LGBTQ+

AMAB here. When I entered HS, I met one person in particular who I was super drawn to. It's hard to talk about now because when I met her, she hadn't transitioned and wasn't out as a girl to anyone, maybe not even herself. She became my best friend, to the point where I entered the IT shop (it was a trade school) mostly because she was there. I could tell that she was struggling mentally (note to self: untangle attraction to mentally vulnerable people, it's shitty) and tried to keep her sane among a crowd that recognized how uncomfortable she was and harassed her for it.

She trusted me enough to show me some anonymous online accounts she had (furry, and most definitely queer, egg still not hatched) despite seeming ashamed about it. I grew up in a Christian cult (Jehovah's Witnesses) and I got super messed up over the idea that as far as we were concerned, God hated her. It bothered me so much.

It took some funny feelings on a mat in Gym class and a whole lot of processing on the bus ride home for me to be like OH, SHIT. I'M CRUSHING SO DAMN HARD AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT. (This was my third year of HS. That's how long it took.)

Queue "oh God hates me as well, actually", feeling shame just looking at men I now realized I found attractive. What a great few years that was. I decided to ask her if she'd go to the prom with me, didn't go anywhere. She distanced herself after that. That started making more sense when she finally came out as trans (jokingly calling herself "the artist formerly known as [deadname]) riiight before we graduated.