In a blender
this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2025
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Spiral sliced and slurped as one giant noodle.
i gotta try that
slapping your face into the middle of the pie and sucking like a dyson
sucking like a Dyson
What, immediately block up, stop working then lots of bits just randomly break off you?
Fold it in half (sauce outl, then eat it from the middle out
Or with a fork and knife
Almost like a calzone?
rolling it up starting from the crust like it was a croissant and then taking a bite, not from the end, but from the side
OR
not cut into slices, you tear out the center and slip your head through so it sits around your collar, then lift it to take bites periodically like a candy necklace
Chopsticks
Putting pineapple on it
Gonna need somewhat of a custom pizza shape for this to work without arousing suspicion. Put the pizza between the toilet rim and the seat. If it sags a bit that's fine, the seat should hold it in place. Print out a picture of the inside of the toilet bowl and place it on top of the pizza. Close the lid.
After a few days, invite the crew over for beers. Rig the bathroom light so that it's very dim. "Sorry, been having issues with it, not sure what the problem is." Eventually someone is going to notice the ruse. When they do, "Oh shit, my pizza! I was wondering where that went." Bring it back into the kitchen and offer everyone a slice. They will refuse. "More for me then!" Eat the whole thing.
Instant legend.
Came here to post this. He had to have been trolling.
The dude is weird and out of touch. I believe everything he does and says is performed without any forethought.
take a bit from the outer perimeter, rotate the zza slightly, then take another bite. repeat until you've spiral-noshed the whole thing
OP asked what's the most incorrect way to eat a pizza. That's the canonical method, authentic from Italy
Uncut, center out from the bottom.
Or
Roll into a cone, bite out the center from the bottom, suck the toppings and sauce through the bottom like a waffle cone, discard the crust.
Nah, roll it into a cone with the topings on the outside and try to suck the crust though the topings.
Please do that in the line to vote, so people feel more confident in how competent the electorate is.
Dammit. Now I gotta do this to fuck with my kid
It's good to build distrust and topics of discussion for therapy as early as possible.
This awful video I saw where someone put pizza in a blender and turned it into a casserole
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Eat the crust, leave the rest.
Turned into a slurry and then administered as an enema.
Pizza Slurry Enema
nice band name
Eat it in reverse so it is expelled from the mouth after the journey though the body
Burnt to a charcoal crisp.
Upside down
Inject it straight into a vein
Folded over so the cheese is on the outside then held with ham fists.
Better yet, Chicago style, but folded over so the sauce is on the outside and then eaten no hands like a pie contest
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