Transfem

::: spoiler I got spayed by the stuff once while riding on a bike trail. It was a mentally off homeless person that was looking for conflict with any perceived enemy and I guess I fit the bill in a club kit on a nice looking road bike. I mean, no one can tell that the bike is a crashed and salvaged demo bike I was given as a perk of working in a bike shop for peanut shells and promises or that I'm just doing a quite miserable physical therapy routine and spend most of my day lying in a bed.

Anyways, I don't know what the state of the pepper spay was, like how old or brand, etc. There's no doubt that it was tossed by someone that this person managed to find.

While I am somewhat limited on a bike and certainly not in race shape anymore, I was an amateur racer in the past. I've ridden most days since 2009. The longest stretch I've ever done without riding is 8 weeks due to the crash that broke my neck, back, and totaled 2 SUV's. I still ride quite hard and can hold 20+ MPH and higher. I generally push right up against subanaerobic levels when I ride. This was the state I was in when I was sprayed right in the face at close range of less than 3 feet. I was traveling at 15-20 MPH at the time.

I could tell something was not right, but I had no idea exactly what I had been sprayed with. My sunglasses prevented direct eye exposure. I was soaking with sweat and it was all around my glasses. I immediately stopped hard and was around 20 feet away from the guy that was just standing there smiling and staring. I was in hard cycling shoes and Shimano road cleats, so I'm obviously not in shape to chase anyone down or fight with those on. However, upon stopping, it became clear to both of us that there was no immediate effect, and I might just have the option to beat the hell out of this punk. The dude panicked and darted into the cover of an overgrown riverbank.

From there I still rode about a half mile to a police station. By the time I got there, the effects started getting bad enough for me to begin to have trouble seeing and breathing at full lung capacity. It was annoying and a very irritating nuisance. However, I am conditioned for pain tolerance both naturally, (racing as a roadie is all about masochistic pain), and chronic spinal issues for over a decade. I will say, that pepper spray, which it clearly was after it took effect, barely phased me. I had to stop and try to wipe and rinse most of it off my face. I couldn't get it off my jersey, and that was irritating over my skin. I couldn't wash all of it off of my face either. It was getting in my eyes from sweat. I spent about 30 minutes stopped washing and wiping the crap off as best I could. Still, I soft pedaled around 8 miles back home from there. I could have easily and quickly gotten a ride home if I had called, but I wear my "it could be worse" worst days as a badge of honor.

My real point is that, if anyone pepper sprayed me personally, and if the effects were anything like in this instance, it would do little to stop me.

I spent awhile working in heavy industry with some of the most petty racist and stupid men I've ever put up with; exactly the type of person that is very dangerous to the LGBTQ community. I'm not particularly handsome but in that group I'm the pretty boy, but accepted mostly by force because I'm physically a large commanding build of a guy. My pain tolerance and toughness pale in comparison to that group. Working around those guys in my early twenties had a big impact on my tough character, but I'm only cosplaying next to some of the stuff I've seen. There are a few guys in that group that a couple of bullets are unlikely to stop unless they clip some vital wiring – of which there is very little.

I hate the idea of telling anyone to get a gun or have a last stand mentality for some sense of security. I hate telling someone that feels insecure to acquire something that is equally dangerous to themselves, (projecting my own psychology and chronic situation – not presuming, accusing, or insinuating). I just mentally abstract to the thought of the Gestapo taking people away in Nazi Germany. I'd rather die in a gun fight than get herded into a chamber. In the present, I don't think it will come to that, especially here in California, but I want to go on my terms under such a circumstance. No one has a right to take your life or judge anyone else. I believe in the Hippocratic oath's "First, do no harm" and by extension, 'live and let live'. Anyone violating this unalienable right deserves what they get, even at the hands of a guerilla insurgency of one.

Anyways, I would be very careful about choosing pepper spray and relying upon it. I'm sure there is variance in quality and chemistry. Still I would be very very aware of only using it in a situation where the primary issue is their pursuit of me after fleeing. In this limited capacity, I can see pepper spray as truly effective. I would not be able to chase someone at full tilt for very long after being sprayed. I would have been able to chase for 5-10 minutes before I was completely unable in my one instance of experience. If they were within a short distance or arms reach when I got sprayed, all bets are off. It then becomes rage then rage inducing spray. I'm not trying to scare or make things worse. Hopefully someone that has experienced it directly in an outdoor blind situation where I did not expect pepper spray or even know that it was pepper spray, is a helpful perspective. I can describe almost any situation like this in extensive detail and try to give grounding context as much as I can. Hopefully this gives a useful perspective. That is my reason for all the bla bla bla, plus I just care. Stay safe, seriously.