Asklemmy

I have been bisected by a table

I am now sitting in a different chair at the same table. I continue browsing Lemmy on my phone.

I am one with my bookshelves. Unfortunately the Steam Deck hasn't fared well.

I would be spooning my dog who is on the other end of the couch. If this was a competition I’d submit my outcome for winner or at least most wholesome. Some of y’all’s are definitely more funny though.

I'm european, so it doesn't affect me at all.

I might be stuck in the floor since I'm laying on a mattress on my left side.

Ow!

I would be rather sad since I would be sitting next ro my chair on the floor instead of un my chair. My coffee would also be out of reach. I would be sad.

If this involves some kind of adjustment of orientation, then I will be doing an early Father Christmas act and coming down from where I have appeared halfway up the chimney (being generous about how wide that chimney is). If it doesn't, then I am going to be part of the brickwork - except for my guts and arse, which will rot in place in the chimney over the next few weeks.

I live in the wall now.

My ass is now on the ground instead of a chair, ow

I've merged into my bed and finally have an excuse to not get off of it.

My left arm is now part of the wall, so at least I didn't die outright.

I have either bisected the wall, or the wall has bisected me.

I'm still on the couch, slightly further away from my wife.

My husband is very happy, but he also dies (in his video game)

I'm taking a shit in my bathroom cabinet now.

My cat Ralph is not gonna be happy about that.

Fuck, I'm merged with the side of the sofa, and my cat's ass sticks out of my chest. I don't care already though, she mixed with my heart and lungs.

I'm now outside the train going 200km/h and have a nice, hard and long fall in half a second to look forward to.

Whose left? If I'm lying on my left side do I go straight down?

I die because I get teleported into the earth's air which mixes into all my muscles and bones and organs, destroying most of my cells, stopping my heart due to blood bubbles in my heart if I don't instantly die from that, while a vacuum 2ft next to me implodes.

I find myself sitting inside the end table next to the sofa, instantly destroying it along with a lamp a ukulele, and several glasses I haven't taken to the sink yet

Stuck in concrete wall / window T_T

I am now sitting on the laptop my company gave for work, most likely breaking it. Which is unfortunate, but I can probably just request another.

I'm pooping. Two feet to my left is a wall. I'd be inside the wall D:

i telefrag my partner, killing her instantly

not a good way to greet the day, admittedly

I die with my body stuck in the foundation. Now my house is gonna be all stinky >:(

Inside a decorated Christmas tree. Maybe I can blame the cat for all the glass bulbs I'd break?

I instantly swapped chair in the dining room.

I am in the vacuum of space.

I am inside a refrigerator. Not so great

I have a bag of Skippy Peanut Butter Balls lodged in my ass. If I move they won't be there any more ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

i'm now in the stall someone else is shitting in

I am now dead as ive been instagibbed by a wall. Pretty good overall

I am now a propane stove/human hybrid.

15 stories high in the air over a concrete street.

Dead. I'm laying on my left side.