contrast to see your partners clearly, and that can be really special.
I’ve never been polyamorous but I have been a player before and a period during which I had lots and lots of casual sex with lots of different women actually gave me a better appreciation of women as individuals.
There’s something about not having one person be your everything that allows them to be a real person instead of a symbol.
Yeah that's indeed something. I had a sex partner on top of my romantic partner for a few years, and that worked okay - since you only meet for shagging - but wow would two romantic partners be too much for me. Still, I was perfectly fine with my romantic partner also having another partner in addition to me. They could handle it fine!
Tbh, my wife and I have been together for so long and through so much that is has become easy. We've been together more than fifteen years, and both of us consider our childhoods of abuse to be the hardest periods of our lives. We know and trust each other deeply and implicitly. She's had an increasingly serious second partner for more than five years now, and it's become pretty easy. I'm casually looking for a boyfriend, and she's excited for me. It's the foundational strength of our relationship that makes this lifestyle possible. We've built a big, full life together, and we have enough love and space in our lives to share <3
"Or their partner is making all the effort"
OR their partners aren't super needy and insecure ;)