This is easy. Whoever's doing the cooking does it their own way. If you don't like it, then you do the cooking so it can be done your way.
this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2024
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You are two separate people, so you can do two separate things.
Yay freedom.
You enjoy cooking, she doesn't. You can cook from scratch, she can heat up the frozen stuff. I don't see why this is cause for an argument.
Yeah, I personally despise cooking. I'll do anything to get my meal the quickest and with the least amount of effort and mess possible. I don't see the big deal. If people want to cook from scratch, go ahead. I'm just not going to be the one to do it. Why does it matter if one person prefers to cook one way and one person prefers the other?
Edit: If it's specifically pancake mix that OP's wife prefers, maybe there is something about the flavor that she likes better with it. My brother also weirdly prefers instant mashed potatoes over homemade...even if he is not the person making them. With certain things, some people just have a preference it seems.
She will insist on the mixes.
As in when you cook she wants you to use the premade stuff? Why?
Nostalgia for what her mother used to make.
Yo man, that's a legit resson for her to prefer one type of cooking over another
NGL man, you're coming across as Defensive Internet Man on this. You two "argue frequently" about this, she "seems to think" mixes are the way to go when it sounds like it's really only pancake mix that's hanging you up and you know perfectly well why she likes pancake mix over scratch. She "tried to pull" nostalgia on you as if missing her deceased mother is a trick she's playing on you.
Amateur advice from someone with no special related experience: any time someone says they like a Thing because it reminds them of Close Dead Relative, maybe just take their word for it and let them be.
Edit: and apparently she's doing the grocery shopping. I'm starting to wonder who plans the menu throughout the week and how these disagreements are playing out from the spouse's perspective.
Yeah maybe she might be a little overreaching there? Forcing someone to always make (and eat) the thing you prefer is not a healthy relationship. Time to compromise.
With OPs tendency to trickle in less flattering details only after 2-3 comments in, I'm skeptical she's "forcing" him to do anything. This is a one-sided perspective from someone intentionally devaluing his spouse's perspective.
Might be. Still, recommending OP compromises with his partner.
Compromise, then?
Perhaps every other night you can cook from scratch, and cook as she likes on other days. Or, you could try to replicate the flavors she's looking for in your cooking. Involve her, have her try tasting some sauce you're making or whathaveyou and then try to see if you can nudge the flavors in a direction she likes.
Would she be open to use the pre-made mixes as a base and then you improving on them? I love to cook from scratch with nothing but fresh vegetables and base ingredients; it really makes me happy and, if I do say so myself, I do a good job at it (it is indeed a time consuming experience). My mom cooked from scratch and the taste and process of pankakes starting from scratch is familiar and comforting.
I have also learned that there is a lot that I can do by using pre-made ingredients, and that sometimes it's a huge advantage because I can then focus my cooking creativity on the parts that are less about 'turning the ladle' and more about personal time and experience. Some examples:
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Pasta sauce: Buy a decent tomato basil sauce. Then add caramelized onions (40 min), mushrooms, artichokes and spices. Now I can focus on what the sauce goes on top of.
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Pankakes: Some of the store bought pankake mix is pretty great, I especially love the Ube mix from Trader Joe's. If you are not making your own mix, then you can really focus on creating some excellent and amazing hme make toppings. It's a good excuse to perfect a recepie for marmalade or make a perfect mini fried chicken from scratch to go with that pankake.
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Mac'n'Cheese: It's absolutely possible to make Mac'n'Cheese from scratch, but also delicious to start with a box, and then figure out how to max it Gormet in all different ways.
just some ideas.
For all these responses, it's not just pasta sauce or pancake mixes. And yes, the she does let me doctor things up sometimes. It just gets irritating when I make a sauce, it's delicious, and then she buys a jar version because "you like this kind of sauce". I found a great soup recipe I want to try, ask for specific ingredients and she just buys the canned version of the soup. I've talked with her before about it when she brought home a cookie mix. I used to make homemade cookies when I was depressed, and it would cheer me up. She suggested I make the mix, all I had to do was add some eggs and water, and we can have the cookies. I had to tell her it wasn't the cookies that made me feel better.
It sounds like you should be doing the shopping when you want to do the cooking.
I think the one who cooks should do things their way and the others should not interfere unless there's some kind of medical concern.
Its all a very complex equation of quality vs additives vs effort vs cost vs time vs storability vs fridge life vs convenience.
Some stuff is just too much or too little of some of them.
Sometimes I don't have the motivation to cook, sometimes I do. Sometimes I have the motivation to get shit done that isn't in the kitchen. Throwing a pizza in the oven can buy me an extra hour of working on something else because I don't have to come in early to wash up, prep, cook, then wash the damn dishes.
Have both options available.
I have two suggestions: homemade pre-made, and why not both.
You can pre-make things like pancake mix, taco seasoning, pasta sauce seasoning, etc. write any instructions on the ziplock bag or container.
Instant items from a box or bag can usually be dressed up with fresh foods. If she’s cooking then offer to prep fresh items.
Also, respect that some people simple have no patience for cooking and don’t want to learn any. Communicate with each other to understand how to make it work.
Quite frequently I have no energy. But me and my husband need to eat. So premade it is. When I do have energy? I'll cook, bake, from scratch! And if I have a lot off energy, maybe I'll premake something and freeze it, like ravioli or a lasagna.
I would like to cook more as it just tastes way better (and is much more healthy), but I'm always exhausted especially after work. I suppose my answer is that right now I'm eating a lot of prepared (refrigerated or frozen) food, but would prefer home-cooked meals.
If you take the time to make food, especially smelling it as it cooks, it gives your body time to get excited about it and improves digestion.
I try to make everything from scratch, but sometimes I make pre made when I know I'm avoiding eating because I don't feel like cooking. If I make pre made though, I'll always add something to it to bulk it out. Ramen? Handfuls of frozen veg. Frozen pizza? Slap mushrooms, peppers, onions on top. Pasta sauce? Spinach, homemade stock, and carrots.
To me, its about health. I know processed food isn't healthy, so I want to mitigate the damage.
Most of the time I wish the nutrients would just enter my system without me ever having to think or do anything about it. So I get as close to that as possible.
My wife is definitely team 'make it from scratch'.
She is also a very slow cook. We also have an infant that is currently taking up 110% of our time.
It's hard for me to justify spending two hours a night preparing a lunch for the next day. She likes to sleep in, so I never get to eat it fresh.. it's always leftovers.
I don't mind cooking something fresh for lunch or dinner, but I'll do something that takes 20 minutes of prep and then take care of itself on the stove or in the oven. Chilli, pot roast, or a casserole.
I think frozen dinners probably have a better balance of protein/carbs/veg than either of us makes, and at half the price.
This sounds like it has much less to do with food and much more to do with OP’s relationship
Apparently, OP's wife prefers the taste of the pre-made stuff, because it reminds her of her mother's cooking. But yeah, kind of a weird info to omit...
If you have time, make food for the whole week and you eat "pre-made food" (point for your wife) made by you from scratch (point for yourself)😁
Some people don't like leftovers, I can only figure their experience with leftovers has always been bad.
I love having leftovers around, but I make a pot of good stuff with plans for the leftovers. Some things are never leftovers because they don't hold well (anything with leeks or tarragon for example).
anyone who seriously cooks will pick their battles. why make a cake from scratch when boxed mix is just as good. seriously, ask any pro baker.
premix or premade doesn't matter, as long as the end results are the same, good food that can be enjoyed.
if you like cooking because you make everything by scratch, go for it. just know the only reason why it tastes better is because you think it tastes better. when you get down to it, chemicals are chemicals, and cooking is a branch of chemistry.
I would prefer to make it from scratch. But it's usually cheaper to use frozen and I'm a broke bitch, so that's usually what I have.
Pancakes definitely don't matter. They're easy because it's just mixing a few powders and some milk or water and egg. Why not just buy those powders already mixed with a binder? Unless it's Bisquick. Fuck Bisquick pancakes. They're just flat dinner biscuits!
I only buy krusteaz for pancakes. I don't really think the amount of effort it would take to hand-make a similar batter would be worth it, nor would it taste remarkably better.
Though, for actual food, I have the same sentiment as you. I like to cook and experiment, and I have a fairly easy time adjusting things by taste, but I don't have the time/energy/money to be doing everything from scratch.
Pancakes definitely don't matter
Hard disagree. I don't want 1/2 C of high fructose corn syrup, emulsifiers and preservatives in my pancakes, thanks!
1.5 C flour, 1/2 Tsp salt, 3 Tsp baking powder, 1 egg, 1/4 C butter, then whole milk until you get the consistency you like. Best pancakes ever. People who need pancakes to basically be a vehicle to pour pure sugar into their mouth haven't had good 'cakes.
People who need pancakes to basically be a vehicle to pour pure sugar into their mouth haven't had good 'cakes.
Do... you not put syrup on your pancakes?
I certainly don't. The best pancakes have butter and very little sugar. Maybe I'll add a drizzle of ultra dark maple syrup if I want that taste, but I certainly don't drench it.
The proper amount of syrup would be "soaked"
Tell me more.
I'd like to make these pancakes you describe. I'm assuming you melt the butter first before mixing it in? Roughly how much milk is a good starting point?
I used to make Bisquick pancakes all the time, and recently changed to a name brand just add water kind because I tried it for camping once and realized it tastes just as good as the Bisquick, or good enough. I'm assuming that's because Bisquick pancakes are also not actually that good, based on others in this thread.
I like convenience, but I also like good food. I'm gonna make both and do a blind taste test with the wife.
Just made some, added freshly ground nutmeg and a bit of vanilla :)
Thanks for reminding me! Maybe I'll have pancakes for dinner tonight 😅
Please send pics!
Personally, as with a lot of the comments, I'm in the food-prep and make it yourself crowd.
I found a book that dives into the details of when it is and isn't worth making things from scratch.
It's called Make the Bread, Buy the Butter.
Honestly, I haven't read it yet. I bought it and let my mom borrow it immediately, but when I get it back I think it will an interesting read.
As someone who's only read the title, I don't think I'd like this book.
I've made bread before, a lot actually. Many kinds with different flours.
But I've used yeast for years because I couldn't have added phosphorus due to kidney failure (which baking powder has in it). I've also had other less commonly used raising agents like cream of tartar and yogurt. I also made it by hand because could not afford a bread machine or had the space for it. It's extremely messy.
That said, if you're using baking powder and a bread machine, you might as well just get bread from the store. You're just doing the same as a factory does really. And I'm some cases maybe worse since some factory bread is made with yeast instead anyway.
If you want fresh bread, you can in most cases just go to a bakery section too these days, from what I remember when I lived in the USA. In EU basically every store has a bakery section with bread made daily tho.
she would rather I just open the mix, add water, and make the food.
Wait, why does she care if you are the one making it?
I make almost all my meals from scratch.
IMO the person doing the cooking should get to decide. Like any household chore, you don't tell the person doing it how to do it, you appreciate them doing it. Now asking them, would they make such and such how you like sometimes, is reasonable. Insisting isn't.
I'd call what you're doing "cooking".
I'd call what she's doing "not cooking".