Ask Lemmy

Up until quite late in my teens I often felt that I would make friends with people that had similar interests.

I started going to more rock and metal gigs, and bars that played the same music. I'd also talk to people that were into the same games as me, and engaged them in a friendly manner since, you know, we like the same stuff - we should be friends, right?

It was a shock to the ol' belief system that someone that likes the same bands you like might also be a huge cunt, or that dude that likes the same anime as you is also really fucking racist. I found all that out in one night after talking to two dudes that had a Thrice shirt and one dude that mentioned he was a huge DBZ fan. I found myself growing closer to people that didn't necessarily like the same stuff I did, and my closest friends like a varied range of music, sports, and shows. That realisation allowed me to stop changing myself for others, to stop gravitating towards people that simply like things I like, and to just be open and friendly to everyone.

I was a altar boy in my teens. One time in winter we had to attend a funeral. First we were in church, so I put on the white rope stuff during the mass. But then we had to go out to the graveyard for like half an hour more and stand there in the cold.

I told the priest that I would just quickly put on the jacket underneath because it was freezing outside. But he forbid in and said I should have thought of it before the mass and had it on under the ropes in church all the time because now there is no time for that. He forced us out without jackets into the freezing cold.

Right there I started thinking what kind of a priest do we have who cares more about dead people and make it convenient for them instead of the living. And if the priest represents god here in our community because he talks to him and can forgive our sins in his name and so on, then this is also gods will. So what king of a God am I worshiping here?

Anyway, I think that was the start of me stopping believing in God. I stopped being an altar boy, later stopped going to church and started actively researching those deeper questions around organized religion and god. Over time it led me to became an atheist who hasn't seen any evidence for existence of any god.

I was a plaintiff in a civil lawsuit against a huge company. It was so rigged. The judge had overseen the class action lawsuit that we opted out of and acted like we were ungrateful little shits. But never in front of the jury; in front of the jury, he was all perfect law and order. But when they weren’t there, he was so obviously biased. I lost basically all faith in our justice system (USA). And I only had money on the line; for someone in a criminal case, it would be sooo much worse.

My very best friend in the whole world mentioned a trans person, shook his head, and remarks that "we need a purge".

I really, truly thought that different ideologies could get along until then. With that comment, I realized that, no, I cannot get along with an ideology that believes that marginalized groups "should not exist". Because, deep down, a belief for their "non-existence" is a belief for their death. And I now refuse to have friends who believe things like that.

Civility is compliance. I kicked him out of my house, my final words to him, as he angrily screamed at me, being "bye, bitch, bye!" It hurt me so badly to lose my closest friend that day, but my life really did improve after that. Now he might actually have to pay for the therapy he so desperately needs. God knows, he won't, because he believes that "mental health excuses are just pussy shit", but considering he's howling that no one has wanted to fuck him for the last x amount of years shows that his anger and bitterness are still holding him back. He's insufferable.

Fuck any belief that punches down. Y'all deserve to exist peacefully and not be fucking bothered by dickheads about how you live your life.

leaving my home country for the first time.

all the "immutable facts of life" are a plane ticket way from becoming weird rituals or disagreeable foreign affairs.

(Edit: I was caught by the grammar police, for my heinous crimes.)

I had my coming of age when going to college abroad. Oh what a time that was.

1. Going to Amsterdam, and seeing how unconditionally nice and supportive people can be. Even if something is obviously your fault, nobody will ever give you shit for it and will actually help you.
2. The absolutely pointless full scale war in Ukraine starting, shattering the "age of unprecedented peace" propaganda I was fed since birth. Especially once I started educating my self about all the wars that took place in this age.
3. Visiting my American (now ex) friends. Realizing that yes, Americans really are that uneducated and spiteful. Wanting others to suffer, way more than wanting to be happy them selves. And today, the 2024 election cemented those feelings.

2016 and the yeas since, but especially the US presidential election that just happened, have absolutely destroyed my faith in the people of my country.

Always figured the govt was fucked, but that the average Joe had a shred of good in him. After the bullshit of the 2016 election, the 4 disastrous years after, and the 4 years following of nonstop Nazi rhetoric from Trump... 74 million of my neighbors decided he's the guy who represents them; and another 90 million or so decided not to lift a fucking finger to intervene.

No. Good people are a minority. I'm surrounded by hateful bigots who will go as far impairing their own quality of life if it means they can can harm others by doing so. This country and the majority of its inhabitants are evil. We deserve what's coming.

Normally you need to put a coin in shopping trollies around here to take them out. When you properly return them you get the coin back. It's not a lot of money, usually 50 cents. And if you don't happen to have a coin on hand most shops will give you a key chain with a properly sized round bit of metal. It being so common, most people have one of those key chains anyways. I'd always thought it was a fine system, but people were pretty decent anyways.

Then during corona because of hygiene reasons shops could only reopen if they cleaned the trollies after every use and that meant not using the coin system. Later the cleaning part was delegated to customers using facilities from the shop and then got rid of entirely. But the coin system wasn't put back due to hygiene.

To my surprise people would just dump the trollies everywhere. They would not care one bit where they put them. Some people put them away neatly, some just shove them sort of in the right place. Others would just leave them on the parking lot or shove them aside to end up in a ditch.

As soon as possible the coin system was put back into place. Later some shops got rid of it again, because it's easier for customers. But only in select places where people are decent I guess, or the shop puts in the effort to monitor and handle the carts. You would think it'd be the crowded inner city parts where the coin system was needed. But near me in a rich part of town they use the coin system because rich folk just leave the carts in the parking lot, feeling like putting it back is beneath them or something. In a more crowded normal part of town one shop I go to doesn't use the coin system and I'm surprised every time. The carts there are always perfectly placed. Although that shop has an issue with people using the disabled parking spaces if they need to run in and out quickly, which is a terrible thing to do.

This whole experience changed my view of humanity. I used to think almost all or at least most people were decent. Trying to do the right thing, with only a few assholes spoiling stuff for the rest of us. It showed me that a tiny little coin, not really worth anything is all that stands between a functioning neat system and total chaos. And it's not just a couple of people, it's more like half of them. A lot of people are lazy and inconsiderate, caring only about themselves. If it costs them money, no matter how little, they will do what's required (because money is everything in this fucked up capitalist world). But if it doesn't cost them money, they will just do whatever and not care.

This experience, along with many other during the past 10 years have spoiled my view on humanity. I tend to assume everyone is a total asshole in some way or another, which is honestly kind of a sad way to live. So I make an active effort to give people the benefit of the doubt, but it can be hard and a lot of people shortly prove they are indeed assholes.

The pandemic and seeing just how much my fellow Americans truly do not care about the lives or well-being of others.

Different people in different places.

If you never leave your hometown, you're keeping your brain in a baby crèche for the rest of your life.

It's much easier to understand how the world works if you've seen it yourself

I have been exposed to hospitals as a guy who worked on their software, as a friend to a doctor, and as the relative of a patient. What I have seen is that hospital staff are generally well intentioned but extremely overworked, to the point that they can overlook obvious signs of a life-threatening illness. You can't just assume that if you're in a hospital then you'll be taken care of. The doctor can be too busy to pay attention to you or too tired to think clearly about your condition. The doctor might even just forget that you're there. You have to make sure that you're getting a doctor's attention, even if that means acting in a way that makes you feel like an entitled jerk.

My grandmother went to the hospital a couple of years ago because every few hours her heart would stop for several seconds. After she was in the emergency room for a day without receiving any treatment, some hospital employee came and wanted to discharge her. She and I refused so she ended up in a hospital bed for a couple of days, still with no treatment. Finally my sister came from another state, and my sister is less shy than I am. She actually found the cardiologist and made sure he looked at my grandmother's condition. Once he did, he immediately sent her to surgery. She had a pacemaker put in and recovered.

(In case anyone is curious, my grandma says that when her heart stopped for long enough that she lost consciousness, she felt a wave of heat go through her body, her vision faded to black, and then she passed out. It didn't hurt. In her case, her heart started again on its own but I suppose that for someone less fortunate, that would have been what it felt like to die.)

Visiting ground zero of Hiroshima and then visiting pearl harbour. Super different vibes. Note: the aftertaste of visiting pearl harbour and their attitude towards war in general felt just so wrong. Hiroshima gave a definite sense of war is very wrong, and PH was just like “we’re not done yet”. It was ick.

Psylocybin

When I told my Rabbi that I'm not interested in dating or marriage he screamed at me for an hour and told me I deserve to die. From that point forward I realized that you can never make religious leaders happy, they will always take until you have nothing left to give. So I stopped giving a damn and I still don't.

Working in food service, or being a manager. Both gave me very strong perspective for people in those situations and it would be impossible for me to go back to who I was before I understood these circumstances.

Working for money

I got older.