this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2023
229 points (91.9% liked)
Asklemmy
43945 readers
638 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I agree with this. I have found that most women do not however. It has been a great trouble for me, to talk about, when trying to find a new partner.
This is pretty surprising to me. In my experience (as a woman myself) women are much more likely than men to be vocally supportive of treating sex work like any other service and of breaking the taboo of offering or receiving those services.
I actually can’t think of any woman in my life who would judge someone negatively for seeing a sex worker (assuming full consent from all involved parties including partners). Most men I know would similarly have no issue with it, but a handful would read it as not being able to get laid and see that as something negative.
My social circle isn’t representative of the general population, but I’m still surprised to hear your experience is dramatically different. I wonder if the way the conversations are going make the issue more about consent, cheating, or other non-sex-work-specific ethical questions.
I have sometimes seen a phenomenon where people are very supportive of things until they are affected directly, and then they are supportive of those things in other people’s lives.
Ok but also, I’ve dated sex workers and that’s why I’m a bit yeeshy around people who hire them until I know they’re cool. I’ve heard stories.
Like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with hiring a sex worker. There are plenty of good reasons to do so. There are things where it’s better to hire a sex worker than to ask for from a hookup. And despite all of that, it’s not a trait that leaves one in the best company. Honestly, the best comparison I can think of is being a lawyer.
People supporting sex work being legal and the non-acceptance of people using sex workers in illegal/non consensual situations are congruous positions.
I think more women would be understanding to men paying for sex than men would be to women paying for it.
You should definitely bring this up as often as possible. Enjoying coerced intimacy is totally well adjusted behavior.
Why do you hate sex workers?
real big-brain take
Since it's safe to assume you don't talk to people in real life, here's a mass of "reviews" of sex workers. People who buy sex are disgusting.
Says the person with "McCainRBGcreampie" as a username.
I don't get it
Big shocker there...
Why are you talking about this with potential partners lmao?
mmmm gonna go out on a limb and say it's most likely for the same reason he started this thread
Do you make use of the sex workers while in the relationship with the new partner?
Absolutely not
Then why speak of it?
I don’t talk about previous sexual partners with new ones.
For the purpose of disclosure. I just cant live with myself if I do not tell prospective partners when they ask. I know there is a difference between avoidance and lying, however, I value honesty. Not implying that you are not or should thinknas I do
Last year I shit myself while trying to open my door and get to the bathroom.
I dropped my keys while I was trying to unlock the door and ended up with shit in my shoes that I had to throw away.
I never bring that up on dates.
This story made my panties wet.
Hopefully it’s not shit.
That's a surprising stance coming from SatansMaggotyCumFart
What an amecdote. Thank you for lightening my mind lol
That's a third date story
I get your point, but I think that's a bit of a false equivalence. You don't tell others of stuff like this likely because it's embarrassing, but what if someone isn't embarrassed of using sex services? Is it really the same thing then?
Why would I be embarrassed about that story?
I share it with my friends because it’s fucking hilarious.
You have an over-sharing problem.
I can't agree. I think people should have a friendship as strong as their romance.
Some things are not made to be shared. You are two different people. Leave a little mystery.
I’ve been with my partner for 27 years, so have a bit of experience to draw from.
Is it typical to give a whole run-down of your sexual history when dating? Like, I've mentioned previous encounters or exes when it comes up, but rarely near the beginning of the dating process. In my experience people tend to not have those discussions. Not because it's bad but because it doesn't matter. When I meet a new woman and start seeing them, I don't need to hear about or care about their past relationships unless it's something they feel they want to share for whatever reason.
It sounds like you don't think sex work is immoral, so I wouldn't bring it up unless it's something that would actually affect your current relationship. If sex is casual enough to commodify then it's not something that would be brought up when getting to know someone. Do you also give them a run-down of every meal you've ever bought at restaurants?
The fact that you need to "disclose" this makes it sound like you yourself see an issue with it
OP's out there on first dates asking if they have a problem with him doing it...
I can't imagine women are bringing it up
Not necessarily first dates. I just answer truthfully when the topic comes up. I don't want to have it be a problem further down the line
It's just really hard to believe a women asks if you've had sex with a sex worker...
Most people don't ask for numbers, let alone details.
It has unfortunately come up before, hence my aprehension in approaching the topic.
Seems like you got the intended consequence. If you want to be honest and your partner can't handle that honesty, maybe it is better to keep looking. I have a very hard time maintaining lies to continue relationships, and as a result I have very few, but incredibly high-quality friends.
I've been asked that question, and not just one time, so I believe OP that it can sometimes come up.
Maybe because I've never lived somewhere it's legal?
Like if there were brothels in the area, maybe it would be asked more?
Perhaps. It's a legal grey area here, not strictly legal but tolerated in certain areas (red light districts), but it's certainly not a socially acceptable thing.
I ask my partners because I do not want to be with someone who pays for sex. Simply because our views on sex would be very different which leads to problems in the relationship, from my experience. Also, it would be quite dumb to lie on this because than we are both just wasting our time.
I think the issue is the portrayal of the types of men who use such services in media. They’re usually not good people.
https://youtu.be/-2LUssy5lwA
What incredible acting, I felt like I was there
They don’t want to date a man who is regularly going to sex workers?
Yeah I'm not sure why or how this would be a topic of conversation when, yknow, dating women.
@Driftking@lemmy.ml What have you been telling these women?
Then they are not worth your time