this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2023
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I exist in a weird space where my entire family always known. They hate me regardless. Maybe if I was who they wanted me to be they'd take it into account but it's an absolute non factor in my reality. I am an accident child, my grandma thought or perhaps still thinks I've ruined my mother's life (my mother believes my grandma hates her so it's weird she'd care). All my family members hate me for being nothing like them. The communist manifesto has a part about the family and how it should be abolished and it resonated with me a lot. I don't hate my blood relatives. I don't think of them at all. I know I have nowhere to go if I fail in life so I may never fail.
It's a weird feeling when others share their families took issue with it. Mine didn't really because I cannot disappoint them more than I did by existing as an entity which isn't a copy of them. We have nothing in common but genes and those I even share some with cucumbers (afaik). I don't even look like them because my body developed affected by inborn sickness. It's definitely interesting to have more of a perspective on what most people will never question just because of a unique position I am in.