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What's the trick to Menopause? (lemm.ee)

submitted 2 months ago by eric_cloudkiller@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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To prevent a recurrence of cancer, my wife's ovaries were removed and it has triggered menopause. We are in our mid 30s. It is a terrible business, with numerous symptoms like pain, discomfort, mood and attitude changes, and the like.

She is seeking treatments by her own idea, but that process has been extremely slow. In the mean time, all affection for me has completely evaporated and been replaced with anger, resentment, distance, and disrespect.

I know that she has no choice in what is happening to her, I know it is not her fault, I know she is barely able to control it, and I don't blame her for any of it. And yet, this new person living with me refuses to interact with me at all unless it's to chastise me for some perceived slight or criticize me for voicing my opinion.

I tried to express that I was feeling undesired and attacked but understood my plight was in no way similar to hers (nor as intense, serious, difficult, or important). I didn't want her to apologize because it wasn't her fault; I only wanted her to recognize that I was having feelings about what was going on.

She told me I had no right to those feelings, reminded me that what was happening was happening to her, and I should never bring it up again if I care about her at all.

So I'm seriously asking: What's the trick here? Do I just wait it out? Am I even allowed to have these feelings? Or should I just shut my big, dumb, stupid mouth? I legitimately want to know how to navigate this because I seem to only be making mistakes.

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[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I am a trans woman so I understand how it feels to not have the hormones you want in your body. It's literal hell. You are allowed to have your own feelings, and there's nothing wrong with that. Your wife's mental state is just in the gutter right now and that's why she's lashing out at you.

I'd recommend seeing a professional so she can get prescribed estradiol. That's really the only thing that's going to fix it.

[–] dillydogg@lemmy.one 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Someone with a uterus and a history of ovarian cancer likely isn't a candidate for estradiol, but there are other treatments. Maybe estrogen + progestin to prevent unopposed endometrial proliferation. Though I hope OP can find a doctor who can help with hormone replacement if that is what his partner wants.

[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 months ago

Yeah, I forgot that there are different variants better suited for cis women. I'm pretty sure you're correct that she does need something a bit different.