this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2025
257 points (93.6% liked)

Asklemmy

44625 readers
1304 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I’ve had several conversations/arguments recently with my brother making clear my system of values and my hatred for the wealthy. He is nearly diametrically opposed on all accounts and often makes light of their actions. He goes so far as to say that poor people and people in need of social services should have to figure things out for themselves. He often defends Elon Musk and champions him for being self made.

He is getting married in a foreign country soon and I have been able to put aside our differences and have been planning on going

…up until yesterday that is. I asked him of his thoughts on Musk’s seig heil maneuver and he sent a right wing meme of democratic leaders caught mid wave, saying that “they did it first”. He continued to be avoidant and didn’t respond to me calling it a strawman.

In this moment it feels necessary to cancel my plans to send a message that this is not ok. Am I the (or an) asshole for not going to his wedding because of this?

(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] jbrains@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Your last paragraph contains the clue. What message do you genuinely believe your brother will understand from you refusing to attend his wedding? Will it do any good? Does it seem likely to change anyone's behavior?

If yes, then don't go. If no, then put that thought aside and reconsider whether you actually want to go, then decide based on that.

[–] pastermil@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 week ago

I think you should follow your heart and not some stranger on the internet.

No, I wouldn't say you're the asshole, whatever you decide.

[–] agent_nycto@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

How do you feel about the sister in law? What's her take on all this?

[–] dil@piefed.social 2 points 1 week ago

Either way some people will think you're an asshole.

In a vacuum, yeah obviously he's being a piece of shit. I'm honestly not really sure what his point is in saying Democrats did it first? So... it's ok because they did it first? Or it's bad, but we're only saying something because the other team did it ("it's [d]ifferent")?

Frankly, your brother might just be a fucking idiot that believes whatever is put in front of him. That sucks, especially when you have to hear his regurgitated Nazi apologia, but it's fuzzier whether that means you shouldn't go to his wedding.

I mean, it's also possible that he's actively malignant, but his response indicates to me a lack of critical thinking.

And if you want to skip your brother's wedding because he's an idiot, then that's ok! You get to set your own rules and boundaries based on your values and what you are willing to tolerate.

Personally, I'd probably go. Sure, he has shitty beliefs, but if that's only because they were spoon fed in meme format to him, is that his fault? Or is that the fault of whatever algorithm he's subjected to (which is likely under pro-billionaire influence)?

Either way, I'd recommend spending some time thinking about it before you decide.

[–] TypicalHog@lemm.ee 1 points 1 week ago

Yes, this would be an asshole move for sure! You should leave politics behind at least for a day.

[–] Pili@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 1 week ago

You can do whatever you want with your life. If you're not comfortable with going, then you shouldn't go.

You should also ask yourself if you'll be ok in the future with the idea that your and your brother's opinion about a third person, who isn't a part about either of your lives, is a valid ground for potentially breaking forever your relationship with your brother. Maybe simply avoiding this topic that creates tensions would be enough?

Neither of you is an asshole.

load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›