Asklemmy

We have a suite of kitchen tools because sometimes walking downstairs to the garage is to far when all you want to do is measure something real quick or quickly tighten or loosen a screw.

A mop in the hallway because my dumb but lovable doggo can't take a sip without spilling most of the water onto the floor

We have fully furnished poop cutlery

Please say this isn't normal.

I recently discovered my father was unclogging toilets for god knows how long with the toilet brush. Like stabbing and twisting. Better than a plunger he says.

my youngest brother had a lazy stick. It was a broom handle and a ruler taped together with a couple of chop sticks mixed in to help hold the two together. To avoid getting out of bed, he fashioned this up to turn off the lights in his room. Inspired by Homers broom in the episode of the Simpsons where he gains a ton of weight to go on disability.

This stick did the trick and even could turn the tv on and off.

Twenty years later, my brother is currently on a diet and losing a lot of weight. All the weight is post stick and much later in life, but we have a laugh about it every now and again.

Pickle fork

Drywall patching spade that is a stain scraper.

Many years ago, I lived with two slobs. They often left dried food on the counters, floors, and other flat surfaces (like the stove top or floor of the oven). In addition, one of them fed their dog with human food that gave it the shits, and was not attentive towards talking the dog out to poop. So the floor would have clay-like puddles of drying dog diarrhea. This scraper was used to deal with the dollop of whatever organic matter was dried onto the counter, floor, or otherwise. Then washed in the next dishwasher cycle.

"But you'll scratch the [surface material]!!!"

I don't care. My house, my problem. Clean up after yourself, for fucks sake. Plus, I was always wiping down the counter with cleansers, so any cross contamination was not a concern. I am a voracious cleaner.

Those slobs have left, the dog passed away, and the dogs my wife and I have now are mostly housebroken and don't have diarrhea. The scraper only rarely gets used these days. When she moved it, I had to explain to her what it was, though.

We have a felony stick...I'd tell you what it's for, but for obvious reasons.... 🤫

Toeknife

Face scrubber. I was given a small crocheted dish scrubber - sort of like these - made from very soft tulle. It's too soft to be effective on dishes, but it works perfectly on my face.

We had an "automobile hairdryer." On school mornings after I took a shower and was being driven to school, I would lean my head up towards the dashboard and have the A/C blowing full blast to finish drying my hair. I would do this every morning in elementary school. Probably not very safe now that I think back on it.

Pellet pole for my pellet smoker. It's a 4ft long reflective marker (for marking edge of driveway when it snows) that I use to push the wood pellets to the middle of the pellet storage hopper towards the auger at the bottom.