Commemorative comment for the start of Lemmy lore.
this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2023
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I don't even want to know the answer because it'll be less entertaining than lemmy's collective imagination.
As for the question: I think your biggest problem is going to be inducing a proper clearout shortly before you go on your trip. Maybe laxatives?
Edit: I just realized, is the reason you don't want to go despite having toiles available stuff like hemorrhoids or an anal fissure? Because if so, there are creams for that my friend.
Fast. Seriously. Drink just enough water to stay hydrated. Avoid diuretics like coffee and alcohol.
Don't drink coffee then.
This entire thread is just⦠wow.
I figured this out. There's a girl/guy there this person doesn't want to take a shit around because OP is a notoriously stinky pooper. Everyone can go home now.
I recommend eating a lot of cheese and absolutely NO fiber. Not sure if it will make you sweat less, but I'm pretty sure if I ate only cheese for 3 days, it wouldn't be too hard to wait till the end of it to poop. In fact, I may need some help at that point... maybe you should eat some fiber like a couple hours before you do plan on trying to poop, and also drink lots of water at that point, too. I personally find cheese very "helpful" in getting myself constipated, and fiber + water to be a great way to smoothen the pooping process.
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Don't eat, just constantly drink something with some sugar in it so your energy level keeps up. That's it.
I'm so happy I can be a part of this historical moment.
Avoid fiber like plague
I was a witness to OPs great secret.
Alright. I'm giving you this advice because I've done it on a camping trip but it was only a single night. I usually go once or twice a day. I just didn't want to deal with digging a hole and it was only a single night in my case. I just took some anti diarrhea medicine to constipate myself lol. I don't remember how much, maybe even less than a whole dose.
Please read the labels and follow the instructions, it might not necessarily be safe over three days. Also imagine getting stopped up so bad that you have to go to the doctor about it then having to explain this. Just be careful. You're not saying why you refuse to go so only you can judge if it is worth it.
That said, I know someone who claims to only poop once a week and they claim their doctor said that was "within normal parameters" so who knows. But I have also heard stories of people having to go to the doctor and get an enema because they're so constipated.
Leading up go on an mostly liquid diet. Diet shakes would probably do it. And just don't eat solid food. This, BTW, is going to suck when it's over as you'll feel like you need your bowel disimpacted. But it is possible.
Posting this from the shitter so I can say I was there. Ignore this shit-post.