A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
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Congratulations!!!! It’s a long and difficult journey of self discovery, but the pay off in the end is amazing.
One word of advice that took me years to realize but really changed everything once I did … Do whatever it takes to feel good about YOU and do not let the outside forces influence or discourage you. YOU need to do what makes YOU happy and it’s no one else’s fucking business.
💯 This!
Another way I've heard it phrased was that at the end of the day, you're the only one that has to live in your body. You're the only one that has to live your life full time.
Thank you! I'm fighting with the thoughts of not being pretty enough to do any meaningful changes? But I think a lot of that is coming from what I see in the mirror currently. He feels so lost and hollow and I don't see "me" yet. I don't even know what I look like
This is exactly how many others have described it. Don't judge yourself harshly before you've begun, sweetie. None of us started in an "ideal" place. Take care!
Thank you ❤️
It's such a bizarre feeling. Thinking you're seeing yourself in the mirror your entire life and then realizing that the real you is buried.
I see a glimmer of my true self in my eyes now. I already look lighter if that makes sense. More happy. Just by working on my self acceptance.
I started my journey, for real this time, last month. I had never grined so hard in my entire life. It feels so freeing and refreshing to be my true self. I walk around in opposite-gendered, than my outer shell, clothing and I never saw anyone to roll their eyes or look at me with disgust. Most are just busy with themselves.
I also started using hair removal gel on my arms (I have very dense and dark colored hair) and they feel so smooth and right. I love it!
You can scream, yell, and feel pretty. All of that is valid. And you are valid!
So let me say: welcome! I'm Yuna :)
I've been wanting to do some hair removal, but I've got this pre-planned trip to Texas coming up so... Don't really want to make any noticeable changes before that. But definitely this winter when I can experiment undetected under long clothing 😁💯
I've not gone out full fem, but I'm pretty sure I would get looks. I have went out a couple times in polish and for the most part, I don't think anyone acted like they noticed. One time I was an anxious wreck though, hiding my hands half the day.
But definitely this winter when I can experiment undetected under long clothing
One time I was an anxious wreck though, hiding my hands half the day.
That's totally fine. We got lots of internalised trans-"phobia" (its not a phobia, they are just assholes!) to deal with and getting over that takes time.
I think I'm undoing lots of internalized stuff. Slowly making progress though!
That does make me feel better about it, but going from an area that is fairly accepting, traveling through the middle of nowhere to an area that I don't know how friendly it is. I don't want to draw any odd attention to myself.
100%! The internalised transphobia isn't being afraid of being trans, it's being afraid of people reacting to us being trans
I look forward to hearing how your hair removal experiment goes :)
Hi Yuna! Thanks for the welcome :) girl, do I relate to the hair stuff. My wife actually recommended I try nair because I have hair everywhere and I feel like a ball of gross. Gonna take the time tonight to shave everything (something I played with around my teenage years but my inner voice said it was "too girly" so I stopped)
I'm looking forward to feeling smooth and soft. It's going to be the first thing I change/explore.
Really happy to hear nobody seemed "offended" by you being your true self. That's gonna be a hard one for me I think. I have some friends who I know would support and understand. But probably not my family and my workplace is very macho (I'm in the finance sector, so think wolf of Wall Street) and I don't think I could ever be brave enough there.
I keep telling my wife and my self that I have just wanted to feel pretty for so long. And now I realize I can feel pretty. It's not too girly because damn it I'm girly!
(something I played with around my teenage years but my inner voice said it was “too girly” so I stopped)
Oh i can relate so much with that! In my Egg time before "now" I always had some phases were I longed for the girly stuff. But dismissed it as a phase, and because i'm a man gods damn it! Like one time on a ren festival wearing a long flowy maxi skirt and a wig, because thats totally just a costume, right :D
But probably not my family and my workplace is very macho
Family... yeah... I'm getting anxious just thinking about coming out to my dad and mother. My siblings were totally chill. And Workplace... I hope your country has some checks in place against discrimination.
And now I realize I can feel pretty. It’s not too girly because damn it I’m girly!
Heck yeah! Show them who's boss! Because that's you, sister!
Same! I have been counting all the times I shut myself down when I was getting a little too comfortable with my true self.
Finger nail polish was fun until a teacher yelled at me for being a distraction.
Shaving my arms and legs was fun until I realized how nice it made me feel.
Watching my mom put on makeup and wanting to try it until she started asking if I was gay. (I mean yes, but not in the way you think mom 😏)
How did you tell your wife? I think I'm in a similar spot, really feel ya regarding being hit with a truck if emotions, but I've no idea how to tell my wife (Technically just gf but of 11 years - starting to understand why I've never had a desire to pop the question )
I realized I needed to text her that I had something I wanted to bring up about myself. Nothing I thought was bad or anything but told her I needed to text her to keep from chickening out.
So when we were able to talk, I broke down into tears and said "I think I might be trans"
And in an effort to save our marriage and family I needed to be 100% honest with her about my feelings and I needed that in return from her. Even if that means she was struggling to cope.
Again, we have been talking about it from when we wake up to when we go to sleep. Recontextualizing our entire relationship (been together for 15+ years and have a 15mo)
I have found it really affirming to hear her bring up some instances and behaviors in the past that now make total sense to her. I haven't felt this close to her in years and she's willing to support me even though the future for us is kind of uncertain.
She told me this morning I was practically glowing and she could see this massive weight lifted off of me. She told me she missed me so much and is glad to have me back.
I can't say that is how your partner will react and it's still not smooth sailing but keeping the communication going is crucial.
Good luck friend! I'm rooting for you and am here if you wanna talk. I'm new to all of this myself, but I hate the feeling of not knowing who I could talk to in my life about these things.
Your story sounds similar to mine. I was still struggling with the labels so all I could say was "not cis" but that's a difficult thing to tell someone you've been in a relationship with for 10+years "hey.... I might not be who we thought I was" 😅
I'm happy to hear she is accepting and working through it with you. Mine kind of had a crisis of her own trying to reconcile her side of feelings but is supportive and seems more confident in our relationship now, which is awesome. It's definitely not easy but the help is awesome!
My therapist told me at one point "you haven't shown this much personality before" and I think I've seen her in and off a couple years now 😅 although, I got an antidepressant combo that may have helped that, and also probably allowed me enough mental bandwidth to realize I was an egg too!
Also, out of curiosity, did you also spend too much time in egg_irl? 😂
Girl, I spent time on egg_irl back when I thought i was some sort of open minded cis man. Thinking the memes were hilarious for "some reason"
Even showed some memes to my wife because they're "funny" but I "definitely wasn't trans because of course not!"
It went from idle curiosity - to being "a good ally" by better understanding the trans community - to "oh fuck this is me?"
I remember feeling so sure I wasn't trans and the memes were just quality content 😆
I know hindsight is 20/20, but damn I was blind to sooo many signs through my whole life.
Yeah that sounds similar to me 😂 at a point it was like "why are these so funny? Are they relatable?" and then remembered "you remember when you used to enjoy all the adhd memes and then found out why? Yeah.." 😅 then identity crisis for a few weeks.
Damn it, same thing happened to me! Was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 20s after realizing the memes were getting a little too real 😅
Really appreciated you sharing that. Thank you. Xx
:D ayyoooo! congrats girlie!! I'm glad that your wife is taking well to it, too, it's definitely easier knowing you got someone who understands on your side of the ring.
It can be hard sometimes, people can be ruthless, but it always feels like it's worth it. You is a bad bitch, you got this hon!!
Thank you so much for the support ❤️
Whatever happens, you can be sure you'll inspire someone
Congrats girl, welcome to the club!! I know you're super jazzed right now and want everything to happen all at once, but I'd recommend you take your time with it and try to enjoy the process. It happens so quickly, and also painfully slow at times.
Also, because the changes are gradual since you see yourself in the mirror every day, you might not notice how far you've come until one day you look in the mirror and there's a woman looking back at you. It's an amazing feeling!! For the more gradual stuff taking lots of pictures can help you notice those and keep your spirits up that progress is being made.
Thank you! I'm definitely trying to keep from getting ahead of myself. I'm wanting to make small changes and just try and enjoy my exploration. It's been less than a week since I started my self acceptance journey, but I already feel so much lighter and happier. I'm starting to actually like myself for the first time in my life. Just by embracing all of this.
It can be overwhelming at times though. Especially when I'm tired. It almost feels like I'm crawling back into my shell because it's "comfortable". Not sure if that makes sense but something I've started to notice.
4 years on hrt woman here with a partner of 20 years. Congrats on coming out and communicating. It's not easy taking that first step, especially with all the 'what its'. Do you have any funny stories about what happened when you came out?
That is wonderful! Congrats on your journey as well!
No funny stories that I can think of at the moment. I've only come out to my wife so far - and right now that feels good for me. I'm terrified of any one else's reaction 😬
Although looking back at my life has been a bit comical. Countless red flags that were screaming at me to take a deeper look at myself. Hell, I was subscribed to egg_irl for months before even considering the fact that I found the memes so funny because they were relatable, lol. I just thought our community was hilarious 🤣
Congrats! I'm super proud of you and everyone who is discovering and coming to terms with themselves!
There are a lot of skills that we who are AMAB tend not to develop due to societal gender norms, etc. I'm a bit envious of your getting to learn and experience some of those things as I'm cis and more "rugged and hairy" than pretty. I hope you have a lot of fun with all of the new things!
I have a sibling going through similar and it's really exciting to see them going moving forward on this journey.
That is so fantastic that you are supportive of your sibling and what they are going through. The world needs more people that are loving and supportive!
And thanks! I keep chickening out on shaving, but I'm doing it tonight! I'm really looking forward to feeling more like myself.
No need to be envious, we can be shaving pals 😁 if that feels like something you may enjoy, why not explore it? It's temporary and easy to cover up :) just a thought.
Thank you for the kind words!
The world needs more people that are loving and supportive!
I absolutely agree. Love might but be all that the world needs but, I think that it is something that has been sorely lacking in recent years, with intentional, concerted efforts to divide and "other" people. Nothing more rebellious or "punk rock" in modern times than showing our fellow human beings love, support, and acceptance.
If you're ever feeling a lack of love, support, or acceptance, feel free to reach out. I've got plenty to go around and am inclined to share ;)
Thank you for the thoughts as well! I love my hairy self (and feel that I look far too young when I shave), it's more the experience of discovering the "new" that I envy; figuring out ways to feel more like your feminine self, learning to do makeup properly (if you're so inclined), figuring out clothes and fashions that you enjoy and find flattering, etc. I'm excited for you for getting to experience that.
If you don't yet know how to sew and alter clothing (something that I think EVERY adult should learn, TBH), I might suggest either learning via YouTube or even taking a class, especially, if like me, you enjoy costumes. Being able to do even basic sewing can unlock so much in the way of comfort, functionality, and fit.
And I'm realize that my ADHD meds have kicked in and I'm rambling a bit (sorry about that!). Keep rocking!
Thank you for all of the support and tips! I hadn't even considered sewing, but that's a really good idea! Definitely going to look into it.
Glad to know there are so many people out there willing to share their acceptance and support for me and women like me ❤️
Also, I have ADHD too so definitely get the same talkative tendencies when my meds kick in 😂
I semi-recently cracked too, I'd definitely recommend going for the full shave, it was super weird at first but then I loved it. Decided to let it all grow back so I could objectively compare and I'm 100% going to get rid of it again.
Another note, if you can I'd definitely recommend speaking to a specialist, I had a lot of trouble coming to terms and accepting such a big change and speaking to a therapist super helped me accept it.
Update on shaving, I finally did it and kinda went all the way. Shaved the usual bits but also my hands, feet, back and butt, lol. I feel so lovely ❤️
I've actually been in therapy for a couple years and plan on telling my therapist tomorrow during our session :)
Glad to hear therapy helped so much! I hope it will also help me come to terms with all the change because it really feels like a lot.
Oh boy it does, I kind of cracked last year, but it was too scary so I repressed it and told myself I was NB instead. I want to shave my butt but my skin is sensitive and doesn't like razor shaving, and anything less than smoothness down there is extremely itchy. It's scary, but also exciting, because I don't know what kind of woman I'll be... Mostly scary now that I think about it, I've got an appointment next month with a makeover artist who specialises in MTF transformations, in hoping seeing myself like that will give me the burst of euphoria I need to see this through.
Oh honey, I'm right there with you with the sensitive skin. I have so much razor burn everywhere. I definitely didn't do it right. Gonna try nair next time as I've had good results in the past. Well mostly.
One time I did my bikini area. And I mean everything and when it was time to take it off, I realized I missed a few spots so I felt the sensible thing was to just go ahead and put it on again right after... Oh my god the pain was intense on my most sensitive areas. Then had another bright idea to quickly wipe it off and add aloe vera gel to help with the burning sensation. Fell to the ground grasping my bits because it was so terribly painful. 😂 so don't make that mistake.
There's a saying about beauty being painful right? Well. I definitely have the pain part down 😂
I had no idea that there were make up artists like that! I live in rural Indiana (yikes) so not much in the way of gender affirming services around me but I really hope that goes well for you!
If you'd like to talk to a new gal like me about some of these new feelings, I'm here ❤️ just try and focus on small changes that make you happy. Listen to that beautiful woman inside of you and you'll find happiness :)
I've just painted my nails, atm it feels like I've just got stuff over my hands because of the messy job I've done 😂 gonna tidy up the skin with some remover, but I already feel prettier
I'm so proud of you! Keep chasing that feeling of "pretty" because it will help you find happiness. At least that is what I am learning. ❤️ You have my support and love!
If you don't mind me asking, how did you end up cracking your egg?
Well, first I got out a bowl and a whisk . . .
I've had a rough day but this really made me laugh. Thank you!
<3
Good question. Been in therapy for the upteenth time for depression and anxiety. Also recently had a son and immediately went into a mental breakdown. Addiction and trust issues (my fault) in my marriage also was weighing on me heavily. Worked through a lot of childhood trauma that was unrelated (as far as I can remember) and felt like there was still something at my core that I still hated about myself?
Never felt like I could actually love myself or even care about myself. Even when my wife was begging for me to talk to her about how I was feeling. I felt like I was expressing my feelings to her,but they never matched up to reality. She knew there was more to it before I did. I just thought life was about being miserable.
Got to a point where I accepted the fact that I was going to die young and the best version of me was to give my all to my family while I could. I burned myself to the ground trying to be an "ideal man" for my family and just thought I wasn't good enough to be alive.
I've never felt like I could be genuinely happy with myself.
Now I realize it's because I'm not supposed to be a man. I just wish I realized that as a teenager when i was experimenting and not a decade later with serious self destructive qualities.
So all of that boiled to a head as I was scrolling through egg_irl and laughing at the memes and then realized "fuck, this is me isn't it?"
Then I googled the big looming question.
How do I know if I'm trans?
https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/confirm.htm
There are versions for the other kinds of trans, as well. This site got me started. Also scroll down and keep scrolling down, it's not just the button.
Oh, I've known I'm trans for a little while now, I just like hearing other people's stories about how they came out to themselves :)