Asklemmy

Uhhhhh honey what you're describing is called "theft". Also known as "fraud" if you want a different name.

But to answer your question, I usually shit during working hours, so I get paid to shit. It's a great feeling.

I own my own company, I am the sole employee. I win all the company raffles, it's great.

Have you ever created your own job perks?

No, but I had a small company and asked the worker bees to define their own perks.

There were four employees. Three of them played paintball together and wanted paintballs. So I brought a case of their favorite balls into the office before their outings. The fourth guy wanted to have baby carrots to snack on. He ate ~3 lbs a week. Dude would code for hours as long as he was crunching carrots.

I couldn't have guessed what any of them wanted but they were absolutely cranked by getting it. This was a huge lesson for me: ask people what they want.

That is playing with fire my dude. and i'm someone who slits the throats of businesses to make jobs tennable for myself and customers.

Uhaul for example...I dont give two fucks if you committed a heist with one of their trucks and there was blood and bullet holes upon check it. ill just mark it in the system as prior damage and uhaul sends a mechanic to fix it. done...some uhual dealers are fucking douches tho, you'll know because of the 'prior damage' stickers all over. fuck those gougers. Its free money for no effort, no reason to jam the customer up or take more time out of my day 'inspecting'. that's the job of uhauls mechanics.

When I was the Buyer for a chain of bike shops I basically became like a co-owner. I managed to link up all of the point of sale systems merge all the preseason ordering so that it was centralized and I could negotiate better terms on inventory. I managed all data entry and got the system unified so that it was easy to search our stores and available products from distributors. I took on responsibilities and improved the place well enough that I set my own hours and could do whatever I wanted. I was the boss but without any people drama responsibilities. I could set other peoples schedules and arrange for anyone I wanted to work with, but like I never told people what to do or had any of the negatives of managing. Like, "I am just doing X, Y, and Z today and if you'd like to help, come join me, otherwise I'll do it myself." Working with me, my style, and taking on responsibility without being told is how people got a pay bump. No one ever talked about it, but if I asked for someone to work with me across a couple of schedules, the owner bumped their pay. I loved that I could work a few hours before the shop opened or a few after it closed and have the whole place to myself. If I wanted to do a weekday race or it was just a nice day for a ride, I just left and went riding. I picked my demo bike and custom gear to ride and constantly got new stuff given to me. It was a fun life more than a job. The pay sucked, but it was fun.

I used to work at a place on an hourly wage. There were two PCs you would clock in on. Most of the time, people would just use the one. But one time, I had to use the other. And I noticed the clock was behind on the other. By about ten minutes.

So after that, I would clock in on the computer showing the prior time stamp, and clock out on the computer with accurate time. Ten minutes a day, five days a week, for a whole summer? About a free $100

So we simplified the whole thing. We rounded them all down, dropped the remainder into an account only we have access to. It's like Superman III.

Afternoon naps at my old job (working from home). My boss knew, but he didn't care as long as I got my 40 hours in at some point in the week.

I worked at a restaurant that had a contest once for which server could sell the most orange juice. At the time, sodas were $0.99 and orange juice was $1.98. So, any time a table ordered 2 sodas, I'd ring it up as 1 orange juice. I won by a landslide. The customers would occasionally ask why their receipt had orange juice, but I'd just explain it's the same price as the 2 sodas, and that was the end of it.

Someone I worked with did something similar. This was close to 25 years ago, at a popular drive thru corporate coffee chain. I took no part in these shenanigans myself, but I got a cut each night we worked together just for looking away as it happened.

Basically, her whole hustle revolved around the fact that the cash register at the drive thru window had been broken and not working for ages. She had memorized the prices for every single item sold there. So when someone ordered at the drive thru, she would tally up their whole order in her head, but then go around to the main counter's register and ring the entire order up as just a small coffee. She'd then take their money, give them the change that was due, but put the difference into the tip cup.

This went on for about a month until I just couldn't stand the overall work environment. It's still to this day the only service industry "job" I've ever had. I hated it so much that even all that extra free money couldn't keep me there.

Hating that one month so much is also the reason I tip service workers as best I can, still to this day.

I steal time constantly and no one seems to notice or care. Take a two hour lunch break, leave early and punch out electronically hours later... I get paid nothing but at least I can spend more time with my family and videogames.

The other job perk I created was when I was suddenly made redundant and the whole business went under the day before payday, I left with $30 worth of tools in my pocket and a mug.

I worked at a gas station selling hot dogs, baguettes and baked goods. I was told to not eat or take the leftover food at the end of the day, but knowing where the cameras was, I consistently grabbed a few items at the end of the shift. They would be spoiled by the next day anyway, so who would care.

Looking back, I understand the policy. The policy is there to ensure that employees dont overproduce towards the end of the shift. Without even realizing, I totally consistently ensured that there was a few extra items at the ready.

It was totaly theft. Even though I didn't realize what I was doing at the time.

absolutely. I work at a phone/computer repair shop.

I have a policy called the "front desk fix policy". pretty much, if I can fix it at the front desk in under a few minutes, I'm not charging you for it. common culprits are simple software fixes and charging port cleanings.

I give free screen protectors with every repair instead of charging customers for it. the screen is the expensive part not the screen protector.

I also tend to give a 10$ discount if people are just cool to talk with. if we genuinely enjoy talking to each other, they've made my day better, so I might as well do the same for them.

When I worked at the window of a national pizza chain, if you paid in cash and told me to "keep the change," I'd mark your order as cancelled and pocket the whole bill.

I still feel shitty about it but I was making $7/hr as a college student and it sure beat my AM selling pressed pills from the backdoor after close

Not quite like this. But I started my own business so I (and anyone who works for me) can work to outcomes as opposed to butt in chair hours. I hate sitting around after completing my work just because I have to get an 8 hour day - who cares how long I work if the work gets done.

I (with permission, but without oversight) take home all the broken computers, obsolete cables, and other junk from work and either:

• build working PCs from parts of many and sell them
• strip them and sell the parts individually
• sell the cables (if you need a VGA cable for some old monitor at 730pm on sunday right away because your new monitor broke, Im youre guy)
• scrap out computers and cables for ewaste, copper, and aluminium and sell these at the recycling center.

Nothing goes to waste/landfil on my watch. Everything I sell is exceptionally cheap. If someone needs a computer but has no money, I give it.

God, this is genius. When I worked at my hometown grocery store, I would take the prepackaged deli salads as payment for not taking my legally required lunch and eating over my 15 minute break. We'd also have to destroy any product that was damaged, so on Sunday's at the slowest point in the morning, we'd "find" damaged cinnamon roll dough and cook them in the pizza oven.

When I worked at Aldi, I'd "forget" to pay for the coffee creamer when we needed more. At the peak of the pandemic, we very happily used the store purchase perk for our groceries, even though they were meant for break time meals.

Not me but when self checkouts were first a thing my friend would offer their countdown rewards card to anyone who forget there's and racked up heaps of points for free. I can't remember what the points go you except cheaper fuel.

🤯