this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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Gaming

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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] Crinkly4516@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 year ago

So our discord regularly has friends and family in the age range from 17-59 currently who all game and socialise together. I don't think there is a limit.

[–] Crouching_Dragon@lemmy.one 2 points 1 year ago

I’m closer to 40 than 30, and I play video games basically every day. My spouse is super supportive. The only thing that’s changed is that I don’t play PC games unless it’s on my steam deck, because I already spend too much time at a desk working. But I have a PS5 that I finally bought a racing wheel for, and Ive been logging tons of hours on TOTK.

Basically, find someone who appreciates you and your hobbies. Being a gamer isn’t a bad one, despite what those of us that grew up adjacent to Gen X might think.

[–] Anomander@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't think there "must" be an age cutoff where people are supposed to stop playing - instead, there's an age cutoff for where people didn't grow up with or have access to computers or gaming.

I was born right on the cusp of video games moving from niche nerd shit and becoming relatively mainstream. I can see that there's a clear gap between friends who game and friends who don't that nearly directly ties to whether or not they played games as a kid. A lot of the time for my generation, that's a socioeconomic division more than anything else. Computers were expensive as a kid, so most of my friends who grew up poor found other interests in childhood and grew up to be adults who don't really play games. The kids I grew up around whose families were more well-off have continued gaming as adults. Maybe less, maybe different games; but in many ways it's like asking what age someone is supposed to outgrow "having hobbies".

The older someone is today the less likely it is they had access to games and gaming, and often the more intimidating they find learning about computers and gaming - and the more time they've had to find some other hobby that they find compelling.

There definitely is a thing in the dating market where some people can be particularly judgmental about gaming. Personally, I've found that is loudest and largest for some of the more ... "serial" daters I know, who have found themselves in relationships with lots of different people and have found that gaming, or identifying as a "gamer" tends to correlate with other bigger issues. There's also the side concern when something that's big in your life isn't something they can relate to - a little like the ultra-fan Sports Dudes where all of every game day will always be booked off for watching the games with the boys.

I think in regards to the dating market, it's less that anyone needs to "grow out of" gaming, and more that adults are more expected to have a mature relationship with their hobbies, gaming included. And given that there are negative connotations about degenerate adult gamers not really grown up, that may be something to keep in mind regarding how you present that hobby and how you talk about your relationship with it.

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[–] Hexarei@programming.dev 2 points 1 year ago

No age cut-off in my book. Play what you want at whatever age you want.

I will personally play video games until I am at an age where I am physically unable.

[–] Drewelite@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 year ago

From my parents, my wife, and her parents I definitely got a, "Oh you still play games, like you're a kid. That's cute." vibe. But they we're pretty accepting once they realized it wasn't some hold over phase from being a teenager and a legitimate hobby with a community that increases technical knowledge, too.

That being said I still feel like a kid in one respect. You know that meme, where you're playing an online game and your mom comes in and says "Pause it and come to dinner." I get similar comments from my wife. And she'll get annoyed sometimes. Like, "I needed you help on something but I guess your game is more important." But I just sunk 45 mins of effort into a match of CS:GO, my rank is on the line which I've spent a lot more time on, it's actually pretty rude to ask me to drop that because you want the trash out. Not to mention I'm tanking my teammates ranks. Like if my hobby was soccer, you wouldn't walk out onto the pitch during a game holding everyone up and expect me to have a conversation about repainting the bathroom. But because they can't see the game, they don't get it.

So in that respect it can be difficult as an adult. You do have more responsibilities and relationships you need to maintain. So you need to be clear about setting aside time for your hobby. Communicate well with those in your life about it and what you need from them.

[–] Ganbat@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

IMO, physical ability to do so should be the only cutoff. No one should have to stop doing something they love just because society deems them too old.

[–] HappyMeatbag@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

There’s no age cutoff for enjoying games, but there’s definitely one for bringing it up, especially on a date. If I had to guess, I’d say that cutoff is in your early twenties, at most.

The stereotype is that gamers are immature misogynists who never go outside, and live on Doritos and Mountain Dew. Some gamers live up to this stereotype, so it’s not completely unreasonable.

The best way to counter this perception is to let her get to know you before mentioning gaming. Once she knows you’re not gross, and DO have other interests, gaming is seen as a hobby (as it should be) and not a red flag.

[–] posedexposed@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago

Even if there was a cutoff age, it would be changing every year as millennials age up and the gaming industry does a better job at targeting older players.

[–] sojourn@geddit.social 2 points 1 year ago

When you get bored lol

[–] waffles@lemmy.one 2 points 1 year ago

Do what you want. I'll play until I'm dead.

[–] Ragnell@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

41 year old woman who games Playstation and PC. There is no age cutoff.

That said, it wasn't all that common to have a game system when I grew up. My grandmother had an Atari because of her Alzheimers and that's what made my family nerds but people from Gen X are a lot less likely to have gotten the habit young.

Maybe a younger woman will be more likelyto be into it. But you both don't have to like all the same things. Ask the women you date about their hobbies instead of talking about yours, maybe? There must be some common ground interests, or at least something on their side that could be considered a bit offbeat, geeky, or childish and you can bond over being on the receiving end of judgment. Maybe she's into Renfaire or Star Trek.

[–] Tashlan@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I don't think there's an age cut off, I just think you got into the hobby when it was niche and your peers didn't. I'm an NES-generation video game player and I don't really know anyone my age who doesn't at least have a gamer in their household. On the other end, I don't know a single person who has a cable subscription.

[–] exohuman@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Agreed. Same here.

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[–] Alstjbin@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm in my fourties. I've fought clanwars in MoHAA with my now wife. We've spent an embarrasing amount of time raiding in WoW and by now we've had servers running for Ark, Valheim and Vrising with our daughter. She's more into Roblox though..

[–] zedtronic@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Roblox over Valheim with the spouse? Sorry to hear about your divorce...

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[–] EmptyRadar@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Back in the ancient Greek era there were people worried that printed books were going to rot peoples' minds because they would just be absorbed in them 24/7.

Do what you wanna do, dude.

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[–] bermuda@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago

My dad's 50, about to be 51 and I've never seen anybody "shame" him for gaming. It's pretty much all he does when he's not working or doing chores around the house. He used to have a tight circle of gaming buddies but they're all spread around different time zones now so it's hard to get them together.

[–] dedale@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Around 26, it's biological adulthood.

[–] candid@board.minimally.online 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

While I do think there's probably more younger people across the spectrum playing games than older folk, I still think you can find the person you're looking for. It's definitely become more socially acceptable I think for younger generations it's just become a more normal thing integrated into social life. Oh we can't go out? I'm down for some Minecraft or Animal Crossing, etc. I've known lots of women over the years that were "cool" and "attractive" but were heavy into video games. Older folk in general skew towards thinking they are damaging or juvenile. We had recently pitched a club at my library district, but once it reached the older board people, they didn't understand why one would even pose the idea in such an "institution," totally missing why gaming can be an incredibly nourishing hobby for everyone in some form. But yeah, even at my job I tend to find most older women roll their eyes at the thought of video games (I work with mostly middle aged women 40-60 with a few younger aged folk sprinkled in there). Games as a hobby has become more progressive aiming for all sorts of people, Fortnite, Roblox, Minecraft, etc. have all broken down a lot of walls for younger generations. Obviously misogyny is gonna still exist thanks to how early gaming marketing skewed perspective of video games as well as shooters and their tone being heavily ostracizing to women. Games like Fortnite let you gun down Goku as Ariana Grande, and shit like that does go a long ways to reaching different people.

Also things like the Last of Us have done lots to away perception away from games being overtly masculine and edgy, to telling serious stories with mature/complex themes. The fact that show got a HBO series that reached many "non gamers" is huge. Whether or not you think it's good for the overall health of what games are is a different topic, but I think there is such massive spectrum now from mobile, to indie, to AAA, to community run live service games, etc. that nowadays there's an ocean of people who don't have a weird perception of gaming like the 90's and early 2000s and that will continue to change and get better as generations progress.

Sorry if this feels a bit off topic, wasn't super related to dating. As others have said, it's good to have hobby diversity, if your one and only deep interest is video games as a grown ass adult, women will be skeptical. Especially if they're seeking a partner for life. Being able to cook, clean, talk about different things, engage with different hobbies in general gives you more appeal to a wider pool of people. There's a reason why the typical "gamer" has a non date able perception, and that's because they wear as a badge for their entire identity. It's the nerd equivalent of being a truck dude who rocks Ford as the face of their identity.

[–] SidewaysHighways@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Close to 40 here and game is life.

If I meet someone new and they don't game I'm like "oh." and ask them politely, yet firmly to leave.

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[–] th_in_gs@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Early forties here. Also grew up with the Spectrum. In my admittedly slightly nerdy friend circle it's completely normal. People always talking about interesting games in just the same way as they would movies. People playing games with their kids. Lots of talk about Tears of the Kingdom at our last gathering. I assume for younger people it's even more normal.

All this is to say, I don't think there's a static absolute age cut-off. I think we're probably the first generation that will see a substantial portion continue to identify as small-g 'gamers' well into retirement. If they're is a (moving, getting older) age cut-off, at 47 now, maybe you're just on the upper side of the tipping point?

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[–] SnowBunting@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago

I can totally see why back then, 40 years ago, they felt like it was discriminatory. It's like adding the word "Chinese" or "Russian" Infront of a product. Seeing that country name infront of product might reduce the amount of people that purchase the item. The initial feeling of discrimination can last for years, even if the word and the world outlook has moved on. It's not so easy to tell someone to forget it especially if you need to make money off of it for your livelihood. Of course some of those games are famous now a days, but if you had a rough start in your 20-30, you'll remember it for a long time.

[–] RonniesaurusHex@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Born before 86 and it's one of my main hobbies. A large percentage of my friends are gamers of various kinds. I don't think there's a cut off, just people that get too caught up in defining what adulthood is and not letting fun and individuality be part of it.

[–] phi1997@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You hit it yesterday. A squad has been dispatched to retrieve your computer. I'm sorry.

[–] TIN@feddit.uk 1 points 1 year ago

I was wondering what those guys were up to

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