Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
- Please be kind and respectful to all.
- Please tag NSFW topics.
- No NSFW image posts.
- Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
- Please do not repost bigoted content here.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
view the rest of the comments
Honestly, I’m proud of you, but be careful with what your wife really thinks. My dad brought that up to my mom after 20 years and their relationship is as cold as ice now. She basically said that “he lied to me, by not being upfront when we got married… “ basically she supports it, but it’s not what she wanted in a relationship.
I know you’re probably looking for feel good responses, as it’s a big step, but I had to throw this out there because I’ve seen it personally.
This is definitely one of those truths. In situations like this, it's both right that someone should be their best happiest self...but it's also true the other partner had their own expectations for a relationship, which might not be one where she's partnered to someone taking their life in a wildly different direction than what was expected early in the relationship.
It's a case where neither party is necessarily wrong, but things can end up hurting on both sides. Kind of like if other things were thought to be communicated early on, and is changed...like someone saying they're child free then trying to have a baby, or someone saying they intend to focus on career then doing something to wildly impact finances of the couple. Changing one's mind isn't wrong, nor is growing and learning about yourself, it's natural, but it can cause an incompatibly to pop up in a relationship that hurts or ends it, esp if it's not talked about, and esp if it's on a topic that greatly changes the nature of a relationship from the original agreement or assumptions and beliefs.
Thank you for understanding it and stating it more eloquently than I could. I was scared to bring it up for being “too negative” but I lived through seeing things more closely than I cared to.
No, you're right - a large part of my recent panic has been "what if this destroys my family", and I know that's still on the cards. I thought about how I'd have reacted in the past if she'd come out as a trans man (probably very badly, although I'd be fine with it now), but eh, we've had our crises in the past (more than a few caused by my unhappiness) and pulled through. Que sera sera, and I'm cool with that.
I'd even recommend talking about this with her one to one as quickly as is reasonably and respectfully possible. It will be better if she is not allowed to emotionally stew in this revelation to arrive at the mentioned conclusion.
She needs to know it won't go away and it changes literally nothing about the marriage or feelings
Oh it’s been quite a few years (decade?) and I’m a grown adult now. There isn’t any recovering from that. I didn’t find out about it until she randomly dropped it on me.