this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2023

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[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

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fuck the manosphere (lemmy.world)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by kofe@lemmy.world to c/casualconversation@lemmy.world

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I just want to vent a bit - I started seeing someone a few weeks ago. Old fling that I ran into through some friends that got rekindled, and I was excited that it seemed like more than just casual hookups this time. But there were some yellow flags I ignored that turned out to be red flags, and now I'm feeling frustrated and hurt.

Dude for real dropped the line that men are more "capable" and "logical" on me. That gender studies are "indoctrination." I told him we should probably stop seeing each other if that's really what he thinks. It wouldn't be logical for me to keep seeing someone that thinks lesser of me, now, would it?

I'm grateful to have some guy friends that I turned to after I left, cuz I wanted to go into "fuck all men" mode, but I know it's not true or helpful. Just like there are women out there that have internalized misogyny, there's feminist men, enbies, etc. We're all just people and we're not monoliths beholden to differences in biology. This is just sexist, manosphere bullshit in particular

Anyway. I'm still feeling angry and wanted to put it out there for some support and solidarity. Anyone have a recent win they'd like to share or something?

ETA: Thank you so much for the conversation y'all! I've been trying to keep up but I gotta get some sleep. I'll check in later but hope everyone has a good day. Keep up the empowerment! 💜

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[–] kofe@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I've actually used this before to argue with someone about gender v sex, and it can be fun when I'm not romantically interested lol. Just play into it on anonymous accounts that they can't know your gender, so why assign it at all if it's not explicitly stated? The person I argued with eventually admitted they were just scared of making a mistake in social settings, so I encouraged them to practice. It doesn't take that long to get used to, and it's exactly how you prevent mistakes!

But then I added in another comment, we're human and there's room for error. It's the people that intentionally misgender that are the assholes

[–] Papanca@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Interesting, and i agree; i never even try to assume gender when talking to people online.

As a side note, apart from logic and rationality, i never noticed women being more emotional than men. Also, from what i've seen online, men often are quite talkative and the first to break the ice or share an opinion or experience.

But in the end, i prefer to look at individuals and try not to focus on labels.

[–] kofe@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

For sure. Not to say there aren't differences between genders, but yeah, I tried pointing out to the guy from my post that we're all emotional creatures, and ignoring that can have pretty damaging effects. He did try to say women are more emotional along with men being more logical, and of course my reaction was to feel angry at the injustice and explain that. Feels much healthier and logical for me to listen to that emotion and walk away. Now I'm getting all talkative lol. Think that shows women (well, I'm nonbinary AFAB) may talk more when they feel safe, and I appreciate you contributing to that:)

[–] Papanca@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

Much healthier indeed; one will never convince people who are not open to other viewpoints anyway, and it would just suck the energy right out of you.