this post was submitted on 10 Sep 2023
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Checking this thread, I'm more convinced that I missed the train by a long shot. I'm about to be 33 and due to several circumstances, I haven't been able to date at all, or have any friends to begin with. Given the rule of half plus seven, finding a woman age 23 or higher with the same (lack of) romantic history is basically impossible.
Don't be so pessimistic about it, i thought as you do. However, if you meet a person fitting to you, it is of no importance that you have no experience. I had my first date recently, probably ten years later than most. While i was embarrassed, it was no problem for her and she was very considerate to me.
As of me, I don't feel as comfortable. I'd rather stay alone than having to somehow compensate for all the experience that I don't have and will certainly be compared to and found lacking. I can't imagine a person comparing me with her ex and saying "yeah, I can settle for him"
Oh man...
Please don't let feelings of being less than due to inexperience stop you from pursuing a relationship if that is something you want. Don't worry about comparison - you can't control that. What you can do is present your best self, as you are, and let the chips fall where they may. You might be surprised.
Eh, personally I'm a bit too jaded by rejection, not romantically, but from potential friends turned bullies. So I have no intention of pursuing anything romantic unless I'm 110% sure that the relationship will work for me.
Honestly, I think that when you love someone you never settle, you are excited that this person is in your life, even though they are not perfect. This is to say that once you fond someone that truly loves you their exs won't compare because you are the person that they want and it won't matter if one of the exs was better at some specific thing, you are better as a whole and they choose you.
Welp, there lies part of the problem - I don't think I offer much in the way of anything, and in fact I have more needs than what I can offer back. Which is precisely why I don't have any friends either.
Everyone has something to offer to someone. Flaws are human, I can say that some of the people that I loved the most were also the most flawed people I knew, and it didn't stop me from loving them and wanting then in my life.
Life is not transactional, don't discount yourself because you might not see your own value right now.