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How to stop "Fall in love" so easily? (lemmy.world)

submitted 5 hours ago by NONE_dc@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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(It's weird to call it "falling in love", because it's more like a childish and annoying infatuation, but anyway...)

I'm already terrible at socializing, but it's especially difficult for me to create genuine friendships with women because I can't help thinking of them as "possible future partners" (or some bullshit like that) and feel "jealous" when I see them talking to other men. It's stupid, a really stupid and annoying felling.

I know there is something in me that I need to change, but I don't know what, and I need some assistance.

I would like to feel more comfortable with my singleness and reserve my feelings for someone who can really reciprocate, while forging more non-romantic relationships with other people.

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[–] pebbles@sh.itjust.works 12 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Disclaimer: people are complicated. I sorta have to project to answer and I dont know exactly what causes your jealousy.

I used to get a lot more jealous. I used to think that I was the right partner for someone and that they were making a mistake by being with someone else. I kinda justified it with this half baked empathy that wanted the girl to be happy, but didn't accept her as an intelligent person that can navigate and choose a partner for herself.

My jealousy was rooted in a bit of a superiority complex. I needed to accept that there are a lot of good people out there just trying to find a partner. That I'm not better than them.

I think it is fine to have feelings for a girl, its also fine to be disappointed when they don't reciprocate. No need to try and not feel those feelings. I think it is a big ask to try and control our romantic attraction, but we can manage how we respond to it.

Though again, what if I'm wrong and maybe this stems from an attachment issue yk? I'm over here projecting. Hope this helps anyways.

[–] NONE_dc@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago

It does helps! Maybe there's a bit of ego in my way of seeing things.

And as you said, People are complex, it's true, it's difficult to understand ourselves. That's why it's good to share experiences with others in order to find inner answers. Thanks for sharing!