Like what do I even do at this point. Its a free app and these reviews hurt app store performance,
this post was submitted on 17 Jan 2025
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Can you report the review as not relevant?
I have reported it to Apple, let’s see.
I hope they delete it. Good luck!
Probably. I have no experience with the Google Play Store end of things, but we've gotten non-reviews written by crackpots removed from our Google Business profile by just pointing out to Google that they were either off topic or from someone who we could not identify in any of our records as being a person who actually did business with us.
For example, there was one guy who went around copy-pasting the same one star rant to seemingly every retail business in the city whining about mask requirements during COVID, which didn't have jack monkey squat do to with us and was in fact a state government mandate that we did not control. As a public business we have to comply with the law. Google took that one down when we reported it, although I still see examples of the same screed from the same guy attached to other businesses who apparently didn't have the wherewithal to complain.
I imagine "app that serves third party content the author doesn't control and reviewer is complaining about the content not the app" is a situation that is very well understood at Google. Whether or not you can make them give a shit is a different question...
I used to work at the pub in England and the landlord used to write the insane reviews on the chalkboard.
Sure they pulled down your ratings but if you're at 4.9 anyway it doesn't really matter and it's better to showcase the insane reviews than the actually legitimately negative ones.
The best one was the guy that tried to sue us because he was stung by a bee. Because apparently the bees work for us.