this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2024
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[Serious] What's your hot take? (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 months ago by TehBamski@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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[โ€“] PeepinGoodArgs@reddthat.com 4 points 4 months ago (2 children)

...but how?

[โ€“] Azzu@lemm.ee 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

It's actually pretty simple (but not easy at all)... You start actually believing that other people can't hurt you. That is pretty much all there is to it. (Not quite, will explain later).

You simply don't give that power to people. I love my spouse. But my spouse cheats on me. Now I could be hurt by the betrayal... But why? What is the benefit for me? I don't need to feel hurt to know that my spouse is not worth keeping around, to be my spouse anymore.

If other people do something bad to me, that is not on me, it's their problem. They're evil/unaware/selfish. It's no reflection on the quality of person I am. Thus when someone does something bad to me, it's honestly just good to know. I can decide how bad I think it is and react accordingly. But feeling hurt by it is not really required in that process.

As I said at the beginning, "not quite", there are a whole bunch of other beliefs attached to/required by this. For example, I believe that everything is temporary, or at least that the chance of something permanent (really, temporary until end of life) being low. I don't expect to be together with my spouse to the end of time - if it happens though, I have nothing against it. I believe that change is fine, and I look forward to it: If my spouse cheats on me, I can experience no partner for a while or forever, or experience looking for a new one, both things are fine with me. And so on. Basically all my beliefs are set up in a way that I'm fine with whatever happens.

(The only exception is extreme, or lasting physical harm and death. I can't experience anything "normally" anymore when these happen to me. Some disabilities could be fine, but I probably have a limit of how much I could be affected. Losing all movement in all my limbs could be fine, but I'm not sure. Losing an arm or a leg or hearing or similar severeness I could probably be fine with.)

Now the thing is, changing your entire belief system to be fine with pretty much anything is not something people are either willing or able to do. I did it though and think that theoretically everyone can do it.