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What are some dating mistakes you often see when people try seeking a partner? (kbin.melroy.org)

submitted 1 month ago by Nyxicas@kbin.melroy.org to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

88 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I have a few.

One is abbreviation hell. Nobody is going to spend the time trying to decipher what you mean when you use over several abbreviations. It is just better if you'd explain than expecting people to understand aside from commonly used abbreviations that are easy to understand.

Another is overstepping your limits for the sake of getting a partner. Compromising your own standards is perhaps one of the worst things you can do when it comes to trying to find dates. Like you're suddenly okay with dating single parents but you don't like children. You're suddenly okay with dating religious people but you're not religious. Things like that. Because it means you're desperate and you're setting yourself up and setting them up for a bad date.

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[–] dukeofdummies@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I would always suggest never force yourself to interact with people. I'm just saying be adjacent. You don't have to force yourself to interact with people. Just at least be around them.

Forcing yourself to interact with a person for no other reason than interaction is ALWAYS awkward. It takes skill to plow through the awkwardness. Speed dating, speed friending, date auctions, are always awkward for this reason. Small talk can be difficult but if you treat someone more like google asking a question you actually care about. It's a lot less awkward. People like to be experts, and treated as such.

It's why I say just, wander. It's alright not speaking to anybody for hours at an event. Walk through it like you would a forest. Take in the sights and sounds. Try to find something truly interesting.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

I'll give an exception here, I'm an extrovert with social anxiety and I benefitted immensely from making myself do things and talk to people.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Well for me, that's why my social anxiety doesn't really exist so much at work. I can simply do my work if I have nothing to say or if no one seems to want to interact with me. And then with the interaction with coworkers bit...I'm literally required to interact with coworkers to perform my job duties. So then branching out into casual chats isn't weird because we were already just discussing work.

If I'm at say...a coffeeshop or something...interaction with other patrons doesn't really make sense contextually...even if I start to recognize the regulars who are there. There is nothing we are doing cooporatively.

[–] dukeofdummies@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Oh I know, that's why I say go to events. Going to a coffee shop or even a club aren't places I'd recommend. Interacting is so expensive there in terms of energy, anxiety, and stress.

But a lot of events have a lot more contextual options. Where questions are appreciated, as well as compliments. Anime conventions are a great example. "How did you make this?" "What show is this from?" "What is this line for?" "Can I get a picture?" "You look awesome"

Would never do that in a coffee shop.