Asklemmy

I'm not even a person.

75%

I'm anxious and avoidant and opportunistic. I try to make up for it when I feel able to.

I don't think I am, I often regret things I say or do. Even little things.

I get told I'm one of the nicest and most polite people they've met, so I think there is something to it... I try my best to be friendly and helpful to people, and treat people how I want to be treated! 🤗

I am very laid back (my Dad always said I was nearly horizontal) and I never get angry, I rarely even get flustered or impatient. My Dad was a very good man and I try to follow his example as much as possible. As his health declined and I started caring for him (a real privilege as he helped so many it was only just that he got help in return when he needed it, even if it couldn't possibly fully pay him back) and, as I picked up some of his slack I did wonder where he found the time or energy. Since he died, I have felt like a sheepdog without a flock and have found myself adopting various people - I helped a friend through her cancer journey and her son start university, I took another friend to hospital sufficiently often that she just told the staff I was her "hospital husband" (which did stop them asking questions, usually with a roll of the eyes) and, as I don't drink, I ferry people home from the pub.

However, I can be... thoughtless and this can be really annoying, especially to the easily angered - I've lost a friend over it and my brother isn't exactly my greatest fan (the other year, my niece asked if I wanted to know all the nasty things my brother said about me and I declined - if we knew what people thought about us, we'd tear each other apart). I can also be rude to people but just where it's funny, you just have to know your audience (it can appal any bystanders though). I'm also not very emotionally expressive and I suspect at least one friend thinks I'm a sociopath.

So am I nice? Although it might depend on who you ask, I'd say no. However, I try to do as much good as possible - if anyone needs help, I'll drop what I'm doing and pitch in.

I don't love this question.

I spent a huge chunk of my life putting so much focus into being "nice" that some friends sremovedd about me being "a doormat".

Also? The word "nice" has so many soft negative connotations in 2024.

Subtext: if you're "nice" you're fundamentally un-interesting Subtext: if you're "nice" you're a push over and ripe to be taken advantage of.

GOOD person? MORAL person? OK.

Nice? Asking anyone to attribute this to themselves is a foot gun.

Most the time, but not all the time.

no

no

Nope. I actually never want to be described as nice.

Fair, though? Yes, I would like to think that I am fair.

I don't care about being "nice," I try very hard to be good and sometimes that comes off as "nice," but generally being good improves my life, the life of my loved ones, the life of my community, and sometimes even the world, if only very little.

Evil people can be nice too, is the problem.

not always :(

No. I know people who are genuinely nice, and I don't compare to that. I am, for the most part, trying to be a very relaxed person though, and my benign apathy has sometimes been described as "nice".

My students always say I am. They seem so confused when they find out their actions still have consequences in my classroom.

Irl, yes. Extremely so. I tend to be prickly online because, frankly, anonymous communication generally causes people to be assholes.

That said, I'm only a dick when someone else is being a dick first.

https://www.flamewarriorsguide.com

Variably. I am not, however, necessarily a good person either. It depends on the context.

I try to be, but I don't rule out there may be aspects of the definition that go over my head. For example, there was a time when I was more known for giving to those in need than I'm known for now, but there were critics of mine who saw this and would accuse me of "buying over my friends with gifts". These same people often ask if I see people as pawns because I exchange favors with them, ask if I "think flattery is okay" during the times when I was more known for complimenting others, and criticize me over a combination things I've long made up for, things that normally wouldn't be seen as problematic, and unproven things. I guess I have a lot of everyday pharisees in life who make me think of this question a lot and that this is fresh in my mind. I don't stop people from wanting to explain how I'm not nice though, I just want to understand (within reason, I am my own human).

I can be, but am not always. I actually find niceness to be a highly overvalued character trait. Some of the most back stabbing, manipulative, wishy washy, fake people I have ever known were incredibly nice. In fact, they used their niceness as a shield and mask for their awful character traits. Took a long time to realize that niceness is not so important. Far more important are loyalty, reliability, willingness to admit fault, willingness to listen, and so on. Niceness is just basic human civility. I don't care how nice you are if you are a manipulative and fake.

In person to people i dont know or dont hate I'm nice in my intent and my actions but I am sometimes mean in communication unintentionally and intentionally.

On the internet it's different. Because on the internet I am often interacting with people I will never meet or never properly form a relationship with nor will they impact my relationships with other people I tend to assign less value to being nice. I don't go out of my way to be nasty but I'll be disrespectful and condescending if the conversation goes there. But I real life I would take a kill em with kindness strategy instead of rolling in the mud.

Kind. I try to be a kind person. Sometimes I fail. Too many people argue the being "nice" is merely a superficial term.

Sometimes. I have a hard time when to prioritise my own needs against other people's, so I wind up vacillating between very meek and belligerent kinda randomly. Especially when it comes to social needs (e.g. if it feels like someone else is dominating a conversation with their topic of interest, and I have something I wanted to say about something 3 minutes ago but the person hasn't stopped talking, idk what do).

I used to be nice, then a guy in a bucket hat stood in front of me at a concert.

only on tuesday

Yeah dude

I try to be the best person I can be.

I can be.

Yes. I am. At least nice to people who are also nice to me.

I think I'm nice. I care, look out for others, and try to be considerate.

No. I can be kind but I am not nice.

Nah I'm not nice though I am considerate. I'm not socially... apt.. but I know how to act.

I'd like to think so, most of the time.

But one of the important lesson I learned is that you can't be too nice at work, you have to put your foot down sometimes, otherwise people would just walk all over you and nothing gets done.

I don't like it, but it is what it is.

I do nice things for other people when I'm up to it, but I hesitate to call myself a 'nice person' because niceness isn't necessarily an intrinsic quality, in the same way that I can be a transient dumbass at times without thinking of myself as an idiot.

I like to think so. I put a lot of effort into trying to be someone I would want to be friends with, and there are times I slip up of course, but generally I think of myself as someone who is nice.

I have some very serious mood swings. Generally, I'm pretty nice. But if I'm in a bad mood, I turn into a very rude person.

Wow, I really need therapy, don't I?

Other people seem to think so, but I am not any nicer on the outside than on the inside, not unfailingly polite and certainly get defensive sometimes.

So I am going to say yes because what's on the outside is what I feel in the inside, and people think I am nice.

Nope. I'm thinking of taking acting classes or something because I try to be nice and it doesn't come across that way at all.

Yes, I try to be. I can't be an asshole, I feel really bad about it. I have had to be the cruel person and the liar a handful of times, and I hate to do it. But it is what it is. I look at someone like Elon Musk as the embodiment of a "terrible person" and do the opposite of him.

I am definitely not a narcissist, I am definitely not self-centered, and I am definitely not cruel.

Depends what you mean by "nice". Nice as in "genuinely good" person, or nice as a "nice behavior towards others"? There's a difference, because in the latter one, it can involve not being honest, just so you can appear "nice". So I'm not "nicely socially behaving" most of the time, I'm instead hammering with facts (without being aggressive). My underlying reason for being like that is because: 1. I'm not diplomatic at all, I wasn't born with that gene it seems, 2. I don't believe I help the situation if I just be nice for the sake of being nice. I feel more useful when I'm straight up, clear as water, without being combative or aggressive. If that makes me not nice because I'm not sugarcoating with socially expected bullshit, then I'm not nice. If that makes me nice because I try to help and my intent is pure, then sure, I'm nice.

Everyone claiming to be nice is living a lie and ignoring that everything everyone does ever is essentially motivated by their own self-interests.

Recognizing that makes it a hell of a lot easier to deal with people and avoid buying into the forced bullshit that attempts to force itself into every aspect of life.

I think I am. I try not to be mean or insensitive, and I try to only say good things about people. But I sometimes worry if I come across as trying too hard. And sometimes I think my blunt, cynical sense of humour doesn't really land.

I have a different take: I try to not be an unpleasant person.

I suffer from a particularly nasty Voltron of ADD and Asperger’s. High-functioning, yes. But it’s still a non-trivial level of neurological fuckery. This means that my social actions and reactions are… different. Sometimes they deviate significantly from the socially accepted baseline. So to be “nice”? What is nice? How to categorize that, measure that, evaluate that? “Nice” could be different for each person I come across.

So to avoid driving myself crazy, I have flipped things and simply concentrated on not being an unpleasant person. To not be rude, not disrespectful, not frightening or combative or creepy. It ends up being a little easier to categorize, define, and measure in that regard, because it involves not doing something instead of doing something. It is avoiding a baseline instead of trying to meet it.

I try not to be but sometimes I can't help myself.