this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2023
569 points (94.5% liked)

Asklemmy

43984 readers
770 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Most of the time when people say they have an unpopular opinion, it turns out it's actually pretty popular.

Do you have some that's really unpopular and most likely will get you downvoted?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The vast majority of cishet people (if not all) make their gender the defining aspect of their character

I already said it

Something I consider a mistake, nobody’s main defining characteristic should be their gender.

[–] masquenox@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But it already is, isn't it?

So if this...

nobody’s main defining characteristic should be their gender.

...is what you really want you need to start with cis people and not transgender ones, correct?

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 6 points 1 year ago (3 children)

But it already is, isn’t it?

Is it what?

…is what you really want you need to start with cis people and not transgender ones, correct?

Dunno about you, but nobody I deal with in RL ever implied something among the lines of "refer to me as ". There was only one case of an ex-boss of mine who always liked to "joke": "you can mistake my name, but never mistake my gender!", but he was the exception

[–] scubbo@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 year ago

nobody I deal with in RL ever implied something among the lines of "refer to me as ".

Most likely because they'd never experienced someone referring to them by the wrong gender. You can be pretty sure that if someone started doing so, they'd have something to say about it.

Which is what the other commenter was trying to communicate to you. Gender is already a key component of most cis people's personality - the way they think about themselves, the framework they use to make choices, and the way they want people to relate to them - but it's not noticed as such, because it's "normal", so no-one comments on it and they don't have to act to assert it.

[–] lingh0e@lemmy.film 6 points 1 year ago

I worked with a guy who complained about the company allowing employees to put their preferred pronouns in their email signatures. He said that while he was an "ally to the LGBTQ community", he thought pronouns were a way to create further division.

So I started using she/her while referring to the guy in emails.

He didn't like it. And he didn't understand the irony of demanding that I stop. He also didn't understand the irony when HR told him that the easiest way to fix his issue was to declare his preferred pronouns.

Long story short, I still get to refer to her as she/her.

[–] bermuda@beehaw.org 3 points 1 year ago

Ever met somebody with a preferred name? Maybe Mike instead of Michael?