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I mean, you can set DND to be on at certain times so that, short of an emergency that is sent tagged as such, you won't get notifications during certain hours of the day or night. Y'all don't need to get all bohemian self righteous with the whole "I've disconnected from the world through my phone and have never looked back". Seriously, get over yourself. We all have our crosses to bare and DND is a great feature for some "leave me alone" time but there's no need to become a virtual hermit in order to have some peace and quiet.
Theres a "do not disturb at night" option on all modern phones nowadays for people who dont want to become unreachable
And you can configure certain apps or contacts to be excluded, at least on Android. I assume iOS can do the same.
True, one of the first thing I did on my phone, set to DnD from 22h to 7h,except for phone calls and SMS from known contacts.
I changed mine to all calls after a friend called 2am from a cell and I didn't get it. Still only certain texts though
Should have it set to repeated calls from any number ring through.
Please don't tell anyone I know about this feature.
Here's how my next family gathering would go if I were in the movie Liar Liar:
"Son! We never hear from you anymore! It's so hard to get ahold of you these days!"
"Yeaaaaah........"
"Everytime I call, there's never any answer, and your mailbox is full."
"Yeah. I've intentionally kept my voicemailbox full for the past 3 years. Then I turn the ringer to silent, as it has been for 10 years"
"Why?"
"Well, I love all of you, but it is EXAUSTING to talk to most of you for more than 30 minutes, and not very often. If you notice, at Christmas, and other holidays, I tend to flutter. I don't want to spend any more than 15 minutes with any one of you, so when you start building up your bs, I flutter to the next person, and the cycle renews. Look, I know my niece is only 13, but she better start dating by 15, and have a kid by 18. Look, BEST case scenario, I don't get to play retro video games with a kid seeing them for the first time for AT LEAST 8-9 years. And that's assuming my niece grows up waaaaaaay faster than I expect her to. She may not have a kid until she's 30! I'm not going to be the cool uncle in his late 40s, spending time with the kid, so he feels included.......I would be the weird uncle in his late 60s, trying to show his great nephew novelty video games from 80 years prior. And at that point I lose my buffer! Ok, I'm sorry. I would absolutely prefer to play video games with a kid I talk to once a year, and show him games of the past, than have to go have "grown up conversations". Which roughly translated means hearing my boomer mom get progressively more openly racist, which historically was NEVER the case, and my boomer dad become increasively more peaceful, and accepting of others, and less racist......which is even MORE surprising! Because before Obama, he would not hesitate to throw the n-word around casually. So basically I don't understand life right now. Then you got my sister, who I feel I should feel guilty for thinking she's a bad person....but I don't. She belittles anyone, even those close to her. She loves to argue and make those around her feel bad. Then there's my other sister who used to be this social animal party drinker when she was in her 20s, and now in her 50s she loves judging people, and gossiping about the neighbors or whoever. Again, historically unlike her. Then there's my brother in law, who I feel like is the reason my sister turned from free spirit to mean judgy type. And then there's his parents, who aren't bad people at all. His parents are salt of the earth people. They're just really really......boring in every way. Finally there's my niece. She's 13, so she's in that self awkward phase where she doesn't talk to anyone and somehow gets away with it. Maaaaaan, just a few years ago she was my buffer! I played untitled goose game with her, pokemon with her, some driving game.......now she stays in her room and avoids everybody! Lucky...."
And then everybody would look at me and stare. Everybodys feelings are hurt. So instead I just say
"Heh, yeah. I get a lot of telemarketers these days"
I swear to god, their dog better live like 30 years. She LOVES me everytime I come over. And she gets super excited and energetic. So I'm just like "I'll Maisey for a walk!" And my sister is like "It's 10 degrees, and blizzarding out there!" And I'm like "So does she have little doggy boots, and maybe like a sweater with overlaying wind breaker....orrrrr......what are we doing? Is this like a pulling her on a sled situation?" And she'd say "No there's no doggy boots or sweaters, or sleds!" And I say "Well, I mean that's kind of cruel though, don't you think? To take her out in this without protection from the elements?" And she says "I WASN'T GOING TO TAKE HER OUT AT ALL!!!" and I just say "Woooowwwwwwww! Hear that Maisey? I'm the only one who loves you enough to take you for a walk. C'mon, we get the old wagon, and at the very least a blacket!"
And then leave the house for like.....45 minutes to an hour.
Look, I love my family. I just don't have the social stamina to interact with them.
Edit: Oh, and if you've never seen Liar Liar, the concept is this guy (jim carry) has a spell put on him where he can't physically lie. So instead he just blurts out the cold hard truth. Go watch it. It's good.
Thanks for sharing, it really did feel like a sketch out of the movie.
I guess I would also focus on the dog and the niece when they are more approachable and not as combative and so many people in your family are changing quite profoundly
I hope you have a lovely day without phone calls!
Wow. Don't change the setting back! Never!!
Or your phone would be blocked forever with downloading all these missed notifications...
;-)
I did a similar but more generalised thing since long ago, when I got my first pager (pre-mobile) in '95. I made myself a solemn promise that I would gratuitously and unapologetically use silent-mode, DnD, etc (including more recently auto-DnD every late-afternoon-to-mid-morning, even on weekends, when it became a thing) to live an almost exclusively asynchronous life. I almost never answer direct phone-calls too, often even for many of the recognised numbers. My modus operandi is this:
If it's a real emergency a call might be unavoidable, but if it's just typical-urgent it could be an SMS (key part of that acronym is Short) which I would see relatively soon. Alternatively a sensitive/private urgent requirement could be fulfilled via Signal. Otherwise email (pgp-encrypted if it has to be private) which I usually catch up with every day or two. Also I disable all non-critical realtime app-notifications entirely. Additionally whenever someone calls/emails me with an "opportunity" requiring "immediate response because they need a confirmation by yesterday!!!!1" I know that means the work is going to be like that too (absent time-management or time-discipline, bouncing between crises in parallel) so my go-to response is along the lines of "Thanks, but such a shame it's so last-minute - it would be impossible for me to properly consider this against the rest of my schedule and decide responsibly whether I could do it. I hope you find someone."
I didn't choose that for the sake of being antisocial, I chose it because I felt that "flow state" and "focus-retention while tackling complex problems" are extremely precious resources, and also increasingly rare. Most (not all) of the time if you don't push back to protect that then others won't voluntarily protect yours for you, because a lot of people only respect their own time, mental-bandwidth and priorities, and not those of others. I found that batching tasks together to grind through them in bulk without interruption is not only useful at work, but in most of the mundane/administrative parts of life too, because it minimizes the destructive effect of context-switching.
I discovered a very astute validation of this in an essay by Paul Graham "Maker's Schedule, Manager's Schedule" https://www.paulgraham.com/makersschedule.html
Smart man.
I kinda do this. I've found that I drift away from everyone. I don't respond in real time. I don't want to interrupt anyone for idle conversation.
Not sure I'd really recommend, but I can't seem to help drifting away from people. Only people in my life are my wife, kids, and people my wife keeps in my life, which includes my own folks.
It's lonely when I stop to think about it. Which mostly I don't, but when I do.... it sucks. And I think I'm accidentally raising my kids to be the same way.