Early on, when I wasn't out to people, but wanted to start exploring presentation, I would buy button up blouses and pants etc that I could wear to work. Shaped for women, but read as androgynous with a slightly feminine lean by most folk.
this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2023
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Any suggestions on brand or style or anything? I have tried on some my parter got and I loved the fit, but was afraid they were too obvious. The back pockets seemed too small for my size and awkward. But holy shit they basically looked like colored jeans but way more stretchy and so comfy! I really feel like they weren't far off from the stretchy Jean like pants I got from the men's section.
I'm in Australia, and initially, I just went in to a Kmart here (which as a I understand it, is not the same as Kmart in the US) and bought cheap things from the women's section that looked androgynous.
but was afraid they were too obvious.
It depends what you mean by obvious. Some people will notice the person they assume to be a guy, who is wearing skinny jeans with small pockets but they won't understand what they're seeing, and generally, they won't care.
Yeah the US Kmart isn't a thing anymore. That totally makes sense that other people may not notice, but I guess my fear is that someone will blatantly ask "are you wearing women's pants?" and I'll have an obvious embarrassed reaction. I just want to be invisible. But how tf do you invisibly transfer?
You don't transition invisibly unfortunately. What you can do though is do it at your own pace, one step at a time, only taking the next step when you're ready.
my fear is that someone will blatantly ask “are you wearing women’s pants?”
You head this off by doing what I said above. One step at a time until you're ready for the next step :)
Wear something that you don't think will trigger that reaction in people. And when you get comfortable with how people react and what they say, you can change what you do, and maybe take another step.
That obviously makes sense, that it can't be invisible. Doesn't mean my autistic ass wants to understand 😕
One of my problems is having realistic expectations of what is noticeable or not. (probably autism again) I definitely overthink things.
I have secret polished toes, and while it's not quite the shade I want, I still do love it!
That's when you pull the "why does my ass look big in these jeans" troupe haha...
Sorry, I'm joking but only kinda. At some point you'll get both compliments and accusations about the clothes you wear. Just try and enjoy the former and brush off the later. I do attempt to use humor a lot to deflect. It has the added effect of getting under bigots skin too. Got to choose your battles either way.
That's a great one! I'm usually fairly decent at coming up with stuff like that... 2 hours later 😂
Thanks for the funny/difficult truth advice.
I've taken to just thanking them as well. Like overly flattered "thank you so much for noticing hun" kind of thing. It makes me laugh and often sets the mood of the interaction to a positive. Sometimes people are just not aware of how they sound but then once you reply bubbly they often react with a smile. I do live in a rather accepting area though so, grain of salt and all that.
That is a nice way of looking at it. I'm in an accepting enough area, but the state is not, so there is a good mix of those who couldn't care less, and those that think you shouldn't exist.
So, a favorite of mine is https://www.longtallsally.com/tops/shirts-blouses/c?f=t&sortby=pricelow
So, I've found that V neck twill stuff in the right colors (green, dark blue, black) and "boyfriend shirts" help lean andro-fem, especially with jeans. In most areas, your average skinny jeans will go unnoticed unless embroidered with a fem design.
The reason I link the site is because if you're on the taller side, a lot of standard sizes will fall short on the arms, in an awkward way.
Eyeliner, depending on area can be seen as middle of the road, especially if your general fashion leans into the emo/scene/goth aesthetic.
Jewelry helps, no need to start big, decorative bracelets of all sorts of fandoms, interests, and styles are out there, and generally inexpensive.
Those are nice. I'm around average male height or slightly on the tall side, but it's mostly torso, so that would probably be a perfect site.
A lot of those do look like something that may not stick out too much.
Pants! Apart from the pockets (or lack thereof), women's pants are so good. They're tighter, higher, and are really good at emphasizing your hips and various curves. They're also pretty low key, so they don't look out of place on an otherwise masc outfit. I'd say the biggest thing to be wary of is the crotch space, though. Since women's pants have less room down there, your bulge looks bigger if you don't tuck. You should be fine if you tuck or cover it up with a shirt though (as long as it's not windy). I have a decent amount of bottom dysphoria so that kind of thing matters to me, but it might not to you.
That said, I might be a bit biased towards pants because I wasn't able to get my first pair of women's pants until after months of wearing exclusively skirts, so I was really happy to get my first pair of women's pants lol.
Edit: Painting nails is also really good! It's just a nice reminder of your identity (in a good way) every time you look at your hands.
I love rocking some early 2000's bellbottom jeans with a regular boys/men's t-shirt... accessorize with some breach/skater bracelets and a necklace and I feel right at home. I will admit a nice girl hairstyle did more for my self-esteem than the clothes I chose.
Second the nail painting... even badly done, as I'm terrible still at doing it, fells great.
It really depends on your age, and where you are going to wear the clothes. There are plenty of low-key women's clothes. T-shirts, sweatpants, shorts, sneakers, jackets. If you get something in a dark color it is unlikely that anyone will be able to tell that you are wearing a piece of women's clothing. The trick is figuring out your size. Every brand is different, but I generally go one size up (Small to medium, for example) for upper body items and one size down (Small to extra Small, for example) for lower body items. Two sizes up for shoes (10 to 12, for example)
I will have to note your role of thumb on sizing, thanks! I definitely can't size down on bottoms. I have pretty thicc legs. Interesting you say size down on shoes, I thought same number sizes were smaller for women?
I would love for something for work, even as small as cheapish jewelry, but could be slightly braver other than that. Probably not a lot, but I can dream!
You are right, I had it mixed up. I meant to say two sizes up for shoes. I went from size 8 in men's to 10 in women's (US Size).
I neeeeeed this thread. One item that has worked well for me is the female tank top. It can be a subtle change.
Are you talking layering? Any examples? Fem clothing can be overwhelming with variation in stuff called the same thing 😅
Or, I just don't know the right terms and over generalize 🤷♀️
Right now it's 75° farenheit everyday so no, I'm not layering haha. I usually wear a tank tee and shorts with a belt and sneakers, it's not unfit for a male but it's been a step towards femininity.
I feel ya on the overwhelm. I own plenty of fem items that I love but don't really work into my wardrobe at all or actually don't fit my body type. So my best luck has been in the basics. Shorts, tank tops from old navy. Plain t-shirt dresses and "boy fit" panties from hanes. I play with the height of my socks a lot, wearing calf socks, and hiking socks. This makes me stand out, and isn't like more feminine but rather more fun.
75°! 🤣 It just recently got back below that at night where I am. Last week was basically 100 every day and 80 every night!
I see what you mean the tank tee, and the T shirt dress! I've been considering stuff like the dress, but more of sleep shirts(not sure how different they really are). Some comfy loungey stuff. I do have a satiny sleep shirt that is currently probably my favorite piece of clothing, also I guess happens to be my first/only one. I did intend on doing the Unix socks thing 😂 but they didn't fit. "one size" definitely doesn't "fit all" and that's what most seemed to be. I did find a place called something like "dream socks" that has better sizing, but haven't gotten around to it yet.
Yes! Yeah the sleep shirts thing is the exact same. Very comfy and loungey.
I too have to buy plus size socks. I ended up buying Skater Tube Socks from... Bontrager? Found them on Amazon. And I buy calf-high dress socks for men since they are just in mainstream style, yet flambouyant as fuck. Love it. I also have some very vibrant plus-size leggings from Hue that I have worn under shorts before.
Oh yeah and I like to wear leather shoes, especially these slip-on oxfords and loafers. They are so feminine. Made for men, though.
You know, I hadn't noticed so many "feminine" "men's" things before, I'm definitely going to be looking for it now! An then I'm going to remember Franzia! 🤣
Omg yay! I hope our collective community knowledge saves you some time, and of course we are all happy to share more tips and tricks about the journey if needed.