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How do you get over the fact that not everyone will like you? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 3 months ago by PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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It’s obvious and you would be deluded into thinking everyone you interact with likes you.

But how do you feel it?

Context: I’m a course instructor and I get direct reviews on my lessons and around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.

There’s less than 5% of my reviews that have real negative and non-constructive comments. Things like accusations of being incompetent or unprepared or full of shit, etc. They mention times I had technical difficulties or made a mistake (like giving an incorrect response)

Just by the numbers alone this is a very small minority overall. Yet these comments stick in my head and make me doubt my abilities.

So what are your strategies or ways you drown out this stuff?

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[–] Subtracty@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Time helps. I am not a teacher, but I coach.

I feel like I wanted to be loved by my athletes or completely ignored by them when I started coaching. I didn't want anyone to dislike or doubt my abilities in any way. I went above and beyond to plan practices and be as legitimate as possible as a young coach close (enough) in age to the athletes. I needed firmly establish that I was an authority in the field and worth taking advice from.

I'll be honest, some of my interactions with athletes during covid broke me. We went remote when facilities and the world shut down. Which meant trying to run fitness classes over zoom for whoever still wanted them. When we returned to in person practice, the athletes just came back cynical and critical (the entire world was just proven to be a shit show, so I understand where they are coming from). I felt like I had to justify my strategy every few weeks, of they did not see immediate results, they just questioned the value in coming to practice.

It took time to build up a reputation with my athletes again. All i could do was continue to do the best job possible and trust my knowledge. We just celebrated having our first Olympian alumni, so things are going well! But not everyone has that same successful result, and want to blame someone for that. Some people will always think they are the smartest person in the room, and you can't change their way of thinking.

For those 5% of negative reviews, the best case scenario is that you did the best possible job you could. And in a few years, they self reflect and think about how critical they were of you when it really wasn't anything. Worst case scenario, they tell the story of their instructor, who was in some way incompetent, and everyone just smiles, nods, and gets on with their lives. The otherwise overwhelmingly positive reviews show us that you are preparing your students for whatever the next step is. Some students might not see the value of your work immediately, or 2 years down the road, or ever. Just because they can not see the value in your work does not mean the value was not their.