Asklemmy

Wanted kids, got married and careered at the right time to fund kids, then wife had a major mental breakdown after funking out of college, developed schizophrenia, and now has the mentality of a kid. Some days a toddler, some days a high schooler. I've been the only household income since marriage year 2, and I can't afford to deal with a pregnancy from that mental state or be basically a single parent afterward.

I'm considering adoption of teens after I retire and the assumed passing of my wife as she has a small pile of other health issues at this point slowly eating away at her.

50F who never wanted kids.

I am lonely at times, but so are many others who have children. Most with grown children are more lonely than I am because they lose a deep connection that became central to their very being as their children grow and part. That is true even for people with good relationships with their grown children and increases with age pretty consistently in America.

There are opportunity costs regardless of how you spend your effort in this life. Parents spend most of their effort in the care and raising of another human. Even if they do a poor job of it, parenting at its bare minimum takes a lot of effort. I spent my efforts on education, work, hobbies and friends. I have money, independence and a deep love for learning. They have companionship, support systems and share a deep love with their children.

I have a lot of nieces and nephews, and they now have their own children. I love them and show up when I am needed. They do the same for me. But it is at a distance. I have never been that interested in hanging out with them and doing family things. I do attend some family events. I bring a fun energy when I do attend stuff. But I miss more than I attend and I am good with that.

Overall, I think I made the right choice and I feel pretty good about it.

I have a big chosen family, including people who feel like children, and even grandchildren. I don't believe that a blood relation would make that any richer an experience for me.

I am approaching 40, and I still don't want any, but i am deeply lonely and depressed as friendships are fading out of my life due to their children and my constant movement and disinterest.

i have no plan for the end of my life. since I won't be able to do much at that time anyway, I'm not sure that it matters. I'm willing to suffer through it and possibly kill myself if it means that im able to live my best years with the most freedom.

Mid-40s: it feels fine. It both complicates and un-complicates various things for later in life, but that's life.

I do like kids, but never wanted my own (at least biologically; I never fully ruled out adoption). We have nieces and nephews we can spoil instead of our own, heh.

Turn 40 in about a month and let me tell you, it's dope AF. I've got more friends than I know what to do with, having way more fun than in my 20s and I'm not tied down to raising a kid. I go to cons and adventures all the time that I couldn't do nor afford if I had kids. Having kids always grossed me out. I've got friends with kids that I can corrupt as needed.

Or has ups and downs.

I always wanted kids. So it's a constant source of regret and emptyness.

On the other hand, life is cheaper. I can do what I want when I want. I'm not wrapped in worrying about my kids all the time.

skipped the zombie apocalypse

Meh depression is killing it, but I don't think I'd be a good parent. I would probably be just fine but would rather help someone already here. Who knows.

Great, for me. For others, I imagine it will depend on factors such as having a compatible partner in agreement.

I have a lot of kids so I can't answer that question

but reddit asked it 2 days ago, word for word https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1gdm2wj/people_in_their_40s_and_50s_with_no_children_how/

I just think it's interesting to look at the difference in the user replies

Not to that age yet, but I feel slightly envious of families that I see at downhill mountain bike parks or camping or sledding. I want to have a family just like that someday :)

Married, happy, and doing financially ok (house paid off but no real savings). Life would have been a lot harder with kids.

Beats the alternative.