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The Washington Post is very worried that American women don't want to marry Trump supporters
(www.dailykos.com)
this post was submitted on 29 Nov 2023
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United States | News & Politics
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I don't really understand the fear mongering going on here. It's not like if we decline past a certain level of marriages that all of a sudden marriages would go extinct. People who want to get married will still get married and people who don't, won't.
But I mean, even if they did, would we really be losing much anyway? Marriage has never quite made sense to me other than for tax purposes (which is a pretty cruddy reason to formalize being with someone forever imo)
It's always seemed super short sighted. People change. And you can't predict how they may change. Your partner that you love now could end up changing into someone you no longer love or worse. Committing to forever is just promising that you'll stay with them even if they make you profoundly unhappy. I've only got this one life to live. I'm not commiting all of it to someone I may not like being around later on.
You left out the most important part.
Kids.
Yes, people's attitudes change. You can undo everything else, but there is one thing you cannot undo: kids. There's no going back from having a child, being a father, being a mother. Sure, there's visitation, but that just sucks for everyone, especially the child.
Marriage is not so much a lifetime commitment to a spouse, as it is a commitment to the children you would eventually nurture.
As someone who grew up with divorced parents my biggest concern was having to deal with twice as many holiday parties. Do not stay together because of kids. If you actually care about your kids then split up and don't try to use the kids as a barganing chip in the divorce. Be willing to work with the other parent on custody. Accept that you both need to spend time with your children (assuming there is no abuse going on). But growing up in a house with parents that hate each other is a good way to fuck up your kids for life.
yup. lived through two divorces; it's not doing anyone any favors.
one, the kids can see it coming, unless they're infants they know something is hinky and lying to them rarely works.
two, each individual now feels repeatedly obligated to try to make it work, to stifle the feelings they may have elsewhere or skip out on social events etc.,
I've never seen it work well, but boy howdy have I seen it work exceptionally poorly.
Take it from someone who grew up with parents that stayed together because they had kids. It's terrible for everyone. Especially the kids. However bad you think visitation is, the alternative is worse.
I disagree, as a parent you can have children, but you're stuck with your spouse for potentially the rest of your life. Your kids will probably move out of your house at some point, pursue careers and start their own families. Your kids are not going to live with you forever.