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What does the fear of being judged by others hold you back from doing that you would otherwise do? (sopuli.xyz)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Thorny_Thicket@sopuli.xyz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

150 comments fedilink hide all child comments

To be fair I still do these things but only when I'm alone.

Personally I love finding big puddles and then dig drains with a stick or my heel and watch the water flow.

Also love to throw a piece of wood into water and then toss stones high up in the air and try hit it imagining it's a warship I'm trying to bomb.

Then also without going into details there are some pieces of clothing I would like to wear but don't because they're considered femine or gay.

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[–] Tiritibambix@lemmy.ml 70 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I do whatever the fuck I want, unless it is unpolite or could hurt somebody's freedom.

I learnt that, as I don't give a shit about what people are doing, they must also don't give a shit either. People just care about themselves most of the time. The day I realized that, I had a strong freedom feeling.

Having kids multiplied this attitude by 1000 and actually, I see people smiling and interacting with us while we're fooling around.

GO PLAY WITH FUCKING PUDDLES WEARING PINK PANTIES ON YOUR HEAD MY DUDE ! I might join you.

[–] homoludens@feddit.de 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ideally yes. But as a guy I have been insulted in public for small things like wearing nail polish, and that's in a liberal German city. Most people don't care, some don't like it, some compliment it and some make me feel unsafe.

And that of course has an effect in other areas too: what if my boss or my coworkers don't like me wearing nail polish? They would never be open about it (our company would not allow it), but it might lead to some bias against me. And as they wouldn't be open about it, I couldn't react to it (by calling them out or changing jobs). Instead I might just advance more slowly and wonder why that is. It really fucks with your mind, when you know there is bias against you (or something you do) but you never know in which situations it actually comes into play.

I still wear nail polish most of the time, because fuck the haters and we need to make progress somehow, but it's not as easy as "I don't care about them so they don't care about me".

[–] Tiritibambix@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 year ago

I got you. Of course it's easier said than done. But you got to be nuanced and able to read the room. Maybe think ahead to avoid being in trouble (work, edgy neighborhoods).

But in the end, you must not care. Even insults. Insults have the value only you give to them.

Take care ♥️