these 2 sentences have me thinking:
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I cannot change what others think about me or do, I can only change how to react to it.
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It’s not my fault, but it is my problem to deal with.
we had a merger and my department met our new manager. He seemed empathetic and approachable, asking us to stay at our current positions and work together.
I've been considering a change for some time because I don't get along with some coworkers, even though most are fine, but these 3 suck the life out of me.
So I sent this new manager an application that was rejected the next day:
"mr. X doesn't want to consider your application."
He didn't even read it. He seemed so approachable and friendly... this line seems specifically written to make me feel bad, or maybe I'm very thin skinned?
An adult would accept it and move on, but I'm so thin skinned I keep ruminating about it. I want to change how I react to this and other setbacks in life, but I feel powerless.
"It’s not my fault, but it is my problem to deal with"
I'm on the spectrum. I can hold a job, pay rent and healthcare, max my 401k..., but some of my coworkers find me robotic and rude and feel offended if I want to concentrate on my duties instead of talking to them, simply because if I don't do my job I'll be fired.
Not all of my coworkers are like this, but some simply don't see that I do the same they do, except gossiping and bantering, which I find a waste of time.
They feel offended because I like to keep to myself.
It is not fair and I hate it, but it is, apparently, my problem to deal with.
Except that I don't know how to deal with it. And I don't want to deal with it, because it is unfair that what others think and talk about you makes your career more difficult.
I didn't expect this post to be this long.
So, to be clear this was an application to move to another part of the same company?
I don't know you, but being thin skinned isn't a trait I associate with any form of autism, so I wouldn't worry about that specifically. Misinterpreting things is a bigger possibility - it could just be that the new boss doesn't want big personnel changes right as he's getting his footing. (Would you?)
Speaking for myself, once I've understood the situation, gamed out every option and picked the one that's best, I find a kind of peace - even if that option is really, really demeaning and hard. I hope you can find something like that too.
A reminder that "dealing with it" doesn't just mean stoicism. Now, I don't have all the details here, and I only have your side of the story, but you can still set boundaries with neurotypical people. If you're successful, you almost by definition are going to have options. Do you want to quit? Maybe even pursue a different career path? Or, is continuing as normal the best option?
Stoicism in the Marcus Aurelius sense has some value here. There are things you can change and things that you can't. Recognize the difference. It might mean recognizing you get upset about the things you can't change, but as a framework it puts a lot into perspective