Asklemmy
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
Unfortunately yes; I was taped to a tree in elementary school for what felt like an eternity until one of the teachers found me.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, must have been so awful. Hope you managed to get through school ok after that and had support.
Thanks, I didn't have support (neither at home nor at school) and bullying was a regular occurrence for me. Took me a long time to become a social person as an adult...
I'm glad you managed to grow into being a social person. Fwiw you sound pretty badass to me getting through all that shit.
Thanks. I wouldn't consider myself fully equipped when it comes to social skills (can't read body language at all), but I at least do socialise and know how to function around other people that I could pass for a normal person. Took me years of intentional training to bring myself to the point of actually talking to people without subconsciously assuming things about them (either malice or apathy).
Hey Iβve struggled quite a bit with social skills. What are your gaps I might have some advice as a fellow fucked up dude learning to connect.
Thank you very much. In a one on one conversation, I usually can participate and talk, but if there are multiple people around me, it almost always ends up with me just not participating in the conversation unless someone specifically asks me something. Also, I really suck at reading body language, so sometimes I misread it and assume someone is uncomfortable with a topic and change it, and only later realise that it was just my imagination.
Okay yeah I think I know what might be going on there.
Iβm going to go out on a limb and guess youβre someone who can take potentially disturbing and unusual information without much fuss as long as itβs presented in an explicit, straightforward manner. Thatβs a compliment incidentally.
My guess is you have mild autism, never got diagnosed, and as a result have lower than average working memory.
What I can report from my own life β where I had exactly the same one-on-one conversation preference, blindness to body language cues, and panicked alarm when an unexpected third appeared at a planned two-person social occasion β is this:
When I expanded my working memory through focused and long working memory training, the problem disappeared so entirely that I love having four person conversations, and I feel a level of ease and a depth of engagement I never even knew existed with people. And itβs all easier than it ever was before even one on one.
So my recommendation to you is to expand your working memory.
What did it for me was 60 minutes of Follow That Frog on Lumosoty. A paid subscription is necessary to enable repeated playing of the same game.
One hour of that game over and over, no breaks, exhausts my brain for a couple of days and then it finally recovers and Iβm enhanced. Itβs incredible.
Please promise me youβll try it.
When you remember the tape incident does it still bring up feelings?
I don't get triggered around tape or anything like that, but I do feel a strong sense of unease when seeing a scene where someone gets tied down in a book, show, or movie. This is probably the reason I won't even entertain the idea of bondage even if my partner really wants me to give it a try.
Like duct tape? How much tape does it take to hold a kid up?
Asking for a friend...
Yep. First time ever was a real trip though. I was at a girl's house and she ties me up with some of her scarves as things are getting hot and heavy.
I enjoy spanking so I asked her to punish me because I was too shy to ask for what I wanted so she tied me up and started biting and scratching me.
Looooook beggars can't be choosers.
After a few minutes the doorbell rings and she tells me "don't go anywhere..."
Well she was gone a long time and I'm buck naked with my dick hanging out and peppered with scratch and bite marks and I get it in my head that it's her dad.
Don't ask where I got that idea, but we were in a religiously conservative country and I didn't want to get my dick cut off.
Anyway I managed to get loose from the scarves. It was an intense 90 seconds or so and my wrists got pretty raw.
She comes back and it was just a delivery.
She was bit perturbed with me because I really fucked one of the scarves up in the process but we had a laugh and got back to it.
Subscribe
Like as a hostage or as a sexual submissive?
Can it be both?
With consent it can be nearly anything
Just not hostage unfortunately
Only by my own hand, unfortunately
I can help you with that.
Nope. I don't like to lose control.
Yes, coworker wanted to use me to get back at others.
Wait what?
It seemed easiest for him I guess. People didn't always get along (they still don't) and hostaging me at their place was a way to increase his bluff.
Wait, what?
Is a meme going over my head or are people confused about something? It's not really something I look forward to talking about, it just happened. Someone thought it wouldn't be uncool to kidnap, what would people like to know?
What sort of workplace were you at where people kidnap you? Did he get fired and arrested?
Yes, he got arrested. I really just got caught in some wrong crossfire. Nothing black-market-esque involved.
Brother that is a wild fucking story. Write that shit down and turn it into a Netflix true crime mini-series.
and tickled. Fun enough to show up twice but broke almost instantly 2nd time round.. Not swearing off forever but they'd need a shitload of charisma.
I have siblings, yes. They are older. How did you know?
Yes, once as part of an BDSM session. A guy I really fancied was into BDSM, so I thought give it a try, see if I like it. Turns out I didnt and dont. At . All. As it happens, I intensely dislike being bound or restrained in any way. I also cant stand pain, and in addition I am incapable of inflicting pain on others. Oh, and I'm allergic to leather.
After our attempted BDSM session had inevitably turned to farce, he commented to me over a cup of tea afterwards that I was the most uniquely unsuited person to BDSM practices that he'd ever encountered... never a truer word spoke.
Not yet but it's on my list to try π
Only metaphorically.