this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2023
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All of these can easily be replaced in digital environments, but you're correct that not all environments will be conducive to this. Don't see something you can immediately comment on? You can ask nearly anyone any of the following questions and get a response:
In terms of direct replacements or stand ins, I'd suggest some of the following:
I don't think it always has to be a video call, and learning how to listen and invite through multiple mediums of communication is a good skill to tap into. Humans are quite varied which unfortunately means there's no one size fits all solution here so much as there's a million doors that you can try to open and hope that at least a few will stick with the people you work with. As an aside a contact management system or notes can also help you to keep track of what people enjoy, the names of important figures in their lives, how they like to communicate, etc.
Yeah, so the generic small talk openers. This is definitely something I personally need to work on, but until then, it's a rather large barrier to cross for socializing.
As for your other suggestions:
I also just realized that a large part of socializing for me is just being physically present in the same space as another person and sharing an experience as much as it is talking. Sharing a cup of coffee with someone in silence at a coffee shop? Very enjoyable and relaxing. Doing the same over a zoom call? Awkward AF.
These are all great points and point at something which is unfortunately a difficult barrier to cross - one of culture. Older folks aren't used to doing these, and so many of them end up being resistant. They then realize that their social lives are lacking, and lament not being in the office if they don't otherwise have good social connections outside of the office. It's nice to hear that your work gave it a shot, and it sucks to hear that none of these caught on. I personally have an extremely active social life outside of work, so I've never enjoyed too much small talk or getting to know my coworkers on too deep of a level, but I definitely see many of my fellow coworkers and acquaintances struggling with this kind of problem. As I said before, I think you need to keep opening doors to see which ones work. Which doors work will vary from person to person, and as you likely have already noticed the people who start random conversations on slack are likely the same small group of individuals and it's rough to try and get people who don't normally interact to actually interact.
Hopefully something from the reply ended up being helpful to you to start thinking about the process. As an aside, here's a short list of some questions that are a little bit more personal/substantial than small talk, but are great once you've established a foothold to start to get to know someone and build some trust:
Those are some great conversation starters, and certainly lots of relevant advice. Got a few ideas of my own as well while writing up these replies. Thanks for sharing! We've settled on a hybrid setup now and most of the people I care to talk to are regularly in the office, so I mostly just need to get my ass out of the house. But that's a whole other can of worms to tackle.