Asklemmy

43945 readers

638 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

What's the best wax-on-wax-off-style advice you've heard that you can attest as being helpful in certain situations? (lemm.ee)

submitted 6 months ago by shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

33 comments fedilink hide all child comments

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] lemmy_user_838586@lemmy.ml 27 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (4 children)

This.. Might not be as helpful as you think it is.. My dad died 6 months ago, and If someone asked me what his name was and then said 'that's a nice name' I'd feel like it was a superficial and bad reaction. My father was a lot of things, and for someone to sum it up in 'that's a nice name' as a form of sympathy would make me pause and struggle to find a response to such a.. Simple and child-like reaction. I feel like that's a response you could maybe get away with people's pets, but not a human loved one.

[–] QuarterSwede@lemmy.world 10 points 6 months ago

Don’t get caught up in the phrasing, which should be tailored to each individual need in the moment. Instead, look at what they’re saying, just ask questions and actively listen. They should do more of the talking and people love to tell stories, especially of loved ones. This isn’t going to be the best approach for everyone but it will be for most people.

[–] whereisk@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago

How about: I'm sorry to hear that, are you holding up ok?

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago

My Dad died about 4 years ago now and I still think about him almost daily. It was hard at first, but I’m not sure which I would’ve wanted, for people to have asked about him or to have not asked about him. Part of me wanted to crawl into a hole and not talk to anyone and part of me wanted people to have cared and know about him.

While it’s true you can’t sum up a person with “that’s a nice name,” they’re trying to make conversation, they probably don’t know what you know about him and if you want them to know, you’d need to correct them. My Dad really wasn’t social much throughout his life, so it kind of felt like just nobody cared at all, maybe half a dozen people in total ever really asked anything about him after he passed.