this post was submitted on 10 Sep 2023
142 points (86.2% liked)

Asklemmy

43945 readers
638 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.

I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I'm over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.

The thing is, she seems really mature but I can't put aside the age gap.

Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn't healthy for me or her?

Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?

Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)

Thank you everyone!

(page 3) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[โ€“] CADmonkey@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I met a woman once when I was 27, and we really clicked. She was amazing, fun to talk to, and beautiful. But then I found out she was only 19 years old and I nearly ended it. I didn't, because we got along so well.

I'm 43 now. She's 35. We've been married for 14 years. She is still amazing, fun to talk to, she has an incredible green thumb and she's grown awesome stuff for us to eat. She nursed a sick chicken back to life last week. The only nights we don't have sex are the nights we are recovering from a marathon session in bed. She has deep green eyes and beautiful long legs.

So based on my anecdotal "evidence", I say go for it.

I think you asking means you are not in it for the wrong reasons, don't deny yourself happiness becuase of what others might think

[โ€“] ExLisper@linux.community 0 points 1 year ago

No, it's actually very good.

[โ€“] jadedwench@lemmy.world -1 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Yes. It is wrong. The gap isn't a big deal when you have both gotten to that mid 20s+, but who we are at 19 and 25 is vastly different. Please don't date teenagers. Don't make mental excuses to justify it. Take the compliment and move on.

I agree. I was in college at 19 and I would not have been able to grow as a person in the same way, if I had been dating a 25 year old at the time. You're just at different stages of life at this point.

I'm not saying it's impossible for this to work out well for some people. Clearly in the comments here it has, and I have friends with a greater age difference who are now happily married.

But in general, no I don't think this is a good idea. If it was the same age gap but meeting later in life, no big deal. But a 19 year old is at a very different point in life than a 25 year old and she needs to be able to grow on her own outside of a relationship with an older person.

load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] focusforte@lemmy.world -2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You are right to consider the age gap, I would say the best bet for you to mitigate your concerns is to not put any sort of commitment in place until she's old enough that you're not concerned about the age gap anymore.

At 19 years old, you're not even old enough to drink if you're interested the US. I would probably say give her until 22 before you do anything that's going to evolve any sort of commitment or possible long-term consequence for either of you. In the meantime, there's nothing wrong with some low commitment dating.

[โ€“] MTK@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Thank you! This is a really interesting tip!

load more comments
view more: โ€น prev next โ€บ